Want to understand how our environment subtly shapes our behavior? Curious about how active questions and daily self-questioning can drive significant personal and professional growth? Intrigued by the power of structure in minimizing decision fatigue and enhancing focus? Want to know how to anticipate, avoid, and adjust to your environment to navigate life's challenges more effectively? Dive in to discover these fascinating insights and more from an experienced executive coach's perspective.

Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts—Becoming the Person You Want to Be

As an executive coach for over 35 years, Marshall Goldsmith, the author, has helped leaders achieve lasting behavioral change. The journey isn’t easy; it begins with listening to feedback from their key stakeholders—colleagues, reports, or board members. His role is to guide them, but they must own their transformation. Goldsmith gets paid only if their stakeholders notice positive change.

Changing behavior is incredibly tough. Consider these questions: What do you want to change in your life? How long have you been trying? Has it worked out? Often, inertia and deeply rooted beliefs hold people back. Goldsmith's own epiphany came at 26 when he decided to embrace his baldness instead of hiding it with a comb-over. It was liberating and taught him the power of acceptance.

One critical truth is that change must come from within. Goldsmith learned this the hard way with Harry, a COO who outwardly agreed to improve but resisted every step. Despite Goldsmith's efforts, Harry’s stubbornness led to his eventual dismissal.

This resistance to change isn’t unique to individuals. Even society resists beneficial changes, like when Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s soda ban faced immense backlash despite its good intentions. The lesson? People are adept at inventing reasons to avoid change.

Our environment and belief triggers like overestimating our willpower, underestimating distractions, and expecting instant epiphanies often sabotage our efforts. For instance, we might think an epiphany will transform us overnight, but real change requires consistent effort and strategy.

Lastly, we often believe we're better than we are. Many professionals overrate their performance, which hinders self-improvement. Real change involves recognizing and overcoming these belief triggers.

Can You Truly Change Your Behavior: What's Stopping You?

Ever found yourself losing your cool in a traffic jam or snapping at a waiter over bad food? It's not because you're inherently angry or rude; it’s the environment subtly shaping your behavior. The surroundings have a sneaky power, transforming individuals in ways they might not realize.

Take road rage, for instance. It’s not about being a bad person; it’s the environment of impatience and hostility on the road that gets to people. Similarly, when they lash out in a restaurant, it’s the environment of entitlement playing tricks on them.

Goldsmith experienced this firsthand with his frequent flights. Initially, planes were his serene workspace. But as in-flight entertainment expanded, his productivity plummeted. The environment morphed from a haven of focus to a distraction-filled arcade, and he got sucked in.

It’s not just about being aware of the environment; it’s about recognizing how it manipulates. Think of an environment as an ever-present character in life—a rival that can either uplift or drag down. For example, Goldsmith and his wife are generally upbeat, but dinners with their cynical neighbors turned them sarcastic and mean. The change wasn’t in them; it was in the environment the neighbors created.

Sometimes, a simple tweak can transform an environment. At a consulting firm event, a too-warm room dampened the mood until Goldsmith lowered the temperature, instantly reviving the crowd. Surroundings can push people toward unethical behavior too, as seen with Karl, an executive whose harsh work environment led his team into unethical practices.

Even one-on-one interactions are influenced by the environment. For instance, Retail spaces and casinos are designed to make people overspend, while homes often sabotage sleep due to what Dutch researchers call “bedtime procrastination.”

Fighting this invisible enemy requires awareness and strategy. Take Nadeem, a brilliant executive whose behavior soured only in the presence of a colleague, Simon. Recognizing the “Simon environment” allowed Nadeem to change his reactions and regain respect.

Feedback loops can help people see how their environment triggers behaviors. Like radar speed displays that slow down drivers, feedback about actions can guide them toward better habits. When individuals understand their triggers—whether direct, indirect, conscious, or unconscious—they can decide how to respond.

Reflect on personal goals and the triggers around. Are they pushing toward what is wanted or needed, or are they distracting? 

Ultimately, recognizing and controlling the environment is key to becoming who individuals want to be. Surroundings may be powerful, but with awareness and deliberate action, behavior can be steered toward goals.

The Invisible Puppeteer: How Our Environment Subtly Shapes Our Behavior

Goldsmith always stresses the importance of choice, even when it comes to our triggers and responses. During his time at UCLA, the ABC template—Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence—was used to understand problem behavior in children. 

Charles Duhigg, in his book "The Power of Habit," adapted this to Cue, Routine, and Reward for understanding habits. Duhigg demonstrated that by keeping the same cue and reward, but changing the routine, people could break bad habits. For instance, Mandy, a nail-biter, learned to replace her routine of biting with other actions like rubbing her arms, ultimately stopping the habit.

