What transforms a skeptic into one of Christianity's most celebrated voices? Journey through the life of C.S. Lewis—from the trenches of war to the halls of Oxford, from Norse mythology to reluctant faith. How did friendships, philosophy, and moments of inexplicable joy guide him from doubt to belief, revealing a truth far greater than earthly pursuits?

Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life

Born in 1898 in Belfast, C.S. Lewis grew up in a family marked by contrasting backgrounds—his father, a passionate Welshman, and his mother, a composed Hamilton. His childhood was a blend of emotional highs and the calming influence of literature. His father's love for rhetoric and politics stood in stark contrast to his mother's mathematical mind and voracious reading habits. Their home was filled with books, and Lewis was free to explore them, nurturing his imagination.

Lewis and his brother shared a world of creativity, drawing and writing stories about anthropomorphized animals and knights. These stories evolved into a detailed world called Animal-Land, reflecting their diverse interests and imaginations.

Despite the idyllic setting, Lewis’s early years were marred by nightmares and a phobia of insects, fueled by a terrifying illustration in a nursery book. A move to a larger house in the countryside expanded his horizons, offering solitude and endless books, which became his sanctuary.

The tranquility of these early years was shattered by his mother's illness and eventual death. Her passing marked the end of settled happiness, leaving his father distraught and the family divided. In the aftermath, Lewis and his brother relied on each other, drawing closer in a world suddenly bereft of maternal warmth and comfort.

Yet, amid grief, moments of inexplicable joy emerged for Lewis—through a toy garden, Beatrix Potter's "Squirrel Nutkin", and the haunting lines about Balder the Beautiful. These experiences, defined by unsatisfied desire, shaped the central narrative of his life: a pursuit of joy distinct from mere happiness or pleasure.

In this world of imagination and loss, Lewis learned to navigate the sea of life's uncertainties, leaving behind the secure continent of childhood.

What Secrets of Imagination and Loss Did C.S. Lewis's Childhood Hold?

Picture a chilly September evening in 1908, as a young boy and his brother clop through the streets of Belfast in a four-wheeler, heading to school for the first time. This isn’t just any school; it’s a place that evokes dread and discomfort, symbolized by the boy’s detested attire: suffocating Eton collar, aching boots, and an iron-like bowler hat. His father’s warnings of adult life as drudgery have cast a shadow over the excitement of growing up. 

Upon boarding the Fleetwood boat, a mixture of excitement and nausea envelops C.S. Lewis; his brother, a seasoned traveler, guides him through the ship’s sights, while the boy clumsily attempts to mimic seasickness, envying his brother’s worldly ways.

Arriving in England, the boy’s first impressions are those of disdain. The flat landscapes seem alien and suffocating, as if a prison cell, contrasting his beloved Irish vistas. Their destination is a dreary school in Hertfordshire, which to him, feels like a concentration camp. Life there echoes the somberness of its surroundings: a rigid headmaster, ‘Oldie,’ rules with cruel unpredictability, flanked by his equally silent family and transient staff. 

Yet, amidst this oppressive atmosphere, the boy finds solace in camaraderie with his fellow boarders, bonding over shared adversity. They explore the countryside, speculate on philosophical musings, and grapple with the mysteries of religion.

While Oldie's school offers little in academic nourishment, it paradoxically instills in him a deeper understanding of geometry, unwavering faith, and a camaraderie forged in adversity. The boy learns to navigate life’s challenges with hope and resilience, drawing parallels between his school experiences and the broader challenges of life. Despite the bleakness, there are moments of joy, the anticipation of holidays, and the warmth of home, where his father’s mercurial temperament offers respite from school’s harsh realities.

Through these experiences, the boy comes to understand the value of friendship and shared struggles, shaping his outlook on life. In sunny and confident times, he learns to accept that both joy and hardship are transient—lessons that resonate beyond the school walls, into the journey of life itself.

From Suffocating Collars to Resilient Camaraderie: A Journey Through 1908 Belfast and Beyond

In a grand hall filled with joyful souls, a sharp contrast marked the early life of Lewis—a tale of two grandparental figures. His Grandfather Lewis was calm and reflective, while his Grandmother Hamilton was fiery and unconventional, residing in a dilapidated mansion filled with numerous cats. 

