Ever wondered how gratitude, follow-up, and feedforward can be powerful tools for personal and professional development? Curious about how executive coach transforms relationships and perceptions, creating a new, improved you? Want to explore how leaders like New York City's Mayor Ed Koch and attorney David Boies used these tools effectively? Or intrigued by the role of feedback in revolutionizing improvement? Dive into this captivating journey that navigates the power of change and the significance of interpersonal behavior in leadership.

What Got You Here Won't Get You There

Imagine those “You Are Here” mall maps but for life—helping you navigate where you are, where you want to go, and how to get there. Some people have an internal GPS guiding them flawlessly through life’s maze, becoming our role models and heroes. 

For instance, Carlos, a hyperactive CEO, loves brainstorming with his team but doesn’t realize his spontaneous suggestions often come off as direct orders, causing confusion and frustration. Sharon, a charismatic magazine editor, unknowingly creates a biased environment by favoring her loyal followers, leading to resentment among others. Martin, a financial consultant, fails to secure a major client by focusing too much on his own prowess rather than understanding the client’s needs.

These successful individuals, though confident, often misjudge how their behavior affects others. This disconnect can chip away at their goodwill and eventually lead to significant problems. Their “inner compass” might be off, making them unaware of their impact. As an executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith's job is to provide feedback—showing people where they truly stand and helping them adjust their behavior for better outcomes.

One poignant example is Chevy Chase, whose career faltered because he lost his sense of “proprioception”—awareness of how he was perceived. Similarly, the executives Goldsmith coaches often resist change, believing their success justifies their behavior. They might think, “Why change if it’s working?” But feedback is crucial. It’s like a friendly reminder that sometimes a small tweak in delivery can make all the difference.

The journey from “here” to “there” involves recognizing that what got you here won’t necessarily get you there. We all have quirks that might be holding us back. By understanding and adjusting these, you can achieve greater success and harmony in your professional and personal life. So, let’s embark on this journey together, using feedback as our guide to navigate from “here” to “there.”

Are You Misjudging Your Impact on Others Just Like Chevy Chase Did?

As a long-time board member of the Peter Drucker Foundation, Marshall Goldsmith had the privilege of learning from Peter Drucker himself. One of his most impactful insights was, “We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don’t spend enough time teaching leaders what to stop.” This wisdom is the cornerstone of understanding how certain habits can derail our success, even when we have good intentions.

Success isn't just about doing the right things; it’s also about stopping the wrong ones. Consider a salesperson who realizes a deal would cost the company money and decides to walk away. This decision, though less glamorous than closing a big sale, is often more beneficial. For instance, if Time Warner’s Gerald Levin had halted the disastrous merger with AOL, his reputation might have remained intact.

In everyday life, we often congratulate ourselves for avoiding bad decisions. We regularly acknowledge this smart non-decision, a practice we often neglect in the workplace.

Leadership isn’t just about skills and intelligence; it’s about interpersonal behavior. Here are twenty habits that can make us difficult to work with:
1. Winning Too Much: The need to win at all costs can lead to unnecessary conflicts.
2. Adding Too Much Value: Constantly trying to improve others' ideas can diminish their commitment.
3. Passing Judgment: Rating others’ contributions can stifle innovation.
4. Making Destructive Comments: Sarcastic remarks can hurt team morale.

5. Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”: These words can negate others' ideas and shut down conversations.
6. Telling the World How Smart We Are: This can come off as arrogant and dismissive.
7. Speaking When Angry: Anger undermines leadership and respect.
8. Negativity: Constantly explaining why something won’t work can demoralize a team.

9. Withholding Information: Keeping others in the dark undermines trust.
10. Failing to Give Proper Recognition: Not acknowledging others’ contributions can breed resentment.
11. Claiming Undeserved Credit: This is a sure way to lose colleagues' respect.
12. Making Excuses: Blaming external factors for our failures is unproductive.

13. Clinging to the Past: Dwelling on past grievances prevents progress.
14. Playing Favorites: This can create a toxic work environment.
15. Refusing to Express Regret: Not apologizing for mistakes can damage relationships.
16. Not Listening: This signals disrespect and disinterest.

17. Failing to Express Gratitude: A simple thank you can go a long way.
18. Punishing the Messenger: This discourages honest communication.
19. Passing the Buck: Blaming others for our mistakes erodes trust.
20. An Excessive Need to Be “Me”: Clinging to our flaws out of a misguided sense of authenticity can hinder improvement.

