Intrigued by raw, real-life experiences and the resilience of the human spirit? Want to delve into stories of love, heartbreak, family dysfunction, and addiction? Ever wondered how to navigate life's unpredictability and make tough decisions? Famous personalities, world events, organizations - none of that matters here, just real people with real stories. Ready to explore the extraordinary in the ordinary? This book is a collection of poignant and deeply empathetic advice columns that Cheryl wrote under the pseudonym Sugar.

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Welcome to a collection of heart-to-heart exchanges, where strangers confide their deepest troubles and receive wisdom from Cheryl Strayed, known as Sugar. This book is a tapestry of anonymous letters, each a glimpse into the human experience of love, loss, and the quest for meaning.

Take Johnny's story, for instance. After a 20-year marriage crumbles, Johnny finds himself grappling with the word "love." His hesitation to say it aloud feels monumental. But Sugar’s poignant reflection on her mother's last word—“love”—illuminates his path. Love, she explains, is vast and multifaceted, encompassing a spectrum from light hugs to deep sacrifices. Sugar urges Johnny to embrace love courageously, rather than fearfully skirt around it.

Then there's Stuck, a woman paralyzed by grief after a miscarriage. She feels isolated, haunted by the loss of her daughter. Sugar, drawing from her own experiences and those of others, extends a lifeline. She encourages Stuck to find her tribe, those who understand her pain, and to reach out for professional help. Sugar’s message is clear: healing is possible, but it’s a journey that requires reaching out and moving forward, no matter how hard it seems.

In another letter, Suffocated shares his plight of living a double life as a gay man in a homophobic household. Sugar’s advice is firm yet compassionate: he must leave his oppressive environment to truly live his authentic life. She reassures him that it’s not about running away but about finding a place where he can breathe and be himself. Her words echo the spirit of countless stories of resilience and self-acceptance.

Lastly, Oh Mama writes about her rage towards her absent baby daddy. Sugar acknowledges her justified anger but shifts the focus to what’s best for her child. She advises Oh Mama to foster a relationship between the child and the father, not for the man’s sake, but for the child’s. Sugar emphasizes the importance of separating personal feelings from parental responsibilities, knowing that this approach will benefit the child in the long run.

Through these stories, Cheryl Strayed, as Sugar, offers more than advice; she provides a mirror, reflecting the complexities of human emotions and relationships. Each response is a blend of empathy, tough love, and profound insight, guiding letter writers—and readers—toward their own truths.

Can Cheryl Strayed's Advice on Love, Loss, and Forgiveness Change Your Life?

In this series of letters, Sugar, the advice columnist, answers questions about relationships, life choices, and personal struggles. 

The first letter is from a young woman who's unsure about continuing her six-year relationship. Sugar responds by sharing her experience working as a coffee girl in London and how it taught her to trust herself and make decisions based on her own truth. 

The second letter is from a struggling writer, comparing herself to David Foster Wallace and feeling inadequate. Sugar advises her to embrace humility and surrender, work hard, and write like a "motherF-er". She encourages her to reject self-pity and embrace her craft, regardless of how it measures up to others.

In the third letter, a woman is struggling with her parents' divorce. Sugar advises her to acknowledge the complicated nature of human relationships, and understand that it's okay to see people we love in a more fractured light. 

The fourth letter is from a man grappling with his friends' betrayal. Sugar advises him not to let this incident drive a wedge between them but rather bring them closer. She suggests that he communicate his feelings to his friends and clear the air.

The fifth letter is from a man battling addiction, financial struggles, and an unhappy marriage. Sugar advises him to seek help, get therapy, and make a financial plan. She emphasizes that the only way out of a hole is to climb out. 

In each of these letters, Sugar's advice is rooted in her own experiences, making her responses authentic and heartfelt. She encourages her readers to trust themselves, be honest, and face their fears and struggles head-on.

Sugar's Letters: A Chronicle of Life Lessons, Heartfelt Advice and Personal Struggles

The letters often bring up difficult emotions in Cheryl, and she feels honoured that the audience has trusted her with their stories. These are the next set of letters.

THE BABY BIRD: This letter tells a heart-wrenching story of abuse and the struggle to come to terms with it. It talks about the lingering trauma and the unanswerable questions that remain. It’s a stark reminder that some things are so sad and wrong that they defy understanding.

GO! GO! GO!: This letter is about a young musician struggling with the decision to leave his band and explore life. Cheryl's advice? Go! Don't let regret weigh you down later in life. Life is full of ups and downs, but it's all part of the journey.

THE BLACK ARC OF IT: This letter is about a man trying to support his fiancée who lost her mother to cancer. The pain of losing a loved one never really goes away. The kindest thing you can do is to acknowledge their pain, be there for them, and honor the memory of the person they lost.

HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE’S BOYFRIENDS: High school is full of drama. And sometimes, it involves your best friend dating a guy who's cheating on his girlfriend. It's hard to watch, but it's not your role to interfere. Everyone has to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes.

THWACK, THWACK, THWACK: A woman walks in on her boyfriend wearing her panties. It's a surprise, but it doesn't mean it's a deal-breaker. Open communication is key in every relationship. If something bothers you, it's important to bring it up and discuss it openly.

In the end, we're all just trying to navigate life's ups and downs. And sometimes, all we need is a little guidance and a listening ear.

Can Cheryl Offer Guidance Through Life's Most Complex Struggles?

A woman, devastated by her husband's infidelity with a younger colleague she helped professionally, writes to advice columnist Sugar. Her intense anger towards the woman consumes her, overshadowing her life. Sugar empathizes but suggests that focusing solely on the other woman misses the broader issue. The husband, who broke marital vows, shares equal blame. She advises the woman to shift her focus from rage to acceptance, stressing the need to process emotions and eventually find peace through introspection and healing, one breath at a time.

Another woman, struggling with the end of her fertility window and failed relationships, considers single motherhood. Despite societal pressures and personal dreams of a traditional family, she contemplates using sperm banks. Sugar encourages her to pursue motherhood if it’s her true desire, emphasizing that life’s unpredictability doesn’t diminish the value of her dreams. She should prepare for practical and emotional challenges but also recognize the profound joy motherhood can bring.

Next, a woman whose elderly father confesses past infidelities and inappropriate details feels burdened. Sugar affirms her right to set boundaries and advises her to communicate clearly and firmly with her father. If necessary, she suggests exploring medical reasons for his behavior and encourages engaging him in meaningful conversations that don’t involve his sexual history.

A mother grapples with her faith as her six-month-old daughter undergoes brain surgery. Initially doubting God’s existence due to her child’s suffering, she later finds solace in the prayers and compassionate words from others. Sugar reflects on the nature of suffering, suggesting that faith can be found in human connections and simple acts of love. She reassures the mother that believing in God doesn’t have to hinge on outcomes but can be rooted in the support and care received during tough times.

Lastly, Sugar addresses graduating creative writing students, reassuring them that success isn’t defined by societal expectations but by personal fulfillment. She shares her own journey of delays and detours, emphasizing that life’s uncertain path often leads to unexpected and rewarding destinations. She encourages them to trust their passions and embrace the unknown with courage and resilience.

Through these letters, Sugar weaves a narrative of human experiences—betrayal, single motherhood, elder care, faith, and the journey of young graduates—offering wisdom and solace, urging acceptance, and highlighting the importance of compassion and personal growth.

Navigating Life's Twists: Betrayal, Single Motherhood, Elder Care, Faith, and Graduation

Here’s some advice if you’re in your twenties: Embrace magnanimity, read a lot of poetry, and strive for humility. You’re becoming who you’ll be, so why not aim high? Emotional bravery will teach you a lot about yourself.

Take, for instance, the story of the "Beast with a Limp," a 26-year-old man who feels isolated because of his appearance due to a rare blood disorder. He’s happy and fulfilled in many aspects of his life, yet struggles with romance. 

In a heartfelt response, Sugar shares the story of her friend Ian, who was severely burned but found joy and even wealth from his settlement. Despite his remarkable life, Ian felt unworthy of romantic love and tragically took his own life. The lesson? Don’t close yourself off to love due to superficial fears. Your journey to love might be unique, but it’s possible if you’re brave enough to allow it.

This courage extends to other fears too. Take the story of a woman afraid to tell her boyfriend about her past sexual assault. Sugar advises her to share her truth directly, because withholding it only makes it bigger. Telling your story allows your partner to truly know and support you.

For those feeling overwhelmed by the demands of life, like the mother whose grown sons have moved back home, sometimes tough love is necessary. Sugar shares a personal anecdote about learning to swim, where her mother had to let go for her to realize she could float. Similarly, sometimes you have to push loved ones away to help them—and yourself—grow.

If you’re in a relationship that feels more like a trap than a partnership, Sugar’s own experience with her first marriage might resonate. She loved her husband but felt a persistent urge to leave. The core truth she realized was that wanting to leave was enough. Trusting your deepest desires, even when it’s hard, is crucial for a fulfilling life.

Lastly, for those worried about their physical imperfections, like a woman afraid of how a new lover might react to her post-weight loss body, Sugar encourages embracing vulnerability. The real transformation happens when you accept your body and invite love into your life with all its imperfections. Courage in intimacy can lead to the deepest connections.

So, whether it's about finding love, reclaiming your personal space, or embracing your true self, remember: the fairy tale of transformation is true if you’re brave enough to believe it.

