Ever wondered how you can harness the power of your innate intelligence, warmth, and openness to shape not just your life but the world around you? How can we break free from old habits and develop deeper connections, making conscious choices for clarity and happiness? How can practices like meditation, compassionate abiding, and tonglen help us transform negative energy into positive change? Dive in to explore these questions and more, as we navigate the journey towards a more compassionate society!

Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears

As humans, we have the potential to break free from old habits and develop a deeper connection with each other and the world. Despite our inclination to stay within our comfort zones, we are constantly making choices that either lead us to clarity and happiness or to confusion and pain. Spiritual practices often help us find peace and cope with life’s difficulties, but they also need to extend beyond personal satisfaction to address wider issues like environmental and social challenges.

A powerful story after the events of September 11, 2001, encapsulates this dilemma. A Native American grandfather tells his grandson about two wolves fighting in his heart—one vengeful and angry, the other understanding and kind. The winning wolf, he explains, is the one he chooses to feed. This analogy highlights our daily challenge: choosing which “wolf” to feed, the one that contributes to aggression or the one that fosters kindness and sanity.

We must actively choose to feed the right wolf by nurturing our natural intelligence, warmth, and openness. These qualities are intrinsic to all humans and can guide us to make positive changes in our lives and the world. For instance, pausing briefly throughout the day can help us stay present and make conscious choices rather than reacting impulsively.

Meditation is another tool to train ourselves to stay present, helping us become more aware of our habitual reactions and break free from them. It’s about learning to sit with discomfort without trying to escape it, much like resisting the urge to scratch an itch.

By pausing and staying present, we create space to connect with our natural intelligence and warmth. This approach allows us to respond with empathy and understanding rather than anger and aggression. For example, a serviceman in Iraq realized his shared humanity with an enemy when he saw a young boy with Down’s syndrome, similar to his own son, prompting him to act with compassion instead of violence.

Ultimately, by feeding the right wolf and learning to stay present, we can bring about meaningful change in our lives and the world. It’s about embracing our fundamental goodness and using it to foster a more compassionate and sane world.

Can We Truly Change the World by Feeding the Right Wolf Within Us?

We all have a natural tendency to escape the present moment, often absorbed in our thoughts and distractions. Chögyam Trungpa teaches that reality is about being fully present in our experiences, whereas fantasy is being lost in thought. This tendency to escape is common; we often multitask or act mindlessly, driven by a habit of distraction.

Buddhism describes this habit of escape as shenpa, which means getting "hooked" or "stuck." Shenpa is the itch and the urge to scratch, manifesting in various ways—whether it's the urge to smoke, overeat, or react negatively to criticism. When someone says something triggering, we often spiral into negative thoughts and actions quickly. This reaction is tied to our ego and identity, leading to a strong sense of self-absorption.

Shenpa isn't about the thoughts or emotions themselves but the underlying charge that drives them. It's critical to recognize shenpa early, as it can spread rapidly and cause more pain. Words imbued with shenpa can become tools of aggression, transforming neutral terms into insults or slurs.

To counter shenpa, Buddhists practice renunciation, which means loosening our attachment to these habits. This doesn't mean giving up things like food or lifestyle but rather changing our relationship with them. By acknowledging and experiencing shenpa without acting out or repressing it, we can tap into our natural intelligence and wisdom, leading to compassionate actions.

Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi are examples of individuals who took stands without shenpa, demonstrating open-mindedness and compassion. Shenpa can arise from both positive and negative experiences, leading us to get hooked on success or failure.

The key to easing our pain is to stay with it, fully experiencing the uneasiness. This process of staying, without reacting, helps us break the habitual patterns that cause suffering. Recognizing shenpa when it happens allows us to interrupt our automatic responses and choose a different path.

The story of Ulysses and the sirens illustrates the courage needed to resist temptation and stay present. Ulysses had himself tied to the mast to avoid steering toward the sirens' irresistible call, ultimately breaking their power. Similarly, by staying with our shenpa, we can step through the open doorway to awakening.

Each of us has the potential to create a nonviolent future by how we handle shenpa. In those moments when we can go either way, we have the choice to strengthen old habits or let the energy of shenpa unwind naturally. It takes courage, determination, and curiosity to stay open and receptive to shenpa without escaping. By doing so, we contribute to a more peaceful and compassionate world.

Embracing Presence: How King and Gandhi Mastered the Art of Shenpa

Pema Chödrön has noticed three things about shenpa: 
1. Our storylines fuel it, 
2. It comes with an undertow, and 
3. It always has consequences. 

In moments of discomfort, instead of recognizing what's happening, we often react impulsively—overeating, bingeing, or lashing out—and feel guilty afterward. This cycle can last for years.

