Have you ever thought how societal expectations can lead to losing touch with your true self? How can embracing pain be essential for growth? What role does inner guidance play in making authentic life choices? And how can embracing authenticity and questioning societal norms transform not only our lives but also the world around us? Dive into a journey of self-discovery, personal growth, and transformation that challenges societal norms and expectations.

Untamed

Four years ago, while Glennon Doyle was married to the father of her three children, she fell in love with a woman named Abby. One Sunday morning, Abby drove to meet Glennon's parents to share her plan to propose. 

Glennon knew what was happening and felt her pulse quicken. When Abby returned, she walked straight to Glennon, kissed her forehead, took a deep breath, and then disappeared into the bedroom. Moments later, she was on one knee in front of Glennon, holding a ring, unable to wait another minute.

Later in bed, Abby recounted her morning. She had told Glennon's parents, "I love your daughter and grandchildren like I've never loved before." The response from Glennon's mother struck her deeply: "I have not seen my daughter this alive since she was ten years old." That moment made Glennon reflect on where her spark had gone and how she had lost herself around that age.

At ten, we start to conform to societal expectations, hiding our true selves. We learn to be "good girls" and "real boys," internalizing this taming process. Glennon became a "good girl," which led to bulimia, as she struggled to fit into a mold that wasn’t her. It took years of contorting herself before she rediscovered her true desires and identity through her love for Abby.

She began questioning everything in her life, from faith to friendships, and realized much of it was not her own choice but what she had been conditioned to want. Over time, Glennon walked away from her cages, creating a new life by design instead of default.

She remembered sitting in a classroom at ten years old, learning from a CCD teacher about how God created people. The story of Adam and Eve left her confused and questioning, but she soon learned to stay quiet. Years later, in therapy with her husband, who had been unfaithful, Glennon confessed her love for Abby. The therapist dismissed it as a distraction, suggesting she give her husband blow jobs instead. She realized then how deeply ingrained these societal expectations were.

Her daughter Tish, deeply sensitive, was paralyzed by the knowledge of polar bears losing their homes due to global warming. Her sensitivity, often seen as a weakness, made her a modern-day prophet, sensing what others chose to ignore. She showed Glennon that it’s not brave to be insensitive; it’s brave to feel deeply and respond to a broken world.

Can Falling in Love with a Woman While Married Help You Rediscover Your True Self?

It was Glennon's senior year, and she had yet to make Homecoming Court, a coveted spot for the ten most popular students. Every year, the same "Golden Ones" who seemed to shine effortlessly were voted in. Their popularity was a stark contrast to Glennon's own, but this year something changed. 

During the vote count, Glennon's friend Lisa read out the names. Glennon's name was heard a few times, and in a heartbeat of desperation, she added two more votes for herself. She made the Court. Years later, she’d still casually mention, "I was on the Homecoming Court," and people would see her as Golden. Even though she wrote and spoke openly about addiction and depression, she never confessed to her wife about her high school voter fraud until recently.

Years later, after discovering her husband’s infidelity, Glennon struggled with indecision. She polled friends and researched frenetically but found no clear answers. One night, she watched her son Chase and his friends. The boys answered "yes" when asked if they were hungry. The girls, however, looked to each other for consensus before politely declining. It struck Glennon how deeply ingrained our need to please others was.

Her friend Ashley once suffered through a hot yoga class, nearly fainting but never leaving, even though the door was unlocked. It reminded Glennon of how people often endure unnecessary pain, feeling trapped by their own choices.

Another friend, Megan, married a man she didn’t love and turned to alcohol to escape her truth. She only began to heal when she stopped betraying herself. Similarly, Glennon realized we’re like snow globes, constantly shaken to avoid facing the solid truth inside us.

Then, there was the night Glennon met Abby. She was at a book event feeling out of place until she saw Abby. She was magnetic, and their brief interaction left Glennon feeling alive in a way she hadn’t before. Despite Abby's recent struggles, she spoke to Glennon about honesty, drinking, and shame—subjects Glennon knew well. 

They shared a moment of understanding that transcended words. Later, another attendee told Glennon that Abby needed someone like her in her life. As Glennon left, she felt a profound connection, something she couldn’t easily explain but knew was real. 

That night, Glennon realized sometimes the most unexpected encounters can reignite our sense of self and purpose, reminding us of the power of authenticity and the courage to embrace our true selves.