Their stark differences mirrored the dynamics within Lewis's family, particularly between his father’s affectionate brother, Uncle Joe, and his mother’s intellectually stimulating brother, Uncle Gussie. Uncle Gussie shared with Lewis a passion for science and literature, inspiring his early appreciation of H.G. Wells.

Mountbracken, a majestic home, became a sanctuary for Lewis and his brother, largely due to the kindness of Cousin Mary. Her unwavering hospitality and refined manners imparted lessons in grace and courtesy. Sir W., a noble and dignified figure reminiscent of Galsworthy’s Forsytes but far more gracious and humble, devoted his life to duty and charity. His strikingly beautiful daughters became integral to Lewis's life, each unique in their charm and friendship.

In contrast, Lewis's schooling presented significant challenges. At Campbell College, he encountered a world of raw, untamed energy, where bullying was pervasive. Yet, this environment introduced him to literature through Arnold's "Sohrab and Rustum", sparking his lifelong love for poetry. A brief illness brought him home, where solitude allowed him to delve into fairy tales and imaginative landscapes, fostering his creative spirit.

His transition to Chartres marked the beginning of a new chapter. There, Lewis thrived academically, formed genuine friendships, and found delight in the school’s beautiful surroundings. However, his faith began to waver, influenced by a charming yet spiritually curious matron, Miss C., who unknowingly nudged him toward higher thought and the occult. This shift, combined with his personal struggles in prayer and emerging doubts fueled by classical studies, ultimately led to his apostasy.

Under the influence of Pogo, a young and witty teacher, Lewis embraced a superficial sophistication, abandoning simpler virtues in favor of the allure of worldly knowledge. Despite this inner tumult, his time at Chartres offered moments of joy, adventure, and discovery, making it a classic period of his schooldays—a time defined by growth, exploration, and transformation.

Thus, through the interplay of family ties, school experiences, and personal revelations, Lewis's childhood unfolded—a rich tapestry of contrasts, challenges, and cherished memories, shaping the man he would become.

Did Grandmother Hamilton's Fiery Spirit and Mountbracken's Grace Shape C.S. Lewis' Journey?

The Renaissance often evokes images of Europe bathed in cultural blossoming during the fifteenth century. Yet, Lewis wondered if historians were simply projecting their personal awakenings, akin to the reawakening individuals experience after puberty. This rebirth, to him, seemed to retrieve the wonder lost in the "dark ages" of boyhood, a period marked by unideal senses and ambitions.

In Lewis's youth, authentic joy had vanished, leaving a barren landscape, until one transformative moment at Chartres. A forgotten literary periodical caught his eye with the words "Siegfried and the Twilight of the Gods," alongside Arthur Rackham’s illustrations. This Northern vision instantly resurrected a long-lost joy, akin to the thrill he had once found in "Tegner’s Drapa" and the world of Balder. This revelation, like a heartbreak, merged the longing for past joy with the allure of an unattainable Northernness.

A gift from Lewis's father—a gramophone—soon became the gateway to Wagner's operas, particularly "The Ring," igniting an intense passion within him. Inspired, Lewis began composing a heroic poem despite his ignorance, rhyming "Alberich" with "ditch" and "Mime" with "time," influenced by Pope’s "Odyssey." This venture revealed to him the very essence of writing: expressing profound excitement.

His fascination with Wagner’s music transformed into an obsession, driven by the Northernness that seemed more vital to him than his growing doubts about Christianity. This imaginative renaissance led Lewis to a new appreciation for nature, where landscapes began to mirror the Wagnerian world. The Wicklow mountains became scenes from Siegfried’s adventures, soon evolving into a medium of genuine joy.

This Northernness spurred Lewis's interest in Norse mythology, leading him to explore myths and legends, absorbing joy from the Eddaic universe. This secret imaginative life, distinct from his outer existence, shaped a dual narrative—a vibrant inner world unaffected by the mundane realities around him.