As we rise up the corporate ladder, technical skills become a given, and people skills make the difference. Leaders are judged not just by their achievements but by how they manage and interact with others. Behavioral flaws become more pronounced and impactful.

For example, Goal obsession isn't inherently bad, but it can lead us astray if we lose sight of the bigger picture. A marketing executive named Candace was so focused on her goal of being a superstar that she began taking credit for her team’s achievements, which led to high staff turnover.

The key to overcoming these habits is self-awareness and a willingness to change. Reflect on your behavior, seek feedback, and be open to making adjustments. Remember, leadership is as much about what you stop doing as it is about what you start doing.

Peter Drucker's Wisdom: Unlearning Leadership Habits for Success

Ever felt overwhelmed by the flawed personalities you encounter at work? Don’t worry, it's not that bad. At the core of most interpersonal issues are two factors: information and emotion. Tom Wolfe's theory of "information compulsion" explains our obsession with sharing what we know, often to our detriment. This compulsion leads to annoying habits like offering unsolicited advice, passing judgment, or withholding recognition. 

Understanding this can help us change for the better. A seven-step method can address these habits:
1. Feedback
2. Apologizing
3. Telling the World, or Advertising
4. Listening
5. Thanking
6. Following Up
7. Practicing Feedforward

Feedback has been around forever, but the concept of 360-degree feedback—where input comes from all organizational levels—has revolutionized how we improve. Yet, even successful people resist negative feedback, often because it challenges their self-image. They see it as a personal attack rather than constructive criticism.

To break through, we need to depersonalize feedback and focus on future improvements rather than past mistakes. This approach transforms feedback from a demoralizing experience into a motivational one, fostering genuine change.

It is important to involve the colleagues in the feedback process, asking them to commit to four things:
1. Let Go of the Past: Forgiveness is crucial for moving forward.
2. Tell the Truth: Honest feedback is essential.
3. Be Supportive: Constructive support is more effective than cynicism.
4. Self-Improvement: Everyone should focus on their own growth too.

These commitments create a supportive environment for change, making the process more collaborative and less judgmental.

To gather meaningful feedback, ask, “How can I do better?” This shifts the focus to future improvements and avoids the pitfalls of vague or defensive responses. Feedback should be seen as a gift, a tool for growth rather than a critique.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues and casual remarks. These often reveal how others truly perceive us. For example, noticing a colleague's body language in meetings can provide insights into strained relationships that need mending.

Feedback is just the beginning. It identifies what needs changing but doesn’t tell you how to do it. Use it as a foundation to build better interpersonal relationships and create lasting change.

Can Tom Wolfe's Theory of 'Information Compulsion' Revolutionize Your Interpersonal Relationships at Work?

Apologizing is the most powerful tool for healing and restoration. It’s essential for executives who want to improve, as it acknowledges mistakes and shows a commitment to change, creating an emotional contract with others. 

A striking example is American national security expert - Richard Clarke’s heartfelt apology to 9/11 families during his testimony, which overshadowed his entire speech and brought a sense of closure. Similarly, Ted, a senior manager, struggled with follow-up, alienating close associates. With guidance, Ted learned to apologize, changing his professional and personal relationships. He saved a 20-year friendship by writing a sincere apology letter, which eventually mended their bond.

The lesson is simple: “I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better.” It’s a small effort with immense returns, capable of changing lives as if by magic.

After apologizing, it’s crucial to advertise your intention to change. This means clearly stating the areas you plan to improve. Changing people’s perception is harder than changing behavior itself, often requiring a 100% improvement to gain even 10% recognition. By announcing your efforts, you place your change on everyone’s radar, enhancing your chances of altering their perceptions.

It’s akin to marketing a new product—you need a relentless campaign to make people notice. Like a great wine that needs time to mature, your change needs persistent messaging. Avoid the “one, two, three, seven” mistake: skipping crucial phases of gaining support from superiors, peers, and subordinates, which are essential for any initiative.

Think like a press secretary, staying on message and reminding everyone of your efforts consistently. Treat each day as a press conference, seizing opportunities to reinforce your commitment to change and addressing all challenges. Remember, it’s a long-term process aiming for lasting transformation.

By mastering the art of apology and effective self-advertising, you can profoundly impact your relationships and career, creating a new, improved version of yourself.