Finding Authenticity: A Journey Through Popularity, Betrayal, and Unexpected Love

Glennon's journey to rediscovering her true self started in childhood, where bulimia turned into alcoholism and drug use. For sixteen years, she was numb. At twenty-six, she got pregnant and sober, and sobriety became the field where she began to remember her wild, authentic self.

Despite building a life that ticked all the boxes—wife, mother, Christian, writer—she felt a constant electric restlessness. It was like simmering water, always threatening to boil over. She hid this inner turmoil under a facade of ease, but the moment she met Abby, she couldn’t contain it any longer. The wild, rowdy self Glennon had buried for so long finally burst forth.

Sobriety was her resurrection, her return to wild. It was a long remembering, realizing that the thunderous energy inside was Glennon, begging for attention. She dismantled her old life to build a new one, guided by her emotions, intuition, imagination, and courage. These were her keys to freedom.

In her early days of sobriety, Glennon felt raw and exposed. Sharing her pain in recovery meetings, she learned that feelings are for feeling—all of them. She realized that surviving pain made her less afraid of life. Embracing pain as part of her becoming, she found that she could burn and live, becoming fireproof.

Consumer culture tells us to numb pain with purchases, but true growth comes from feeling and evolving. Great spiritual teachers have shown us that pain precedes resurrection. Avoiding pain leads to suffering and missed opportunities for becoming our truest selves.

Desperate for answers, Glennon once Googled for advice on a personal crisis but found conflicting opinions. Realizing that right and wrong are culturally constructed cages, she turned inward for guidance. She practiced sinking into the stillness, finding a deep, quiet place where she could sense a Knowing—a nudge guiding her toward the next right thing.

Living by this inner Knowing transformed Glennon's life. She stopped seeking external approval and trusted her inner wisdom. This Knowing, whether called God, intuition, or deepest self, became her guide. She learned to let go of old memos and beliefs, embracing the process of becoming through constant self-revision.

Glennon burned the memos that defined selflessness and martyrdom, choosing to model aliveness for her children. She redefined family as an evolving ecosystem, where each member’s full humanity was honored. She vowed never to abandon herself for another’s expectations.

Living from her emotions, knowing, and imagination meant constantly losing what was no longer true enough to make way for what was. Each loss was a step toward a truer, more beautiful self. Glennon learned to trust the process, letting the old burn to make room for the new.

Can Sobriety Lead to a Deep Personal Transformation and True Self-Discovery?

At thirteen, Glennon spent her days perfecting her bangs and nights trapped in a cycle of bingeing and purging. Her mother took her to therapy, where she faced a kind, yet frustrated therapist who saw through her "I'm fine" facade. 

The therapist's daughter’s photo on the desk was a silent reminder of the life she was missing out on. The Ache was her constant companion, warning her against the ephemeral nature of happiness, love, and life itself. The Ache kept her distant, safe, but half-dead. Bulimia and booze were her escape routes, silencing the Ache with noise and numbness.

By twenty-five, Glennon had isolated herself from her family, traded real connections for the safety of solitude, and accepted her near-death existence as a victory over life. But then, a pregnancy test turned her world upside down. She wanted life for her unborn child, and in that desire, she found a deeper truth within herself. She decided to get sober and reenter the land of the living, driven by a mantra she found in a friend’s classroom: "We can do hard things."

Fast forward ten years, she had built a life with three children, a husband, and a successful career. Yet, the Ache never left her. It was the backdrop of her existence, a reminder that life is not about being fine but about being alive. When her grandmother was dying, and her niece was being born, she realized that the Ache was not an enemy but a meeting place—a clubhouse of the brave, where love and loss coexist.

She learned that being human is about embracing the Ache, the love, the loss, and the rawness of life. She found strength in knowing she was not alone, that the Ache was the common thread connecting all who have lived deeply. She rejected the notion of being broken and celebrated her unbroken, flawed humanity.

In her forties, she abandoned the ghosts of perfection and embraced her authentic self. She stopped trying to be the perfect woman, the good mother, the good wife, and instead chose freedom. She realized that true bravery is living from the inside out, honoring her Knowing, and staying loyal to herself.

Through friendships, she found mirrors that reflected her true self back to her. She learned that every truth is a kindness, and every untruth is an unkindness. She discovered that living a life of integrity means trusting oneself and rejecting societal pressures to conform.