To break free, it's crucial to drop the storyline. Meditation helps by acknowledging thoughts and letting them go, returning to the present moment. The key is to bring compassionate attention to being hooked and let the storyline go. This isn't easy and feels uncomfortable, something called the detox period.

In this process, we learn that not fueling the storyline diminishes the shenpa. Dzigar Kongtrül notes that shenpa is hard to let go of; it's like a magnetic force pulling us toward habitual reactions. Still, by pausing and abiding with the energy without acting on it, we gradually weaken these habits.

Formal practice can help. When triggered, acknowledge you're hooked, pause and take three breaths, lean into the energy, and then relax and move on. This practice is challenging but transformative. Pema's grandson, Pete, for instance, often struggles with feeling life is unfair. When reminded of Obi-Wan Kenobi, he briefly connects with his inner strength before being swept away again. Similarly, we can contact our inner strength for short periods, a huge step in interrupting ancient habits.

Practicing with small irritations—like traffic frustrations—prepares us for bigger challenges. By acknowledging we're hooked, pausing, and leaning into the discomfort, we weaken old habits and open ourselves to new experiences.

One personal lesson Pema learned the hard way: Pema once left an angry voicemail, justified in her mind, only to regret it later. Despite apologizing repeatedly, the relationship was never the same. This experience taught her the importance of not biting the hook.

By practicing with minor annoyances, we prepare for greater challenges. We can't predict the future, but we can work with our present experiences compassionately. Whether things improve or worsen globally or personally, our situation is workable.

Instead of getting caught in our stories, meditation trains us to let thoughts go and see the root of our discontent. This practice helps us work with our habits and emotions, freeing us from repetitive suffering. We already have what we need: wisdom, strength, and an awakened heart and mind. Our teachers guide us, but the journey is ours.

Through sitting meditation, as taught by Chögyam Trungpa, we become present and allow our neuroses to surface. This practice isn't self-improvement but a way to appreciate our world and ourselves unconditionally. By staying present, we stop kicking the wheel of habit and learn to appreciate being right here.

A few years ago, Pema felt deep anxiety without a storyline. Her teacher Dzigar Kongtrül helped Pema see it differently, calling it "Dakini Bliss." This shifted Pema's perspective and diminished the anxiety. The lesson: take an interest in your pain and fear, move closer, and get curious. Change the way you see it and lean in.

Instead of blaming our discomfort on outer circumstances, we can stay present and awake to our experience. This is priceless advice for addressing the true cause of suffering—for ourselves and all living beings.

Can Meditation Break the Cycle of Shenpa and Transform Our Habits?

You know those moments when you catch yourself falling into old habits and feel bad about it? Instead, celebrate the fact that you have the courage to be honest with yourself. This shift in perspective can turn life's challenges into valuable lessons. 

The key is to stay present with a sense of humor and loving-kindness toward yourself, a concept Chögyam Trungpa referred to as "making friends with ourselves." This unconditional friendliness helps foster self-compassion and empathy for others.

Start your day with a simple aspiration, like acknowledging when you get hooked by old habits. At the end of the day, reflect on this without focusing on failures. Celebrate even the smallest achievements. This practice, inspired by Dzigar Kongtrül, builds confidence and transforms self-reflection into a positive, rather than a discouraging, experience.

Take joy in recognizing your patterns. Even if you can't always avoid falling into old habits, each moment of awareness is progress. This approach is similar to how Weight Watchers encourages patience with weight fluctuations—focus on the broader perspective.

Chögyam Trungpa emphasized the importance of balancing "gloriousness" and "wretchedness." We need both to develop empathy and resilience. Don't let setbacks overshadow small victories. Celebrate moments of happiness and comfort, and gradually appreciate the preciousness of your entire life.

Remember, life is constantly changing. We label ourselves and others, but we are all in flux, like a river. Recognize this and stay open to the dynamic energy of life. A powerful example of this openness is the story of Michael and Julie Weisser, who turned their hate-fueled interactions with a KKK member, Larry Trapp, into a transformative friendship. By offering kindness instead of hostility, they helped Trapp renounce his hateful beliefs.

Embrace the natural energy of your emotions, whether they are pleasant or challenging. This openness allows for a fresh relationship with life and fosters a deeper connection with others. Practice staying present, even in difficult situations, and avoid getting caught up in fixed ideas about yourself and others.

Finally, find moments to pause and appreciate the vastness of life. Look at the sky, take deep breaths, and let natural openness come to you. This practice can dramatically shift your perspective and help you stay connected to the magic of the present moment. It's a powerful way to contribute to a more peaceful world.

Embracing Change: From Old Habits to Transformative Friendships

Before we truly appreciate natural warmth, we often need to experience loss. Many of us glide through life, taking things for granted until a significant event, like an illness or death, forces us to confront the fragility of our existence. 

