Curious about the transformative power of embracing vulnerability and resilience? Wondering how confronting our internal narratives can lead to profound self-discovery and improved relationships? Intrigued by the concept of rising strong and how it can revolutionize our approach to love, leadership, and community involvement? Dive in to explore how reckoning with our stories and challenging our initial perceptions can foster personal growth and a more authentic, wholehearted life.

Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution

In 2013, a reporter informed Brené Brown that after reading her books "The Gifts of Imperfection" and "Daring Greatly," he felt inspired to work on his own vulnerability, courage, and authenticity. He jokingly mentioned it being a long road and queried about the upside. 

Brown passionately explained to him that vulnerability—showing up without guarantees—is the route to more love, belonging, and joy. When he inquired about the downside, Brown chuckled and bluntly replied, “You’re going to stumble, fall, and get your ass kicked.”

Two years later, after practicing bravery and vulnerability, Brown learned that while falling still hurts, the struggle is as rewarding as the bravery. She had spent time with remarkable people, from top entrepreneurs to loving couples, and they all had one thing in common: they recognize the power of emotion and aren't afraid to lean into discomfort. Rising strong from a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives; it's where our courage is tested and our values are forged.

Wholehearted living, to Brown, means engaging in life from a place of worthiness, believing “I am enough.” Hiding and pretending are destructive to our spirits, while daring greatly transforms our lives. People everywhere are leaning into vulnerability and uncertainty, altering their relationships and professional lives. Brown's vision of starting a global conversation about vulnerability and shame is becoming a reality.

She emphasizes that everyone will experience heartbreak, failure, and disappointment if they dare to engage fully in life. When we own our stories of struggle, we can write our own brave endings. Theodore Roosevelt’s “Man in the Arena” speech is a touchstone for Brown, highlighting that the credit belongs to those who are marred by dust and sweat and blood—those who strive valiantly.

Facedown moments can range from major life events to everyday disappointments. Being in the arena can be anything from trying a new exercise class to leading a team at work. What happens when we’re facedown? How do we rise strong? Inspired by Sherlock Holmes, Brown aimed to slow down the falling and rising processes to understand our choices and their consequences.

Working with amazing people who are not afraid to face discomfort and vulnerability has been enlightening. There’s a dangerous trend of gold-plating grit and a deficit of true badassery. Our culture prefers sanitized recovery stories, but real resilience involves tough emotions like sadness, fear, and shame. Fail Forward’s CEO Ashley Good highlights the importance of embracing difficult emotions to encourage innovation and learning.

True badasses are those who dare to be vulnerable and honest. Emotional stoicism and posturing are not badassery; facing discomfort and telling the truth are. We need leaders who demonstrate what it looks like to risk, endure failure, and rise again. Courage is contagious, and rising strong not only changes us but also those around us.

Can Embracing Vulnerability and Fear Lead to a More Fulfilling Life?

Nestled in Texas Hill Country, this sixty-five-mile-long reservoir of the Colorado River, with its rocky banks, cliffs, and turquoise waters, was Brené's summer paradise. In 2012, her husband Steve and Brené decided to share this magical place with their kids. 

They rented a house near the lake and committed to swimming across a cove every day. On their first swim, halfway across, Brené vulnerably told Steve how happy she was. His tepid response, “Yeah. Water’s good,” stung. She felt vulnerable and embarrassed.

Determined to address the disconnect, she confronted Steve in the water. What followed was a vulnerable exchange revealing Steve's anxiety, triggered by a nightmare of a boating accident involving their kids. The revelation shifted her understanding and deepened their connection. They climbed out of the water, physically and emotionally exhausted but closer than ever.

This experience transformed their marriage, teaching them the power of vulnerability and honest communication. It was a turning point, a story Brené later shared at Pixar, where she learned about the inevitability of the messy middle in any creative process—day two, the dark, uncertain phase where magic happens.

At Pixar, Brené connected their lake story to the hero’s journey, realizing that the struggle beneath the surface—their swim back—was where the real transformation occurred. This insight led her to define the Rising Strong Process: The Reckoning (recognizing emotion), The Rumble (owning our story), and The Revolution (writing a new ending). 

This process, Brené discovered, applies not only to major life challenges but also to everyday struggles, proving that even the smallest conflicts can bring wisdom and wholeheartedness into their lives.