Can Emotional Bravery Transform Your Twenties into a Fairy Tale?

Through this series of letters, Sugar underscores themes of self-worth, resilience, and the power of setting boundaries, making her advice both poignant and empowering.

1. Needs Direction: A young woman finds herself in a relationship with a charming but commitment-averse 24-year-old. They share humor, adventures, and great sex. However, his reluctance towards monogamy leaves her torn. Sugar advises her: "You can't convince someone to feel the way you do. If he's not into you the way you are into him, it’s time to decide if this relationship is worth the emotional toll."

2. Daughter with (Maybe) Expired Daddy Issues: Amidst planning her European wedding, a woman grapples with whether to invite her estranged, problematic father. Sugar’s advice is clear: "Don’t invite him. Your wedding should be about joy, not managing his drunken antics. Set boundaries. No is golden."

3. Haunted by His Sexual Past: A new relationship blooms, but jealousy over her partner’s past orgies torments her. Sugar suggests: "Embrace the intimacy of sharing past stories. It’s about building trust and closeness, not competition."

4. Wearing Thin: Financial anxiety dominates a young woman’s life, overshadowing her vibrant identity. Sugar shares her own struggles with student debt: "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Play the cards you’ve been dealt. Your student loans don’t define you—your resilience does."

5. Orphan: After transitioning and cutting ties with his unsupportive parents, a transgender man receives an unexpected apology. Sugar urges: "Forgive them for you. Embrace the new relationship they’re offering. It’s a chance for growth and healing."


Sugar's Advice: Navigating Love, Loss and Life's Challenges

If love were an animal, it would be a hummingbird and a snake—both beautifully untrainable. This unpredictability is reflected in our lives.

Navigating love and life isn't easy. Consider the sixty-four-year-old man who, after a painful breakup, devoted himself to community service, finding solace in helping others. Yet, his heart yearned for affection, and he feared rejection when pursuing a new love interest. His counselor advised, "Be Cary Grant," highlighting the charm and effort needed to put oneself out there.

Another poignant story comes from a woman dealing with a toxic brother who terrorized her and her family. She struggled with setting boundaries, torn between love for her parents and the need to protect herself. It's a powerful reminder that we must sometimes distance ourselves from those who harm us, even if they are family.

Addiction also tests our boundaries. One individual recognized their problem with alcohol, drinking secretly and socially, feeling trapped. The solution? To stop drinking completely and seek support, embracing the difficult journey towards sobriety.

Relationships bring their own set of challenges. Two women shared their struggles with unemployed partners. Despite their love, they felt burdened and sought ways to either accept their partners' inertia or set ultimatums to spur change. It’s a lesson in balancing compassion with self-care.

Decisions about parenthood are no less complex. A forty-one-year-old man and his partner grappled with whether to have a child, weighing their love for freedom against potential future regrets. Sometimes, the decision isn't clear-cut, but reflecting on future regrets can guide us.

Lastly, there’s the fear of illness, as expressed by a woman haunted by her family's cancer history. She worried about burdening her loved ones with her potential illness. However, living in fear diminishes the life we have now. We must silence our inner critics and embrace the present.

These stories, from heartbreak to addiction to family dysfunction, remind us of the resilience of the human spirit. Whether facing love’s unpredictability or life's toughest decisions, we must carry our whole selves—broken parts and all—toward a future of integrity, compassion, and hope.

Is Love a Hummingbird or a Snake: How Do We Navigate Life's Unpredictable Challenges?

"Constantly Hitting Refresh" wants to know how to move on from an ex in the age of social media. Sugar explains that obsessively tracking an ex on Facebook and Twitter is a form of self-torture. Sugar reminisces about the old days when waiting by the phone was painful enough. She recounts the agony of calling and leaving desperate voicemails, stalking, and the emotional rollercoaster that ensued. Sugar advises unfriending and unfollowing the ex to create distance and heal. Being friends with an ex is fine, but it's crucial to take a breather first.

"Awful Jealous Person" is struggling with envy towards successful writer friends. Sugar acknowledges that jealousy is natural but insists it shouldn’t control our lives. She distinguishes between art (writing) and commerce (book deals), urging the writer to focus on creating great work rather than obsessing over others' successes. Sugar advises replacing jealous thoughts with gratitude and to understand that others' success doesn't diminish one's own potential. She emphasizes the importance of dismantling entitlement and staying committed to one's craft.

"Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?" is entangled in a tumultuous on-again, off-again relationship with a woman who has commitment issues and a low sex drive. Sugar questions the authenticity of their connection, suggesting that true intimacy isn’t about extreme highs and lows but rather mutual respect and consistency. She encourages the writer to address her own fears and not settle out of desperation. Sugar suggests making a decision with intelligence and seeking a balanced, fulfilling relationship.