When Pema's mother passed away, sorting through her belongings revealed how much we cling to objects for comfort. This realization made Pema view her own treasures differently, understanding that objects are inherently meaningless without the values we assign to them.

Experiencing loss and pain opened Pema's heart to others’ suffering. Her second marriage's dissolution left her raw and vulnerable, yet also tender toward strangers. Pema found herself connecting deeply with others, seeing them as fellow travelers on life's unpredictable journey. This shared humanity became palpable in the aftermath of collective tragedies, like September 11, when people instinctively reached out to support each other.

Dzigar Kongtrül, a Buddhist teacher, emphasized the importance of pain in spiritual growth. He observed that his teachings resonated most deeply with students who had experienced profound loss. Pain uncovers our innate warmth, awakening love, compassion, and empathy. These feelings, often uncomfortable, can soften and transform us if we don’t flee from them.

Jill Bolte Taylor’s research shows emotions last only 90 seconds unless we perpetuate them with stories. By dropping these narratives, we access our genuine hearts and maintain openness. When we face discomfort, we have a choice: open up or shut down. Choosing openness can connect us with others' suffering, turning personal distress into empathy.

Stories of transformation illustrate this potential. A man who once harmed others now helps sex offenders because he understands their pain. Similarly, a woman who harbored hate as a child now compassionately works with juvenile offenders. Our suffering can connect us with others and foster a caring relationship with the world.

Developing compassion begins with self-compassion, as taught by the Dalai Lama and Chögyam Trungpa. By trusting and accepting ourselves, we naturally extend friendliness to others. This internal peace allows us to remain open, even in crises. One woman’s experience in an airplane crash led her to help others in distress, despite initial panic and guilt.

The Buddha’s enlightenment under the bodhi tree involved facing temptations without reacting. His experience teaches us to let emotions arise and pass without acting on them, transforming destructive energies into positive ones. This practice, known as compassionate abiding, involves breathing in discomfort and breathing out openness, helping us develop maitri, or loving-kindness, toward ourselves.

Tonglen, another practice, involves taking in others' suffering and sending out relief. It challenges us to empathize with others, even those we dislike, by recognizing shared human experiences. By practicing tonglen, we stretch our capacity for compassion and break down barriers of self-centeredness.

Ultimately, helping others begins with helping ourselves. By befriending our experiences and developing warmth for ourselves, we build the strength and kindness needed to connect with others. As we overcome our self-absorption and open to the world, we contribute to a more compassionate society. This journey requires courage, but as Chögyam Trungpa proclaimed, it is possible. Together, we can create a world where unconditional friendliness and caring prevail.

Can Loss and Pain Unlock Our Deepest Compassion and Connect Us to Others?

We have the potential to break free from old habits and connect deeply with others and the world. Choices we make daily can lead to clarity and happiness or confusion and pain. Spiritual practices, while helpful for personal peace, should also address broader issues like environmental and social challenges. The analogy of feeding two wolves—one vengeful and one kind—highlights the importance of nurturing our natural intelligence, warmth, and openness to foster positive change.

Meditation trains us to stay present, making us aware of habitual reactions and helping us break free from them. This presence allows us to respond with empathy rather than anger. Recognizing and working with shenpa, or the urge to react impulsively, is crucial. Practicing renunciation and staying with discomfort without reacting helps us tap into our natural intelligence and wisdom.

By acknowledging shenpa early, we can interrupt automatic responses and choose a different path. This practice involves recognizing when we're hooked, pausing, and leaning into discomfort. Meditation helps by allowing thoughts to arise and pass without fueling negative storylines. This approach fosters self-compassion and empathy for others, transforming our experiences into valuable lessons.

Balancing our experiences of "gloriousness" and "wretchedness" develops empathy and resilience. Embracing the dynamic nature of life and staying present, even in difficult situations, deepens our connection with others. Experiencing loss and pain often opens our hearts to others' suffering, fostering love, compassion, and empathy.

Developing self-compassion is key to extending friendliness to others. Practices like compassionate abiding and tonglen help us transform negative energies into positive ones and empathize with others' suffering. By befriending our experiences and developing warmth for ourselves, we build the strength and kindness needed to connect with others and contribute to a more compassionate society.

Ultimately, by staying present, nurturing our intrinsic qualities, and practicing compassion, we can create a world where unconditional friendliness and caring prevail.

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Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears

Pema Chödrön

6 Key ideas

18 MINS

4.8 (858)

Ever wondered how you can harness the power of your innate intelligence, warmth, and openness to shape not just your life but the world around you?

How can we break free from old habits and develop deeper connections, making conscious choices for clarity and happiness?

How can practices like meditation, compassionate abiding, and tonglen help us transform negative energy into positive change?

Dive in to explore these questions and more, as we navigate the journey towards a more compassionate society!