Rising Strong: A Lake Travis Tale of Vulnerability, Transformation, and the Essence of Creativity at Pixar

The process of owning our stories involves three phases: The Reckoning, The Rumble, and The Revolution. The Reckoning starts with recognizing our emotions. Imagine your boss gives a project lead to a colleague, and you feel a wave of anger. Instead of ignoring it, acknowledge the emotion. The key is to get curious about why you feel this way. This curiosity is what will guide you through your story.

Next is The Rumble, where you confront and question the narratives you've built around your struggles. It's about digging deep into difficult topics like shame, blame, and forgiveness. This phase is crucial for gaining insights and fostering wholeheartedness.

Finally, The Revolution is about transformative change. It's not just incremental; it's a fundamental shift in how we see ourselves and the world. Integrating the lessons from the reckoning and rumble into our lives can revolutionize our approach to love, leadership, and community involvement.

One powerful tool for this journey is creativity. Steve Jobs believed creativity is merely connecting experiences. It helps us integrate our stories and make sense of them. For example, Shonda Rhimes, the creator of Grey’s Anatomy, once said she only understands her characters after seeing how they handle adversity. Our struggles define us more than our successes.

The process of rising strong is not easy. It requires us to face our emotions head-on rather than off-loading them through anger, blame, or numbness. Techniques like tactical breathing and mindfulness can help us stay present and manage our emotional responses.

In the end, the most challenging part of our stories is often what we bring to them—our fears, doubts, and insecurities. Owning our stories means facing these internal battles and choosing to bring our light to the darkness. It’s a courageous act that leads to a more authentic and wholehearted life.

Are You Ready to Embrace the 'Rising Strong' Process and Transform Your Life?

When faced with pain or frustration, our minds instantly try to make sense of it, often crafting stories driven by emotion and self-protection. These first drafts of our stories are rarely accurate but necessary to explore. They hold the key to understanding ourselves and our relationships better. Robert Burton, a neurologist, explains that our brains reward us for recognizing patterns and completing stories, even if they’re not entirely true, hence why we often stick to these initial narratives.

Our need to create stories isn’t just a personal quirk; it’s rooted in our biology. Jonathan Gottschall’s research shows that people often confabulate—creating coherent but inaccurate stories to explain their decisions and experiences. Like the shoppers who picked identical socks and then justified their choices with made-up reasons, we too create stories to make sense of our world.

But these false narratives, if left unchecked, can harm our relationships and sense of self-worth. They can lead to feelings of unlovability, questioning our divinity, and doubting our creativity. For instance, many people carry shame from past experiences that stifle their creative potential or make them feel unworthy of love. It’s crucial to reclaim the truth about our inherent worthiness and challenge these damaging stories.

Confabulations and conspiracies aren’t limited to the individual level; they reflect a broader human tendency to explain bad events with simple, often erroneous stories. Gottschall argues that we use these narratives to make sense of complex realities and to self-protect. But this can lead to a distorted view of ourselves and others, creating repetitive problems in our relationships.

The good news is that understanding and challenging these stories is a skill we can develop. It requires creativity and honesty, often starting with writing down our unfiltered thoughts. Research by James Pennebaker shows that expressive writing can significantly reduce anxiety and depressive symptoms, aiding in the healing process.

In practice, this means capturing our initial stories without filtering or polishing. It’s about acknowledging our emotions, thoughts, and bodily reactions authentically. This process of writing, or even talking through our narratives with trusted others, helps us uncover the truth and fosters personal growth.

Ultimately, the process of reckoning and rumbling with our stories leads to key learnings and wholeheartedness. It’s about embracing vulnerability, challenging our initial narratives, and being willing to explore the delta—the space between our made-up stories and the truth. This journey is not just about personal growth but is also the foundation of meaningful connections and a fulfilling life.

Rewriting Our Stories: A Journey of Self-Discovery through Reckoning with Our Emotions and Perceptions

Brené Brown agreed to speak at an event out of guilt. Despite doing a lot of pro bono work, this was different. The organizers hit her weak spot with the line, “We hope you haven’t forgotten about the people who supported you before you were so popular.” 

Brené reluctantly said yes and soon regretted it, especially when they informed her she’d be sharing a hotel room with another speaker. Sharing a room, a big no for her, felt like a step too far, but she caved to avoid being seen as high maintenance.

Her roommate turned out to be a nightmare. When Brené walked into the room, she was eating a giant cinnamon roll and wiping her sticky hands on the couch. She smoked on the patio of their non-smoking room and dismissed Brené's concerns with a laugh. Brené was beyond frustrated.