As Lewis’s journey continued to Wyvern College, the allure of becoming a Blood—a school aristocrat—proved irresistible. Bloods, admired athletes and prefects, embodied worldly power. Yet, beneath the surface, the school became, in his eyes, a temple of worship for these mortal gods, a structure that overshadowed even his religious doubts.

Navigating Wyvern’s hierarchy required Lewis to embrace athletics and the culture of Bloodery, where athletic prowess and charm were keys to social ascent. The House Tarts, effeminate boys serving the Bloods, illustrated the school’s preparation for public life. Amidst this, however, he found himself exhausted, yearning for the peace of sleep, overwhelmed by the relentless demands of school life.

Wyvern, with its impersonal fagging system, mirrored the Victorian labor market, where junior boys served the Bloods without personal attachment. The fatigue from endless chores and feigned interest in games wore Lewis down. Despite this, moments of genuine play occasionally surfaced, such as Ballygunnian’s rebellious escapades or Popsy’s giggles—fleeting escapes from the rigid structure.

In this environment, the masters played only minor roles, and Lewis’s gradual transformation into an intellectual prig went largely unnoticed. The overarching impression Wyvern left upon him was one of relentless fatigue, an endless cycle of evasion and pretense, underscored by a constant yearning for the peace and solace of sleep.

Awakening the Northern Spirit: A Personal Renaissance Through Wagner and Myth

No matter how desolate a situation may seem, there’s always a hint of comfort. This sentiment resonates with Lewis’ memories of school life at Wyvern, a place marked by struggles and revelations. 

At Wyvern, Lewis met two boys from Oxford who introduced him to the world of literature, sparking an awakening that evolved into a priggish superiority complex. The school system, supposedly designed to humble young boys, ironically nurtured a disdain for the 'philistines'—those who didn’t share the author's newfound literary tastes.

Despite the oppressive regime, there were two bright spots: Smewgy, the form master, and the Gurney library. Smewgy’s courteous manner and mellifluous teaching enchanted the author with poetry, elevating his spirit beyond the school’s banal ambitions. Meanwhile, the Gurney offered sanctuary—a refuge where the author could lose himself in books and escape the relentless social ladder-climbing that dominated school life.

Lewis' home life, however, was marked by perplexity and concealment. His father, though intelligent, was a man of confusing interpretations, making communication nearly impossible. Despite this, Lewis found solace in the freedom promised by a future with Mr. Kirkpatrick, where he could escape the demands of school games and revel in solitude and study. This decision marked the end of one tumultuous chapter and the beginning of a promising new one.

Amidst the turbulence, Lewis found a kindred spirit in Arthur, whose shared love for Norse mythology forged an unexpected friendship—astonishing and akin to first love. As the world edged into the chaos of war in 1914, Lewis’ departure from Wyvern was not just an escape but a farewell to a challenging era, opening the door to new adventures and friendships.

Could Literature and Friendship at Wyvern School Spark an Escape from War's Chaos in 1914?

Picture a September day, when a young man travels from Liverpool to London, his journey culminating in the charming town of Great Bookham. He’s been warned of Surrey's suburban demeanor, but the natural beauty that greets him overturns all expectations. 

The landscape is alive with steep hills, lush valleys, and sprawling forests—a world far removed from the gravel and iron of Belfast. The scenery ignites in him a yearning for domestic happiness, evoking daydreams of tea trays amidst the timbered and red-tiled houses nestled in trees.

Here, C.S. Lewis meets his new teacher, known affectionately as "The Great Knock." This towering figure, rugged and muscular, with a face seemingly carved from muscle, defies the sentimental image painted by the young man's father. Instead of the anticipated embrace, he finds himself in the company of a man who values truth above all, compelled to confront and clarify his thoughts. 

The Great Knock, with his relentless logic, challenges Lewis to examine his assumptions and ground his opinions in evidence. It’s a rigorous intellectual sparring that the young man, surprisingly, finds invigorating.