She understood that the world benefits from controlling women by teaching them to mistrust themselves. But she decided to trust herself, to love herself, and to live her life without fear. In doing so, she found freedom and encouraged other women to do the same.

Embracing the Ache: A Journey from Self-Destruction to Self-Trust

Women often share with Glennon their deepest desires: rest, peace, passion, authenticity, love, and connection. These desires, she believes, hold the blueprint for a better world—one where imbalance and injustice are replaced by equality and love. Glennon asserts that if women fully embraced and acted on their desires, it could transform society.

She recounts a personal struggle, where a friend advised her to trust her body's feelings over her mind's arguments. This advice led Glennon to recognize that she was staying in her marriage out of obligation, not love. Looking deep into her own eyes, she realized that her true self and her children deserved better. She decided to leave her marriage and follow her heart, which led her to Abby.

Glennon and Abby's love story unfolded with electric intensity, culminating in a heartfelt reunion where Glennon felt truly seen and desired for the first time. She reflects on motherhood and the pressures of self-sacrifice, ultimately deciding that modeling a life of authenticity and courage for her children is more valuable than martyrdom.

Through her divorce, Glennon learned that protecting children from pain isn't as important as teaching them resilience. She embraced the idea that enduring hardship together strengthens bonds, and that honesty and bravery are essential in relationships.

Glennon also discovered that being true to oneself is crucial. She uses the metaphor of a "Touch Tree" to explain how returning to one's core self can provide stability and direction in life's chaos. This realization helped her navigate her divorce and build a new, more authentic life for herself and her children.

Can Embracing Our Deepest Desires and Inner Knowing Transform Society?

Every generation of parents gets a different memo on how to raise their kids. Glennon's grandma's memo was simple: "Here's your baby, let it grow." Glennon's mom's memo added a social twist: "Drink Tab, smoke, and let the kids play outside." 

But today's memo is overwhelming: "Here's your baby. If you're not feeling fulfilled, seek counseling. Your child must start learning Mandarin immediately or they'll fall behind." Parenting is now a verb, synonymous with hovering, fixing, and obsessing. It's all-consuming, and if anything tough happens to your child, it's a failure.

This memo has led to exhausted, neurotic, and guilty parents, and kids who miss out on life's vital struggles. Real growth comes from falling, getting up, and trying again, but this memo steals that from kids. Parents are obsessing over trivial details while the world burns around them, and kids rehearse active-shooter drills at school.

Glennon's son, Chase, was a creative kid until he got a phone. Slowly, he faded away, lost in the digital world, detached from real life. Phones stole his boredom, the very thing that sparks creativity and self-discovery. The creators of these phones don't let their own kids use them, knowing they trap us in a superficial existence.

Brave parenting means listening to your instincts and doing what's right for your child, even if it's countercultural. It's about raising kids who can resist societal lies and stay true to themselves.

Gender roles are another cage. Boys are taught to be stoic, powerful, and unemotional, while girls are trained to be accommodating and pretty. Both are harmful. Boys need permission to be tender, empathetic, and vulnerable. They need real conversations and safe spaces to express their humanity. 

Children must learn to see through cultural lies. Glennon's daughter, Tish, for example, realized that magazine covers don't reflect real women. She started a petition to show that real beauty is about being strong, kind, and unique.

Finally, we must be brave enough to address tough topics like sex and pornography with our kids. They need to understand that real intimacy is about connection, not the distorted versions they might find online.

In essence, good parenting is about giving kids the freedom to struggle, the space to be bored, and the tools to see through societal lies. It's about raising them to be fully human, in a world that often tries to strip that away.

Redefining Parenting: Cultivating Resilience and Authenticity in a Superficial World

One afternoon, Glennon received an email reminding her it was her turn to provide breakfast for her kid’s athletic team. She was instructed to bring bagels, cream cheese, juices, and bananas. The night before, she got another email from a concerned parent. 

This parent suggested Glennon provide five different flavors of cream cheese, fearing the kids didn't have enough options. Five flavors of cream cheese seemed excessive, yet Glennon complied. This perfectly encapsulates “cream cheese parenting”—the notion that successful parenting means giving children the best of everything. But does it really make them better people or just creating entitled children?

