What happens when you mix a no-nonsense Jewish doctor, a chaotic 1,800-mile road trip, and life lessons wrapped in blunt humor? Can tough love, colorful one-liners, and a gourmet-fed dog teach you everything about life, family, and resilience?

Sh*t My Dad Says

In the summer of 1987, Justin Halpern's family embarked on an epic road trip from San Diego to a wedding in Washington state. His dad, refusing to pay for flights, crammed all five of them into their '82 Thunderbird, and they drove for 1,800 miles. It was a journey filled with sibling torment and his dad's desperate attempts to maintain peace, but they finally made it to Olympia.

Once there, a dilemma arose about room arrangements, with everyone assuming it would be "cute" for Justin to share with Grandpa. Justin wasn't thrilled and faked being sick to avoid it. His dad saw through his ruse and took him to confront Grandpa, who, to Justin's relief, was equally uninterested in sharing a room with him.

Justin's dad's unfiltered wisdom peppered his childhood. From toilet training—"You have to shit in the toilet"—to his first day of kindergarten, his advice was always blunt. His perspective on table manners, talking to strangers, and even Justin's seventh birthday party was delivered with a dose of humor and reality.

A memorable night involved Justin's dad defending "his house" with a shotgun when Justin's aunt inadvertently triggered his burglar alarm by making a late-night snack. The police arrived, and the next morning was awkward, to say the least.

At ten, Justin often accompanied his dad to work due to his mom's law school commitments. He spent hours in his office, armed with a Snickers and a medical journal, trying to entertain himself. During one of his dad's lectures, Justin got restless and attempted a covert crawl through the rows of doctors, only to be caught and paraded out in silence. His dad's reaction was predictably explosive, but he cooled off eventually.

Throughout his childhood, Justin's dad's candid commentary on life—from sportsmanship and school incidents to showering regularly—shaped his understanding of the world. His unforgettable reactions and advice, though often unorthodox, were rooted in a unique kind of love that only he could deliver.

Did Dad's Unfiltered Wisdom Turn Justin's Epic Road Trip Into a Lesson?

In sixth grade, Justin was tasked with creating a science experiment for the school fair, much to his dismay. His dad, a medical researcher, was thrilled and pushed him to create the best experiment ever. 

Justin decided to involve their dog, Brownie, in a test to see if he could recognize shapes. However, he quickly lost interest and ended up faking the data. When his dad discovered his deceit, he was furious and insisted Justin confess to his teacher and classmates. This experience taught Justin about honesty and the importance of integrity, though it was a hard lesson learned.

Justin's parents, both from humble beginnings, always reminded them of the value of hard work and money. His dad, who grew up on a Kentucky farm, had a unique way of illustrating life's struggles, once claiming his mom would relieve his earaches by urinating in his ear—an anecdote that always left Justin baffled.

When Justin's mom proposed they eat like the impoverished to understand their struggles, it led to a week of bizarre, canned meals that neither Justin nor his brother could stomach. His dad, who refused to partake, explained that while he understood the value of money, it was also important to respect his mom’s past hardships.

Justin's dad’s stint as his Little League coach was short-lived, thanks to his clashes with the entitled parents of his teammates. He believed in equal playtime for everyone, which didn’t sit well with the parents. After a heated encounter during a game, he quit but continued to teach Justin and another player, Roger, on their own time. Despite his gruff nature, Justin's dad always stood up for fairness, even when confronting parents who bullied kids like Roger.

Through these experiences, Justin learned about honesty, empathy, and the complexities of growing up with a father who, despite his tough exterior, cared deeply about the values he instilled in him. Justin's dad’s unique life lessons, whether about the absurdity of celebrating every minor achievement or the medicinal power of bacon, have stuck with him, shaping the person he is today.

Life Lessons from Dad: From Science Fairs to the Value of Bacon

Growing up with his dad was like living with a no-nonsense life coach, always ready with a colorful piece of advice for Justin. His father believed in hard work and didn't sugarcoat the truth. "If you work hard and mess up, that's okay. If you keep messing up, then you're a mess-up," he'd say. 

When Justin was in junior high, he was the stereotypical nerd—small, glasses, awkward. His parents tried sending him to a creative school, but that didn’t stick. Back in public school, Justin struggled with math, leading to isolation in his room, which his dad assured him was no prison.

Despite their disagreements, Justin's dad was his fiercest advocate. When a tough math teacher flunked him and others for not understanding the basics, his dad marched into school, confronting him, "That's bullshit!" This wasn’t just embarrassing; it was a roller coaster of emotions. Yet, he made sure Justin was transferred to a class where he could succeed.

His dad's advice was unfiltered and often hilarious. He had strong opinions on everything from friendships—“I don’t think they’d screw your girlfriend, if you had one”—to using protection, stuffing condoms in Justin's car with a stern, “I’d rather not pay for a kid.” His life lessons were wrapped in humor and practicality, like when he found Justin's stash of porn and laughed, "Your penis betrayed you, son."