The next day, Brené was irritable and judgmental towards everyone at the airport. This was a wake-up call. She realized she needed to address her feelings, so she made an appointment with her therapist, Diana. 

Diana asked if Brené thought people are doing the best they can. Brené's initial reaction was a vehement no. But over the next few weeks, she asked 40 people the same question. The results surprised her: those who believed in people's best efforts tended to be more compassionate and less perfectionistic.

One poignant moment involved a dinner with a new friend, a staunch breastfeeder, who judged mothers who didn’t nurse for a year. Brené saw herself in her judgmental stance and felt the sting of being judged for her own choices. This led her to a revelation: it’s easier to judge than to set boundaries and ask for what we need.

Brené shared her findings with Diana and realized that the most compassionate people have the best boundaries. They assume others are doing their best but are clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not. This was a turning point for her. She learned that maintaining boundaries prevents resentment and allows for true generosity.

Assuming people are doing their best can transform how we interact with the world. It keeps us out of judgment and lets us focus on what is, rather than what should be. This journey allows us to value ourselves and set boundaries, leading to a more compassionate and fulfilling life.

Can Assuming the Best in Others Transform Your Life?

Claudia, a bright and promising designer in her early thirties, reached out to Brené Brown after attending a talk on "rising strong." She was grappling with a difficult family situation involving her sister, Amy, who struggled with alcoholism and depression. 

For their first Thanksgiving as a married couple, Claudia and her husband decided to spend the holiday with their respective families. Claudia’s trip home to Madison was emotionally charged, given Amy’s unpredictable behavior and the tension it brought to family gatherings.

Amy’s addiction had cast a long shadow over the family for years, leading to constant turmoil. Claudia and her other sister, Anna, often felt sidelined as their parents focused on Amy's struggles. The climax of the visit came when Claudia and Anna met Amy at a dilapidated, rodent-infested apartment, where they witnessed Amy’s heartbreaking deterioration. 

The encounter left Claudia overwhelmed with grief and guilt. She struggled with her feelings, wanting to escape back to her life in Chicago. Yet, a violent fistfight on the train home served as a metaphor for Claudia – a signal from the universe that conflicts and emotions must be faced, not avoided. This moment of reckoning prompted Claudia to open up to her husband about her visit and Amy’s condition, fostering a deeper level of honesty and support in their relationship.

Claudia’s story, still in process, reveals the need to rumble with expectations and disappointments, especially those tied to family dynamics. She realized that her hope for "normal" family gatherings was a stealth expectation that set her up for repeated heartache. Brené Brown emphasizes that acknowledging and addressing these expectations is crucial for healing and building resilience.

Moreover, Claudia’s journey underscores the importance of connection and communication. Her family’s tendency to avoid discussing Amy’s situation only deepened their disconnection and grief. By sharing her story, Claudia hopes to embrace her family's reality, set healthy boundaries, and work towards compassion and empathy.

Brené Brown highlights that the narrative underscores the broader struggles many face with addiction and mental health in the family, the silent grief that accompanies it, and the necessity of rumbling with forgiveness and compassion. Claudia’s brave confrontation with her feelings offers a powerful lesson: true healing and connection come from facing our pain, not running from it.

Rumbling with Expectations: Claudia's Brave Journey through Family Addiction and Healing

At one of the lectures, Father Murray Powell shared a poignant statement about the humanity of homeless people that hit Brené hard: “When you look away from a homeless person, you diminish their humanity and your own.” Despite Brené's research on connection, she realized that she often avoided eye contact with homeless people and felt a flush of shame. Her curiosity about this discomfort led to a nine-month journey of self-reflection and prayer.

This journey included several eye-opening experiences. One Saturday, as Steve and Brené were heading to have their family portrait taken for their church directory, Brené unwittingly picked up a stack of newspapers filled with human feces. The incident made her confront the indignity faced by homeless people daily. Yet, despite her efforts to volunteer more and keep supplies in her car, she still struggled with truly seeing them.

Months later, at Whole Foods, Brené witnessed a man steal food, and she felt a deep discomfort. She realized her discomfort wasn't about not helping enough but about her own privilege and fear of need. Her go-to response was to do more, but it wasn't working. The rumble continued.