Another morning, she read a story about children being torn from their asylum-seeking parents at the southern border. The heartbreak drained her, but her partner, Abby, assured that something amazing would happen once she processed it all. Twelve hours of sleep later, she was transformed. She set up a command center in the dining room, and with her team at Together Rising, they raised millions to reunite families.

Even amid this humanitarian effort, she faced criticism from other parents who couldn't understand her compassion for "illegals." She realized that true empathy required imagination, the ability to feel others' pain deeply.

Through these experiences, she learned to use her imagination to foster compassion, teaching her daughter to understand a classmate's struggles rather than judge him. She discovered that successful parenting wasn't about providing everything but ensuring every child had enough.

Glennon's journey didn't stop at parenting or activism. When her teenage daughter came out as gay, she faced the challenge of protecting her from her fundamentalist grandparents' judgment. Glennon and Abby built an island of love, where only acceptance and joy were allowed.

She also confronted her own fears and biases, especially around race. After a controversial webinar, she realized she needed to detox from the racism ingrained in her by society. She committed to learning, unlearning, and showing up with humility, understanding that the work of becoming better never ends.

Through every challenge, Glennon embraced her Knowing, the inner voice guiding her towards truth and integrity. She knew that living authentically wasn't about pleasing others but about being true to oneself and fighting for a more compassionate world.

In the end, Glennon chose to imagine, to feel, and to act. She dared to build a life, family, and world that reflected her deepest values, teaching us all that the shortest distance between two people is a leap of imagination.

Is Parenting about Providing Everything or Ensuring Every Child Has Enough? Glennon's Journey to Compassion

Glennon was at a town hall event in the Midwest, filled with a thousand women, a few men, and some gurgling babies. A woman, Joanne, with short gray hair and a sweatshirt that read "GRAMMA," asked a heartfelt question: "Why is everybody so gay all of a sudden?" The room went silent, eyes wide with tension. Glennon knew this was a moment of breakthrough, not breakdown.

She responded with humor, blaming it on "those damn GMOs," which broke the tension with laughter. Then, she delved into a deeper conversation about the fluid nature of faith, love, and sexuality. She explained how they've tried to contain these wild forces into neat categories, but perhaps it’s time to let go of the labels and allow people to just be.

She shared how progress often feels like chaos at first—pronouns, bathrooms, girls taking girls to prom. But it’s not that people are changing; it’s that they finally have the freedom to be who they truly are.

Her own journey with faith and sexuality has been tumultuous. After being excommunicated from the evangelical church, Glennon realized that her love for her wife, Abby, was not something she would change even if she could. Their relationship is deeply fulfilling because they are two women breaking free from societal cages together. It’s not just about being born this way; it’s about making the wisest, most beautiful choices for themselves.

Parenting, too, should be about discovery, not expectations. Imagine celebrating your child for who they are, not loving them "no matter what," but loving them because of who they are. 

She recalled a time when Abby and she, in a minister's office in Texas, realized that choosing oneself doesn’t mean abandoning God. It means taking God with you. When Abby chose herself over the church, she chose God, too.

Reflecting on history, Glennon shared how the evangelical focus on abortion and gayness as sins was a strategic move by powerful men in the 1970s. This was not divine but political, a way to control and mobilize voters. True Christianity, as she sees it, should be about justice and love, not exclusion.

Finally, she shared the story of how she became a philanthropist. Reading letters from people, Glennon saw the desperate need for connection and support. This led to the founding of Together Rising, a nonprofit that helps those in need while also challenging the systems that perpetuate suffering.

In essence, her journey is about understanding and embracing the fluid, wild nature of humanity. It’s about listening to themselves and each other with curiosity and love, and working together to create a world where everyone is free to be who they truly are.

Breaking Free: Redefining Faith, Sexuality, and Humanity in a Changing World

Glennon and her friend were laughing and reminiscing about their past years when Glennon mentioned she left her family. Her friend quickly corrected her, saying she left her marriage, not her family. Her friend's words reminded Glennon to be mindful of her self-narratives.

After discovering her ex-husband's infidelity, Glennon was consumed by anger. Despite his efforts to reconcile, she couldn't forgive him. One night, watching him, Glennon realized her anger was about her boundaries being crossed. She needed to honor her anger and stop abandoning herself. Forgiving him became possible only after their divorce, restoring her boundaries and trust in herself.