Conquering Corporate Challenges: The Power of Apologies and Self-Advertising

Jack Nicklaus, a golf legend, emphasized the importance of a proper grip and stance, suggesting that success is nearly guaranteed before any action is taken. Similarly, success in learning from others heavily relies on how well we listen. Listening isn't passive; it's highly active, involving thoughtful engagement and respect.

Frances Hesselbein, a revered leader, exemplifies thinking before speaking. Her disciplined approach to listening, even when upset, sets her apart. This active choice not only enhances understanding but also shapes how others perceive our listening skills.

Listening with respect is crucial. Bill Clinton was a master at making anyone feel like the most important person in the room, whether a head of state or a bell clerk. His undivided attention and body language communicated genuine interest, a practice that requires mental and physical exertion.

Before responding, ask, “Is it worth it?” This helps avoid unnecessary or harmful comments and ensures that responses are thoughtful and constructive. One CEO improved his listening skills by adopting this approach, leading to better relationships and professional success.

David Boies, a legal superstar, demonstrated the power of attentive listening by making others feel important, regardless of their status. This skill, shared by figures like Oprah Winfrey and Bill Clinton, is a hallmark of greatness. It involves treating every interaction with equal respect and focus, making people feel valued.

Similarly, Gratitude is a powerful emotion that strengthens relationships. Saying “thank you” creates closure and fosters goodwill. It’s not just about manners; it’s about genuinely acknowledging others' contributions.

Marshall Goldsmith, the leadership coach, became a gratitude expert after a life-threatening experience. He wrote thank you notes to 50 people who had helped him, realizing the importance of expressing appreciation. This exercise not only makes others feel valued but also highlights our dependencies and areas for improvement.

Incorporating active listening and genuine thanking into daily interactions can transform relationships and enhance personal and professional success. The more we practice these skills, the more natural they become, leading to a more fulfilling and impactful life.

Can Active Listening and Genuine Gratitude Transform Your Life?

Following up is essential for genuine improvement. After mastering skills like apologizing, listening, and thanking, consistent follow-up ensures that these changes are recognized and sustained. New York City's Mayor Ed Koch famously asked, "How'm I doing?" to engage with citizens and demonstrate his commitment to improvement. This regular follow-up made his efforts visible and accountable.

Research has shown that follow-up is crucial for lasting change. While training sessions can impart valuable lessons, without follow-up, participants often fail to implement what they've learned due to everyday distractions. Consistent follow-up, however, has been proven to significantly enhance perceived leadership effectiveness.

Goldsmith, the author practices follow-up through a nightly routine with his coach, Jim Moore, who asks a series of questions about his daily habits and well-being. This accountability system has helped the author maintain discipline and achieve personal goals. The key to effective follow-up is involving another person who can provide encouragement and accountability.

Next, Feedforward is a simple yet effective concept that shifts the focus from past mistakes to future improvements. It involves asking someone for two suggestions on how to improve a specific behavior without mentioning the past. This forward-looking approach eliminates defensiveness and encourages constructive suggestions.

For example, if you want to become a better listener, you might ask a colleague for two tips on how to improve. They might suggest focusing all your attention on the speaker and avoiding interruptions. Your only response should be, "Thank you."

Feedforward works because it’s non-judgmental, focuses on solutions, and leverages the collective wisdom of those around you. It’s a continuous process that fosters a positive environment for personal growth.

Follow-up, and feedforward are powerful tools for personal and professional development. Through consistent follow-up, you ensure that your efforts to improve are recognized and sustained. And with feedforward, you open yourself to constructive future-oriented suggestions. These practices not only enhance your relationships but also help you become a better, more effective individual.

Mastering the Art of Follow-Up, and Feedforward: Powerful Tools for Personal and Professional Growth

Meet Harlan. He was a division chief at a major manufacturing company with 40,000 employees. His CEO wanted him to focus on leading the entire company. Harlan committed to change, apologized to those who gave feedback, and followed up regularly. In just 12 months, his scores showed unprecedented improvement. Harlan attributed his success to his personnel selection. He said, “If I have the right people around me, I’m fine.”

Jack Welch once said, "Pick the best players and you win." Successful people stack the deck in their favor by hiring the best, retaining valuable employees, and being prepared. This strategy is often about avoiding high-risk, low-reward situations and maximizing advantages.

However, not everyone needs behavioral change. For instance, the CEO of a medical company was worried about tech changes, but he needed a tech mentor, not a behavioral coach. Similarly, David, a CFO admired by his peers, was struggling with media relations, not interpersonal skills. Sometimes feedback reveals symptoms, not diseases.