Justin's dad valued authenticity and confidence. On a trip to Denny’s, he tried to impart wisdom about women, telling him, "No one wants to lay the guy who wouldn’t lay himself," as nearby diners listened in. His blunt approach was his way of teaching Justin to deal with life's awkwardness.

Even when discussing Justin's future, he was both practical and supportive. He encouraged Justin to find passion in his career, but not without a reality check: “You’re working at Mervyn’s!” His dad’s advice was as genuine as it was rough around the edges, reminding Justin that despite life’s challenges, like a low GPA or a missed no-hitter, he was plenty capable and smart. And though his methods were unconventional, his belief in Justin's potential was unshakeable.

Is Unfiltered Fatherly Wisdom the Secret to Thriving Despite Life's Challenges?

Growing up, Justin's family would visit Champaign, Illinois, where his dad's mellow and nurturing relatives lived. Unlike his dad, they were warm and over-the-top with compliments, always joking about Justin's supposed modeling career. 

One family reunion, Justin encountered Joey, a three-year-old cousin who couldn't stop shouting "JOEY'S HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OH YEAH!" weeks after his actual birthday. His dad, never one to indulge nonsense regardless of age, confronted Joey, leaving him confused and tearful. "A three-year-old doesn’t have a license to act like an asshole," his dad explained after Joey ran off.

Living at home in his twenties wasn't unusual in Justin's family. His brother Evan lived with them too, working at Hooters despite his prestigious education. Dad was worried about Evan's lack of a love life and set him up on a blind date. Evan felt humiliated, believing a neurosurgeon was out of his league. Dad was furious, insisting, "You are a man, she is a woman! That is all that matters!" To drive the point home, he shared a story over steaks about contracting mono from a stewardess, illustrating how he once underestimated his own worth.

His dad's bluntness extended to life lessons, including death. Raised in a secular home, Justin wrestled with existential anxiety. When he asked his dad about the afterlife, he casually described it as "nothingness for eternity," which sent Justin spiraling. His mom tried to reassure him, but his dad doubled down on his science-based view. The next morning, he softened, telling Justin, "You're never gone. Just worry about living; dying is the easy part."

His dad's unfiltered wisdom colored Justin's upbringing: from dismissing telemarketers with a curt "Hello?...Fuck you," to advising him against tattoos and cigars in his own gruff way. He was a man who cherished life's simple pleasures, like claiming senior discounts or taking a good dump, and never hesitated to cut through pretense with humor and honesty.

Life Lessons from Dad: Unfiltered Wisdom and Humor

When Justin was nine, he started experiencing these odd sensations in his joints—like a tiny person tickling him from the inside, causing muscle spasms. His family called it "The Twitches." His dad, a no-nonsense Jewish doctor, chose his physicians until one moved away and Justin picked a new one himself. 

This new doctor prescribed Zoloft, thinking it might help, but his dad was furious. "You might solve your problem, but you'd be the crazy guy using land mines to get rid of wolves," he said, dumping the pills down the sink.

Years later, in college, Justin moved out of his parents' house but still visited them weekly. His dad, with his colorful wisdom, never missed a chance to drop advice, whether it was on watering plants or choosing furniture. 

One memorable weekend, Justin was supposed to help him in the garden but got sidetracked by a crush in Rosarito. His dad was livid when he found out, worried sick, and furious Justin went to Mexico—a place he imagined as a danger zone. After a series of dramatic voicemails, Justin returned home to face the music. Instead of a blowout, he got a hug and a reminder of parental worry.

Living on his own was a journey filled with his dad's humorous, albeit sometimes crude, advice on everything from budgeting to dealing with loud neighbors. Despite the occasional clash, their relationship evolved from a traditional parent-child dynamic to one of mutual respect and friendship. Justin's dad's blunt, hilarious wisdom became a guide as he navigated the ups and downs of adulthood.

Can Parental Wisdom Outshine Prescription Pills?

A couple of months after graduating college, Justin moved from San Diego to Los Angeles with dreams of becoming a screenwriter. His dad, always the colorful character, offered advice spiced with tough love: "Get ready for a fucking of biblical proportions." Despite his bluntness, he believed in Justin, offering to pay his first three months of rent in LA.

Justin landed in a West Hollywood apartment with a college friend, both of them chasing dreams in the entertainment industry. His dad had warned him about LA, calling it "San Diego’s older, uglier sister with herpes." On his first night, Justin discovered thin walls when he mistook his neighbors' passionate lovemaking for a bombshell woman with a faceless man, only to find out they were a gay couple.

His career start was rocky, delivering apartment guides to 7-Elevens and struggling to find writing gigs. Justin's only friend was Patrick, his writing partner from college. Even amidst the chaos, his family was his anchor. His dad frequently injected humor into his struggles, once even joking about jerking off to his neighbors.