Life at Bookham is structured and fulfilling, with mornings dedicated to studying Homer and afternoons reserved for exploring Surrey’s intricate beauty. The walks through narrow valleys and hidden villages offer a labyrinthine pleasure, akin to the complexities found in literature. The young man learns to savor both solitude and the companionship of his dog, Tim, a faithful yet independent presence in his life. Meanwhile, parcels of books from Messrs Denny add layers to this richness, each delivery a promise of new worlds to explore.

In the background, the war rages on the continent, yet the young man chooses to focus on his studies and friendships, forging a mental treaty with reality. He vows to serve when called but refuses to let the war consume his present. His friendship with Arthur, a man of diverse talents, opens new literary vistas. Arthur introduces him to the homeliness of classic English novels, a refreshing counterbalance to his romantic inclinations.

Amidst this tapestry of learning and discovery, the young man grapples with complex family dynamics and the expectations of society. He endures rituals of faith without belief, driven by cowardice and the fear of disappointing his father. It’s a decision he regrets, yet it marks a poignant chapter in his journey to self-awareness.

Through the seasons, the young man’s life at Bookham unfolds in a rhythm of study, exploration, and quiet contemplation. The idyllic routine is punctuated by vivid memories of landscapes both near and far, as he learns to embrace the beauty in both the ordinary and the extraordinary. His intellectual growth is nurtured by the contrasting influences of his teachers, Smewgy and Kirk, each leaving an indelible mark on his mind and spirit.

As the years pass, the young man reflects on his experiences, recognizing the profound impact of these formative days. In the end, he cherishes the intellectual muscle he gained under Kirk’s tutelage and the deep appreciation for literature instilled by Arthur. Amidst the laughter and challenges, he finds gratitude for the lessons learned, carrying them forward into the unfolding chapters of his life.

C.S. Lewis and The Great Knock: A Journey to Intellectual Awakening

When the familiar joy of Norse mythology and Wagner's music began to fade, Lewis turned to scholarly pursuits, immersing himself in the intricate cosmos of the "Edda". Confident in his knowledge yet longing for the initial thrill, he sought to recapture it. This quest brought to mind a hill walk—a moment of pure joy—where he realized that memory itself could become a renewed experience of the same kind. Joy, Lewis discovered, defied the distinction between desire and possession, where to want was, in some mysterious way, already to have.

Lewis's yearning for magic and the occult grew alongside his love for myth and poetry, yet the pursuit of the supernatural ultimately proved irrelevant to joy. Through experience, he came to understand that joy was not found in magic or eroticism but in the profound holiness encountered unexpectedly. This realization transformed his perception of the ordinary world, allowing him to find joy in common things where he had not noticed it before.

His journey eventually led him to Oxford, the city of dreaming spires, where he found camaraderie among both scholars and soldiers. The horrors of war, though ever-present, were tempered by the bonds of fellowship and a shared understanding that the conflict, unpleasant as it was, remained a necessity. Among his companions in the army, Lewis met Johnson, a man of conscience who introduced him to the concept of principles. Johnson's influence challenged Lewis's previous indifference to virtues like veracity and chastity, forcing him to reevaluate his moral framework.

The trenches tested Lewis's endurance and courage, a landscape of unrelenting weariness and water. Yet, strangely, they left less of a mark on his memory than an imaginative moment: hearing the sound of a bullet, which strangely reminded him of Homer and the timeless nature of war. Through these experiences, Lewis came to understand that joy is elusive, often found in reflection and memory, rather than in material or magical pursuits that merely offered fleeting distractions from the deeper truths of life.

Can Joy Truly Be Found Beyond Norse Mythology and Wagner's Enchantment?

Imagine a time when the world seemed tangled in the aftermath of war, and a young man found himself grappling with profound questions about life and existence. This is the story of C.S. Lewis, a journey from skepticism to belief, marked by moments of revelation and transformation. 

During the war, Lewis encountered the stark reality of mortality in a way that was almost mundane, leading him to ponder deeply about the self. Years later, these reflections made philosophical concepts like Kant's distinction between the Noumenal and Phenomenal self profoundly tangible for him. 