However, when dealing with interpersonal behavior, Goldsmith believes that simply being aware of our triggers isn’t enough. We must also consider how our actions affect others. This extra layer of complexity means we need to pause, reflect, and make a thoughtful choice before reacting.

Goldsmith experienced this firsthand during an interview on the Today show with Lester Holt. When thanked for his participation, his impulse was to keep talking, but he paused and chose the appropriate response, “Thank you for having me,” instead.

In high-stakes situations, Goldsmith observes that people often pause to make considered choices. But it’s the small, everyday triggers—like a slow line at the coffee shop or a noisy neighbor—that often provoke our worst responses. We must learn to handle these minor triggers with the same care as the big moments, disarming them with awareness and better choices.

Situational leadership, a concept Goldsmith learned from Paul Hersey and Ken Blanchard, teaches us that leaders should adapt their style to fit their followers' readiness. This approach can also be applied to self-management. Throughout the day, as we switch between planning and doing, we must adopt the appropriate management style to ensure our plans are executed effectively.

For instance, Goldsmith's client Rennie, who struggled with giving overlapping assignments, used an index card as a reminder to stay focused during meetings. This simple tool helped align his planning with his actions.

In our personal lives, the disconnect between our planner and doer selves can lead to unmet goals and broken promises. Even highly disciplined individuals struggle with this, as demonstrated by a dinner Goldsmith hosted where guests promised not to interrupt but ended up contributing hundreds of dollars in penalties for failing to keep their promises.

Ultimately, Goldsmith stresses that our environment often challenges our plans, but by being mindful and adaptable, we can bridge the gap between our intentions and actions.

Can Charles Duhigg's Method in 'The Power of Habit' Help Us Manage Everyday Triggers Better?

In San Diego, sailors, surfers, and golfers obsessively check weather updates to shape their days. They embody the art of forecasting—anticipating, avoiding, and adjusting to their environment. This skill, often overlooked in everyday life, can prevent individuals from being blindsided by unforeseen circumstances.

Anticipation: 
Successful anticipation is vital in high-stakes situations. Take, for instance, an ad agency team meticulously preparing for a client pitch or a trial attorney never asking a question without knowing the answer. Even a marriage proposal is a blend of setting, timing, and rehearsed responses to ensure the desired outcome.

Conversely, in mundane moments, people often fail to anticipate, leading to unexpected conflicts. Goldsmith once introduced two clients with opposing political views over dinner, naively hoping they’d enjoy a stimulating conversation. Instead, they argued vehemently, and he realized his mistake in not foreseeing their behavior outside a professional setting.

Avoidance: 
Sometimes, the smartest move is to avoid risky environments altogether. Peter Drucker famously noted that many leaders need to learn what to stop doing. For example, if one has quit drinking, they shouldn't hang out at bars. 

However, people often fail here due to the allure of enjoyable environments and the temptation they bring. This was evident with Goldsmith's client Stan, who struggled to adjust his behavior at home despite being a seasoned CEO. The home setting confused his role, causing friction with his family.

Adjustment: 
When avoidance isn’t an option, people must adjust. Sachi, a rising tech executive, learned this the hard way. During a visit to her humble hometown in India, she shared her professional achievements, only to be called a show-off by her friends. Realizing her insensitivity, she adjusted her approach in future interactions, focusing on her friends’ lives instead.

Successful leaders understand the delicate balance between creating, preserving, eliminating, and accepting aspects of their behavior and environment.

Ultimately, the key to becoming the person one wants to be lies in recognizing one's environment’s influence and making conscious choices to anticipate, avoid, and adjust. By doing so, they can navigate life’s challenges more effectively, just like Goldsmith's San Diego neighbors navigating the weather.

Anticipate, Avoid, Adjust: Lessons from San Diego Sailors on Navigating Life's Challenges

In Goldsmith's coaching philosophy, he champions a few "magic moves," and apologizing is one of them. Admitting you were wrong often softens hearts and paves the way for behavioral change. Similarly, asking for help and showing optimism can work wonders. These gestures trigger decent behavior in others and are easy to execute. However, there is a more important magic move: asking active questions.

Active questions aim to change one's own behavior rather than that of others. Goldsmith's daughter, Kelly Goldsmith, a behavioral marketing expert, enlightened him on this. They discussed why American companies see poor returns on their $10 billion investment in employee engagement training. Kelly explained that passive questions, like “Do you have clear goals?” often lead employees to blame external factors rather than themselves. Active questions, on the other hand, focus on personal responsibility—“Did you do your best to set clear goals for yourself?”