Choosing the right thing to change is crucial. For example, if 80% of feedback says you have a temper, that's what you should focus on. Like golfers who focus on driving instead of the short game, people often avoid the most impactful changes.

Facing the truth is essential. We often avoid feedback at work and home because we fear the truth. However, knowing the truth is better than denial.

There’s no benchmark for perfect behavior. Michael Jordan, a basketball legend, was mediocre in other sports. Focus on improving one vital flaw rather than trying to be the best at everything.

The best time to change is now. Many of us dream of a future when we’ll have time to improve, but that time never comes. Start changing now, even if it's just one small thing.

These rules help stack the deck in your favor, ensuring that the changes you make are impactful and lasting.

Can Choosing the Right Behavior to Change Transform Your Leadership Success?

Imagine being a boss who hands out a memo titled "How to Handle Me" on your first day. Sounds like a reality show, right? But it’s a real technique used by Don Imus, a popular U.S. radio host known for his unpredictable and often outrageous behavior. Imus’s rule for guests: "You cannot be boring." His show thrives on controversy and unpredictability, yet he occasionally reminds listeners, "Everything I say is jive. You’ll know I’m serious only when I say, ‘You have to stop that now.’"

This transparency is a lesson for bosses. Imagine if leaders were honest about their quirks and shortcomings. One entrepreneur with a notorious temper starts his days at 4 A.M., and by the time most people are starting work, he’s already tired and testy. When he blows up, he quickly apologizes and clarifies, "I’m not mad at you. I’m just mad." This self-awareness helps his team cope with his outbursts.

Another example comes from a public relations executive who couldn’t keep personal assistants. He wrote a memo for his new assistant, Michelle, detailing his strengths and weaknesses, like hating paperwork and needing someone to handle most of his job. The honesty paid off; 18 months later, Michelle was handling almost everything, even receiving holiday gifts from clients.

But not all bosses are self-aware. Some, like a division chief who couldn't see his favoritism, create a toxic environment by failing to align their self-perception with reality. Others, like a CEO who was a stickler for grammar, sent mixed signals that led to frustration among his staff.

Being a good boss also means knowing when your staff depends too much on you. One magazine editor found herself working late every night until she realized her staff craved too much face time. By setting boundaries, she regained control and helped her team become more self-sufficient.

Finally, remember that not everyone wants to change. Some employees simply don’t see their own issues, and trying to coach them is a waste of time. Focus on those who are open to improvement.

In essence, successful leadership combines self-awareness, honesty, and the ability to set clear boundaries while recognizing when someone’s not a fit. It’s about creating a healthy dialogue and knowing when to step back, letting your team grow while keeping your sanity intact.

Embracing Transparency and Self-Awareness: Lessons in Leadership from Radio Host Don Imus

Navigating life can feel like using a "You Are Here" map at a mall, with some people seemingly having an internal GPS guiding them perfectly. However, even successful individuals often misjudge how their behavior impacts others, leading to significant problems. As an executive coach, offering feedback helps recalibrate their "inner compass," showing them where they truly stand and how to adjust for better outcomes.

Success isn't just about doing the right things but also stopping the wrong ones. Certain interpersonal habits—like needing to win too much, adding too much value, or passing judgment—can derail success. Leaders, especially as they rise, are judged more by their people skills than their technical abilities. Goal obsession can also mislead if it overshadows the bigger picture.

The key to overcoming these habits is self-awareness and a willingness to change, using feedback as a guide. Feedback should focus on future improvements rather than past mistakes to foster genuine change. Creating a supportive environment with commitments like letting go of the past and being supportive can make the process collaborative and less judgmental.

Gratitude and consistent follow-up are also crucial for lasting change. Expressing gratitude acknowledges others' contributions, and regular follow-up ensures efforts to improve are recognized. Additionally, the concept of feedforward shifts focus from past mistakes to future improvements, fostering a positive environment for growth.

Successful change often involves focusing on one vital flaw rather than attempting to be the best at everything. Behavioral change can be incentivized, and the best time to start is now. Leaders should also be transparent about their quirks and shortcomings, creating a healthy dialogue and setting clear boundaries.

Ultimately, leadership is about combining self-awareness, honesty, and the ability to set boundaries while recognizing when someone isn't a fit. It's about fostering a supportive environment, making incremental improvements, and maintaining a focus on meaningful change.

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