"Desperate" seeks forgiveness for a past of compulsive stealing and lying. Sugar shares a personal anecdote about a boy who stole due to loneliness, paralleling it with her own experiences of theft. She proposes that Desperate’s actions stem from childhood trauma and loneliness. Sugar advises against confessing past misdeeds to those hurt, as it may not aid healing. Instead, she encourages self-forgiveness through a ritual of letting go and changing the narrative of self-loathing into one of compassion.

"Can You Keep a Secret and Still Feel Genuine About Your Love?" has ended an online flirtation but wonders if she should confess to her husband. Sugar advises against it, noting that not all truths need to be shared if the lesson has been learned and the behavior has ceased. She emphasizes that sometimes, the greatest truth lies in the transformation and commitment to the relationship moving forward, rather than in the confession.

Lastly, a Dad, grieving the loss of his son, seeks advice on how to continue living. Sugar empathizes deeply, acknowledging the profound and ongoing nature of his grief. She encourages him to embrace his pain and love for his son, suggesting that acceptance and forgiveness will come in time. Sugar advises focusing on the present life, offering comfort to others, and finding joy where possible. She highlights the importance of creating something meaningful from his loss, transforming his grief into a lasting tribute to his son.

From Heartbreak to Healing: Sugar's Wisdom on Love, Loss, and Self-Forgiveness

In life, we often grapple with a conflicting set of emotions and desires, but it's essential to trust our gut instinct to avoid doing the wrong thing. Imagine navigating the tricky waters of relationships, where infidelity and trust are constant challenges. Take the story of a woman who idolized her sister’s seemingly perfect marriage, only to discover both partners had cheated. It shattered her perception of love, yet it revealed the complexities and resilience required for a lasting relationship. 

Consider the tale of a woman about to make a life-changing decision by engaging in a relationship for money with a married man. Her gut screamed "no," yet financial desperation clouded her judgment. The realization that true fulfillment comes from aligning with one's moral compass—rather than compromising for money—became her guiding light.

Or reflect on a young woman severing ties with her narcissistic father. His emotional abuse left deep scars, but breaking free allowed her to set boundaries and begin healing. The road to peace required confronting and accepting her painful past, a journey many of us must undertake to fill the "empty bowls" our parents leave us with.

Then there's the story of a man torn between his calling and his family. His wife, battling addiction, offered him a choice: stay and support her or pursue his career. The key lesson here? Prioritize the well-being of those you love, especially children, while seeking a balance that honors both personal and family needs.

Finally, the chaos of wedding planning often triggers aggression and anger. Yet, embracing the imperfections and unexpected moments can transform a stressful event into a cherished memory. It’s about showing up, letting go, and allowing life to unfold beautifully.

These stories remind us that life’s challenges, whether in love, family, or personal growth, require us to trust our instincts, set boundaries, and embrace the messy, beautiful journey of healing and self-discovery.

Can Trusting Your Gut Instinct Lead to Healing and Self-Discovery?

In this final set of letters, Sugar, an advice columnist, writes back to various readers who ask for guidance. 

In one letter, a woman named "Big Fan" asks for an example of how something played out over years of Sugar's life. Sugar recalls a yard sale she attended with her mother, where she bought a red velvet toddler dress, despite not having any kids. Years later, the dress became a symbol of her mother’s love and foresight as Sugar's own daughter wore the dress her grandmother bought for her. 

Then, two women involved in a complicated situation with the same man write to Sugar. They both engaged in a relationship with him, causing a rift in their friendship. Sugar advises them to learn from their mistakes and move on, noting that they're both at fault.

A reader, "Helpless Mom," shares her struggle with her temper. Sugar empathizes, sharing that she too has lost her temper as a parent. Sugar suggests seeking therapy, taking breaks, and learning from past mistakes.

A 22-year-old reader, "Seeking Wisdom," asks Sugar what advice she would give to her 20-year-old self. Sugar encourages her to stop worrying about her weight, acknowledge her mistakes, value herself, and appreciate the little moments in life.

Overall, Sugar's narrative is full of wisdom, understanding, and empathy, advising her readers to learn from their experiences, forgive themselves, and keep moving forward.

Home

Trending Books

News & Mags

Relax

Curated

Collections

Key Ideas & Notes

Insights

Highlights & Bookmarks

Listening History

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Cheryl Strayed

Intrigued by raw, real-life experiences and the resilience of the human spirit?

Want to delve into stories of love, heartbreak, family dysfunction, and addiction?

Ever wondered how to navigate life's unpredictability and make tough decisions?

Famous personalities, world events, organizations - none of that matters here, just real people with real stories. Ready to explore the extraordinary in the ordinary?

This book is a collection of poignant and deeply empathetic advice columns that Cheryl wrote under the pseudonym Sugar.

Key Ideas

#1