This led Goldsmith to a breakthrough: engagement isn’t solely the company's responsibility; employees must engage themselves. To test this, Kelly and Goldsmith conducted a study. They divided participants into three groups: one with no training, one with passive questions, and one with active questions. The active questions group showed double the improvement in happiness, meaning, relationships, and engagement.

Inspired, Goldsmith incorporated active questions into his own life. He tweaked his daily questions from passive to active, focusing on effort rather than outcomes. This shift made him more accountable and engaged with his goals.

Emily R.'s weight loss journey illustrates the power of active questions. She embarked on a 60-day juice cleanse, asking herself questions like, “Did I do my best to stick to the juice cleanse today?” This method helped her lose 56 pounds and pass her sommelier exam. Her story underscores that active questions can drive significant personal change.

Daily Questions are a commitment device, igniting motivation where needed and distinguishing between self-discipline and self-control. They break goals into manageable increments, helping us overcome impatience and focus on consistent effort.

Active questions and daily self-questioning can profoundly impact our behavior, making us more responsible and engaged. They are indeed a magic move for personal and professional growth.

Can Active Questions Be the Magic Move to Personal and Professional Growth?

Charting Daily Questions on a spreadsheet lacks inherent magic, but the essential element is reporting scores daily to a coach. This coach can range from a simple scorekeeper to a full-fledged adviser. At its core, a coach ensures accountability and bridges the gap between our visionary Planner self and the action-oriented Doer.

Consider the story of Griffin, who struggled with adding too much value at work, thereby stifling his team's creativity. Through Daily Questions, Griffin learned to curb this habit and later applied the same method to improve his home life, specifically his irritation with his wife's drink clinking. By scoring his efforts daily, Griffin transformed his annoyance into indifference, showcasing the power of consistent self-monitoring and change.

Moreover, the concept of AIWATT (Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic?) serves as a vital tool for navigating daily interactions and decisions. This question helps us avoid unnecessary confrontations and focus our efforts where they can truly make a positive impact.

The story of a photo taken in Mali, Africa, in 1984, serves as a personal trigger for gratitude, reminding us to appreciate what we have and maintain perspective during life's minor tribulations. This photo, depicting children facing starvation, continuously reinforces the importance of gratitude and refraining from needless complaints.

In short, the process of Daily Questions and the principle of AIWATT are powerful tools for personal growth and effective change, transforming how we approach both our daily routines and larger interpersonal challenges.

Mastering Personal Growth: The Transformative Power of Daily Questions and AIWATT Principle

Alan Mulally was one of the most transformative leaders Goldsmith's ever worked with. Goldsmith first met Alan when he was at Boeing in 2001, before he took on the monumental task of leading Ford in 2006. By the time he retired in 2014, Fortune magazine ranked him as the third-greatest leader in the world. 

Alan’s secret? Unwavering structure. Upon joining Ford, he instituted the Business Plan Review (BPR) process, a weekly Thursday morning meeting with his top executives. Alan insisted on strict rules: no side discussions, no cell phones, and mandatory attendance, ensuring everyone was focused and accountable. He began each session with, “My name is Alan Mulally and I’m the CEO of Ford Motor Company,” and reviewed the company’s plan, status, and concerns using a green-yellow-red grading system.

Initially, some executives resisted this rigid structure. But Alan was firm: adapt or leave. The process wasn’t about control—it was about transparency, accountability, and fostering a collaborative environment. Executives quickly learned to appreciate the clarity and focus these meetings brought. They weren’t just talking about problems; they were actively working together to solve them.

This approach wasn’t universal, though. Take Robert, a charismatic CEO of an insurance company, whose leadership style was chaotic and instinct-driven. He struggled with setting clear goals and direction. To help, Goldsmith introduced a simple structure of six questions for his bimonthly meetings with direct reports. Questions like “Where are we going?” and “How can I help you?” forced everyone to align their efforts and communicate openly. Over time, this structure transformed Robert into a more effective leader, and his company thrived.

The concept of structure extends beyond corporate settings. It combats ego depletion—a phenomenon where our willpower diminishes throughout the day, leading to poor decisions. Structure helps us conserve mental energy by reducing the need for constant decision-making. For instance, Alan’s BPR meetings minimized decision fatigue by standardizing the communication process, keeping executives sharp and focused.

In our personal lives, we can harness structure to improve various aspects, from sticking to workout routines to managing daily tasks. Imagine attending a dreaded meeting with the mindset that you'll be tested afterward on your engagement and positivity. This simple mental shift can transform a dull hour into an opportunity for personal growth.

In essence, structure isn’t about restriction; it’s about creating an environment where we can thrive, both professionally and personally. So, why not embrace a bit more structure in your life? It might just be the key to unlocking your full potential.