After months of hustling, Justin landed a job waiting tables at Crocodile Cafe. His dad, always supportive, insisted on celebrating. He took Justin to Lawry’s, a prime rib restaurant, and toasted his minor victory with genuine pride.

Eventually, Justin adopted a dog, Angus, without much thought. His energy and size quickly overwhelmed Justin, leading him to seek a new home for him with his parents. Surprisingly, his dad, who wasn’t fond of dogs, accepted Angus, cooking him gourmet meals and cherishing his companionship.

Life threw Justin another curveball when a breakup led him back to his parents' home at 28. His dad, seeing his struggle, shared a personal story of lost love, reminding Justin to truly listen to others. This wisdom became a cornerstone in his life.

As he neared the completion of his book, Justin realized how much his dad’s love and support shaped him. He requested his story be the final chapter, a testament to his love for family. Despite his gruff exterior, he wanted the world to know he'd do anything for them.

Finally, when Justin finished the book, his dad was incredulous but proud. "To think they gave you money to do this. YOU. Amazing," he marveled, pouring Justin a bowl of Grape-Nuts. Despite the teasing, his pride was unmistakable, and Justin knew family was the unshakeable foundation beneath all his dreams.

A Father's Unfiltered Wisdom: From LA Dreams to Literary Triumph

In the summer of 1987, Justin Halpern's family embarked on a memorable road trip from San Diego to Washington state, crammed into an '82 Thunderbird. It was a journey peppered with sibling squabbles and his dad's unfiltered wisdom. 

Upon arrival at Olympia, Justin faced sharing a room with Grandpa but ingeniously faked being sick to avoid it. His dad, seeing through the ruse, brought him to Grandpa, who was equally uninterested in sharing. This was just the start of many lessons Justin learned from his father's blunt advice.

From toilet training to kindergarten, his dad's guidance was always candid and humorous. A memorable night involved his dad defending their home with a shotgun when Justin's aunt accidentally triggered the burglar alarm. Justin, often accompanying his dad to work due to his mom's law school commitments, learned about integrity when a faked science experiment with their dog was discovered. His dad insisted he confess, teaching him the value of honesty.

Growing up in a family valuing hard work, Justin learned life lessons through anecdotes like his dad's childhood earache remedy involving urine. When his mom proposed eating like the impoverished, it led to a week of unappetizing canned meals. Despite his dad's refusal to partake, he respected his mom's past hardships.

Justin's dad's stint as a Little League coach was short-lived due to clashes with entitled parents, but he continued teaching Justin and his teammate, Roger, advocating for fairness. His dad's wisdom extended beyond sports, offering blunt advice on friendships, protection, and self-worth, always wrapped in humor.

Despite disagreements, Justin's dad was his fiercest advocate, confronting unfair teachers and ensuring Justin was placed where he could succeed. His dad's advice was as genuine as it was rough, encouraging Justin to find passion in his career despite challenges.

Family reunions in Illinois showcased the contrast between Justin's dad and his warm, nurturing relatives. His dad’s bluntness, even towards a three-year-old cousin, conveyed his belief in authentic behavior regardless of age.

Living at home in his twenties wasn't unusual for Justin and his brother Evan. Their dad, worried about Evan's love life, set him up on a date, insisting on confidence despite Evan's self-doubt.

When Justin experienced odd sensations in his joints, dubbed "The Twitches," his dad chose physicians for him, challenging a new doctor's prescription. Years later, as Justin moved to LA with dreams of screenwriting, his dad offered advice with tough love but unwavering support.

Justin's career struggles were met with humor and encouragement from his dad, who celebrated even minor victories. His dog Angus found a home with his parents, despite his dad's initial reluctance. A breakup led Justin back to his parents, where his dad shared personal stories, reinforcing the importance of listening.

As Justin neared completing his book, he realized his dad’s love and support shaped him. Despite his gruff exterior, his dad’s pride was unmistakable, reminding Justin of the unshakeable foundation beneath all his dreams.

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Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern

7 Key ideas

16 MINS

4.6 (2.5k)

What happens when you mix a no-nonsense Jewish doctor, a chaotic 1,800-mile road trip, and life lessons wrapped in blunt humor?
Can tough love, colorful one-liners, and a gourmet-fed dog teach you everything about life, family, and resilience?

What happens when you mix a no-nonsense Jewish doctor, a chaotic 1,800-mile road trip, and life lessons wrapped in blunt humor?

Can tough love, colorful one-liners, and a gourmet-fed dog teach you everything about life, family, and resilience?

What happens when you mix a no-nonsense Jewish doctor, a chaotic 1,800-mile road trip, and life lessons wrapped in blunt humor?

Can tough love, colorful one-liners, and a gourmet-fed dog teach you everything about life, family, and resilience?

Improve your Career, Health & Life with 15min insights from 9000+ non-fiction books

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