Another pivotal moment occurred as Lewis immersed himself in the works of Bergson, which shifted his emotional perspective from the ethereal to an appreciation for energy and growth. He returned to Oxford with a new vigor for intellectual exploration, seeking out friendships that shaped his worldview. 

One such friendship was with Owen Barfield, a man who challenged Lewis at every turn, engaging in intense intellectual duels that reshaped Lewis's thoughts. Through their debates, Lewis shed his chronological snobbery and embraced a broader, more critical perspective on intellectual history. This exchange led him to abandon his realist philosophy, embracing a mental universe where mind and spirit were paramount.

Lewis's transformation continued as he encountered various influences—his friend Nevill Coghill, who embodied archaic virtues, and authors like George MacDonald and Chesterton who subtly tugged him towards Christianity. Despite the intellectual allure of Absolute Idealism, Lewis found that Christian authors resonated more deeply with the complexities of human existence than their secular counterparts.

The turning point came with a simple yet profound realization during a bus ride: he was holding something at bay, shutting something out. In a moment of clarity, Lewis chose to open himself to the possibility of God, experiencing a melting sensation akin to a snowman in the sun. This surrender was not easy nor joyful, but it marked the beginning of his spiritual journey.

As Lewis grappled with his philosophical convictions, he came face to face with the idea of God—not as a distant abstraction but as an undeniable presence demanding total surrender. His reluctant conversion to Theism was followed by an even more profound acceptance of Christianity, recognizing in Jesus Christ the embodiment of truth he had been seeking.

In the end, what Lewis found was not just an intellectual or emotional resolution but a peace that transcended his earlier pursuits. The elusive Joy he once chased now served merely as a signpost on his journey, a guide pointing towards something far greater—a destination that promised fulfillment beyond the limits of earthly desire.

C.S. Lewis: From War-Torn Skepticism to Spiritual Awakening

Growing up in a household marked by contrasting parental influences, C.S. Lewis experienced a blend of emotional intensity and intellectual curiosity. His father's passion for rhetoric stood in sharp contrast to his mother's mathematical precision, creating a rich environment filled with literature. 

Lewis's childhood creativity blossomed through storytelling, leading to the creation of a vivid imaginary world shared with his brother. Despite the idyllic surroundings, early fears and family tragedies introduced him to the complexities of loss and longing.

As he transitioned to school life, Lewis encountered the rigidity and adversity of a harsh educational system, which paradoxically nurtured his resilience and philosophical exploration. These experiences taught him to value camaraderie and shared struggles, helping shape his understanding of life's transient nature. Within his diverse family, the contrast between intellectual and affectionate relatives influenced his literary and scientific interests.

During his time at various schools, the allure of academic excellence and social hierarchy led to a personal transformation for Lewis, in which superficial sophistication masked deeper existential doubts. His exploration of Norse mythology and Wagner's music fueled an inner world of imaginative joy, offering a realm distinct from the mundane. Despite the oppressive atmosphere and relentless fatigue of school life, moments of genuine friendship and intellectual growth emerged, providing him with solace and insight.

Over time, scholarly pursuits replaced the fading joy of his mythological and musical obsessions, revealing to Lewis that true joy defies conventional distinctions between desire and possession. His experiences during wartime and academic endeavors at Oxford further shaped his philosophical and spiritual journey. Intellectual challenges and influential friendships prompted him to reevaluate his beliefs, culminating in a reluctant yet profound acceptance of Christianity.

Through the tapestry of contrasts and challenges that defined his life, Lewis discovered that joy is elusive, often found in reflection, memory, and unexpected moments of holiness, rather than in material or magical pursuits. This journey ultimately led him to a peace and understanding that transcended his earlier pursuits, guiding him toward a deeper fulfillment beyond earthly desires.

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Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life

C.S. Lewis

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27 MINS

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What transforms a skeptic into one of Christianity's most celebrated voices?

Journey through the life of C.S. Lewis—from the trenches of war to the halls of Oxford, from Norse mythology to reluctant faith. How did friendships, philosophy, and moments of inexplicable joy guide him from doubt to belief, revealing a truth far greater than earthly pursuits?