Her new relationship with Abby taught her more about boundaries. When Abby relaxed, it triggered anger rooted in her belief that worthiness is earned through hustle. She learned to exchange this belief for one that values rest and self-worth.

Glennon discovered that grief is a transformative cocoon, much like her sister's journey after her marriage ended. Glennon's sister moved into her basement, and Glennon kept vigil outside her door. Her sister's grief was a cocoon from which she emerged stronger, ready to build a new life.

Glennon's journey through clinical depression and anxiety involved accepting medication and self-care. Writing notes from her "Down Self" helped her communicate her needs to doctors, ensuring she got the help she needed.

Choosing joy over suffering, she found that happiness was not only beneficial for her but also for her children. She confronted societal conditioning that distrusts confident, happy women, deciding to embrace and support strength in herself and others.

Glennon's daughter's journey in soccer taught her the importance of doing hard things. Despite Glennon's initial resistance, Abby's belief in Tish led her to join an elite soccer team, transforming her confidence and identity.

In the end, Tish’s nickname, "Elmer’s," symbolized her newfound strength and the glue that held her team together. Her journey through hard things reflects the broader lesson: facing our pain, grief, and challenges head-on leads to growth and transformation.

Can Grief, Infidelity and Anxiety Lead to Profound Self-Transformation?

When Abby and Glennon first fell in love, distance and obstacles made their future together seem impossible. Yet, they clung to an imagined morning on a dock, sipping coffee as the sun rose. That vision became their guiding light, pushing them forward. A year later, they sat on a dock they bought together, reliving that dream.

Glennon used to hate romantic movies, dismissing them as Disney fantasies. But Abby, a believer in romantic love, changed that. Abby always knew Glennon was out there, even when she didn't. When Glennon fell in love at forty, it felt like a hallucinogenic trip—intense and isolating. 

Abby, though, warned that the initial euphoria would fade, and they'd need to love each other even more when it did. She was right, and Glennon panicked when normalcy returned. But over time, she realized she wanted to be in love with a person, not just a feeling.

In the midst of their love, Glennon struggled with control. She wanted to lead, to protect, to make things right. But Abby taught her that control isn't love—trust is. Slowly, Glennon learned to respect Abby's autonomy and let go of her need to manage everything.

Their blended family isn't conventional, but it's theirs. Glennon's ex-husband Craig and she co-parent with respect and kindness, even involving his new girlfriend. They all ran a Turkey Trot together, and while Glennon initially competed with her, she realized the value of their collective effort. When Craig's girlfriend braided Glennon's daughters' hair, she saw them well-loved and well-mothered, a testament to their unique family dynamics.

One night, Glennon apologized to Craig, acknowledging their past mistakes and expressing hope for his future. Now, Abby and Craig play on the same soccer team, and they all support each other. Their family may look different, but it's built on love and understanding.

Yoga helped Glennon reconnect with her body and find peace. She learned to trust herself and her instincts, no longer staying in situations that required self-abandonment. Glennon realized that true freedom comes from within, and the doors to happiness were never locked.

Finding Love at Forty: A Journey of Self-Discovery, Acceptance, and Unconventional Family Dynamics

Falling in love with a woman, Abby, while still married, Glennon Doyle found herself questioning societal expectations and challenging what she had been conditioned to believe. Having lost her spark at a young age due to societal pressures, Glennon's journey to authenticity was a long one - filled with struggles with bulimia, alcoholism, and identity. 

She learned that the cultural conditioning of 'good girls' and 'real boys' leads to a life of default, not design. She discovered how societal expectations are deeply ingrained, often leading us to betray ourselves. Sobriety became Glennon's resurrection, her return to her authentic self.

Glennon's journey tackles tough topics like gender roles, societal lies, and the pressures of parenting. She learnt that being true to oneself is crucial and that true bravery is living from the inside out. 

She also realized that the world benefits from controlling women by teaching them to mistrust themselves. But Glennon decided to trust herself, to love herself, and to live her life without fear. She encourages women to do the same, believing that if women acted on their deepest desires, it could transform society.

The narrative of Glennon's struggle is powerful and inspiring. From her battle with clinical depression and anxiety, her tumultuous journey with faith and sexuality, to her philanthropic efforts through Together Rising, Glennon's story is one of resilience and courage. 

She teaches us that the shortest distance between two people is a leap of imagination. That being human is about embracing the love, the loss, and the rawness of life. 

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