Can Structured Leadership Like Alan Mulally's Be the Key to Unlocking Your Full Potential?

Why stop at one hour? Why not test ourselves throughout the day, so self-testing becomes our structure? Being mindful of being tested forces us to live in the present, where we can shape ourselves.

Take Griffin, for example. He had an issue when he hosted New Hampshire friends in New York. While he enjoyed being a host, the repetitive tours became tiresome. He worried he'd ruin their visit by revealing his frustration. Goldsmith suggested he turn his Daily Questions into Hourly Questions. His key question was, "Did I do my best to enjoy my friends?"

Griffin set his phone to vibrate hourly, reminding him to check his behavior. He expected to struggle but found he got stronger as the day progressed. By the end, he was on "cruise control" and had a great day. This shows the power of hourly self-testing to transform dreaded environments into positive experiences.

Hourly Questions are simple yet powerful. They create a structure that keeps us aware and accountable, helping us maintain good behavior during challenging moments. This method isn't just for dreaded events but for any situation where we need a burst of discipline.

For instance, Goldsmith uses Hourly Questions at enjoyable events to control his appetite. When he's at a festive dinner, he asks himself, "Did I do my best to enjoy who is here rather than what is being served?" This keeps him mindful and helps him make conscious choices.

Consider Nadeem, a London executive who improved his strained relationship with a colleague, Simon, by committing to change. He asked himself daily, "Did I try 80 percent with Simon?" His efforts transformed their relationship in six months. Nadeem realized that if he had given 100 percent from the start, their friendship would have improved even faster.

In conclusion, Goldsmith insists that we shouldn't settle for good enough. Use Hourly Questions to stay present and accountable, transforming both yourself and your environment. This consistent effort leads to meaningful and lasting change.

Hourly Questions: A Powerful Tool for Personal Transformation and Improved Relationships

"What’s the most memorable behavioral change you’ve made as an adult?" Goldsmith has asked this to countless people, and the responses often revolve around kicking bad habits, like smoking. But he's after something deeper—voluntary change that improves others’ lives because they've bettered themselves.

Take Amy, a senior executive who quit smoking. Admirable, yes, but Goldsmith pushed her to think of something that positively impacted others. She then shared how she decided to be nicer to her mother. Their daily calls used to be filled with petty arguments, but Amy chose to stop engaging in these skirmishes. This small truce transformed their relationship, making family gatherings much happier.

Many people confuse behavioral change with life decisions, like career shifts or epiphanies. It’s not the same. Goldsmith believes that behavioral change is about improving how we interact with others. For instance, Jim Yong Kim, president of the World Bank, and other top executives Goldsmith has coached, struggled with the question, "Did I do my best to be happy?" Despite their achievements, they hadn’t considered pursuing happiness as a goal. This realization is crucial for meaningful change.

One client, Jim, exemplified this beautifully. During an overwhelming workday, his wife called needing someone to talk to. Instead of brushing her off, Jim remembered to ask himself, "Am I willing to make a positive contribution?" He chose to listen, turning a potential annoyance into a moment of connection that strengthened their relationship.

Behavioral change doesn't have to be monumental. It’s the small, consistent efforts that count. Like deciding to engage more with your environment and the people around you. It’s about being aware and choosing responses that foster positive interactions.

Think about one change we can make—something small but meaningful, like calling a loved one to express appreciation or choosing patience over anger. These modest shifts can create a ripple effect, making our lives and the lives of those around us better.

So, what will be your next move? Any positive change, no matter how small, is a step toward a more fulfilling life. Do it for others, and ultimately, for yourself.

Can Small Behavioral Changes Really Improve Your Life and Those Around You?

Sustainable behavioral change is profoundly challenging yet deeply rewarding. It begins with genuine feedback from those around us, though the transformation must be personally owned. Change is rarely instant; it requires persistent effort and a strategic approach.

Our environment plays a crucial role in shaping our behaviors, often in ways we don't realize. By adjusting our surroundings and being mindful of their influence, we can better align our actions with our goals. This awareness extends to how our behaviors impact others, emphasizing the need for conscious and thoughtful responses.

Active questions, focusing on personal effort rather than outcomes, can drive significant personal and professional growth. Daily self-questioning, combined with accountability to a coach, bridges the gap between our aspirations and actions, fostering consistent improvement.

Structure in our routines, both professional and personal, minimizes decision fatigue and enhances focus, enabling us to thrive. Embracing tools like Hourly Questions can transform even the most challenging environments into opportunities for positive behavior.

Ultimately, meaningful change often lies in small, consistent efforts that improve our interactions with others. By being mindful and making deliberate choices, we can create a ripple effect of positivity, enhancing our lives and those around us.

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