A few months later, Brené's mother experienced a serious health scare. At the hospital, Brené's over-functioning tendencies kicked in, but her sisters intervened, reminding her that it was okay to let others help. This moment of vulnerability pierced Brené's armor, leading to a breakdown and breakthrough.

Brené recalled her grandmother, Me-Ma, who always welcomed and fed hobos during the Great Depression. She wasn’t afraid of need because she wasn’t afraid of needing others. This story made Brené realize that her fear of her own need made it hard for her to truly see and help others.

The reckoning came full circle when Brené saw a homeless man playing the piano at the hospital. His presence and the stories of her grandmother and her own experiences taught her that wholeheartedness involves both giving and receiving help. Acknowledging their shared humanity means embracing vulnerability and the reality that they all need each other.

Can Embracing Our Vulnerabilities Redefine the Way We View Homelessness?

Andrew was the go-to guy at his advertising agency, known for his strategic acumen and reliable word. His colleagues trusted him implicitly, and he had a reputation for balancing the creative and business sides of projects meticulously. But even the best can falter.

When the agency got a chance to pitch for a high-profile client, the excitement was palpable. Andrew, however, had reservations. The client was known for being difficult, and the team was already stretched thin. Yet, caught up in the team's enthusiasm, he pushed his doubts aside and encouraged everyone to dive in.

As they prepared their pitch, tensions flared, but the team rallied and made it to the second round. However, during a critical meeting with the client's branding team, Andrew's worst fears were realized. The client was dismissive and disrespectful. Andrew did nothing, paralyzed by the realization that he might be leading his team into a disaster.

On the flight back, the atmosphere was heavy with disappointment. Andrew couldn't shake the feeling of having failed his team. He reached out to a friend, who helped him see that his perfectionism and shame were clouding his judgment. This conversation was a turning point for Andrew.

Back at the office, Andrew called a meeting and owned up to his mistake. He admitted that he had ignored the warning signs and apologized to his team. Surprisingly, the team had made it to the final round, but Andrew proposed they withdraw. The team unanimously agreed, valuing their well-being and integrity over a potentially toxic partnership.

This decision, and Andrew's willingness to own his failure, transformed the team. Trust and respect soared, and the agency's culture grew stronger. Andrew learned that failure isn't the end but a chance to align actions with values and grow.

Turning Failure into Success: A Lesson in Leadership from Advertising Guru, Andrew

Shame feels like being trapped under a crushing weight, where the darkness and pressure make decisions seem impossible. It overwhelms our minds, leaving us with only the basic instincts to fight, flee, or freeze. Often, we respond by retreating, blaming others, lashing out, or trying to please everyone. Breaking free from shame requires self-awareness and the courage to confront those emotions, even if doing so leaves us vulnerable.

In understanding shame, we must dig into identity, labels, and stereotypes, and sometimes nostalgia. For Brené, her Texan roots, for instance, came with both pride and shame. Embracing her identity meant integrating all parts of herself, even the Texan quirks she once rejected.

Our stories of shame, fear, and identity rumble within us, but they also connect us. In life, whether dealing with work conflicts or parenting challenges, the rising strong process becomes invaluable. It’s about recognizing our emotions, getting curious, and rumbling with the stories we tell ourselves.

In organizations, this process fosters a culture of transparency and empathy. At The Daring Way, they use story rumbles to tackle issues head-on, ensuring everyone’s voice is heard and respected. This approach can prevent misunderstandings and build stronger teams.

In families, rumbling with our stories helps us connect deeply with our children. In communities, rumbling with stories about race, privilege, and identity leads to profound understanding and change. It’s about acknowledging our biases, sharing our experiences, and learning from each other.

Ultimately, the rising strong process transforms us. When it becomes a daily practice, it ignites revolutionary change. We become authors of our lives, crafting daring, wholehearted endings. We rise strong, embracing our stories, our identities, and our shared humanity.

Can Confronting Our Shame and Fear Transform Our Lives and Communities?

Vulnerability, courage, and authenticity are crucial for a fulfilling life. Although embracing these qualities can lead to setbacks and heartache, the process of rising from these falls is transformative. It cultivates wholeheartedness, tests our courage, and forges our values. Engaging fully in life means recognizing and owning our stories of struggle, which allows us to write our own brave endings.

Living wholeheartedly is about believing in our worthiness and embracing vulnerability and uncertainty. This mindset not only changes us but also has the power to inspire those around us. The journey of rising strong involves three phases: recognizing our emotions (The Reckoning), questioning our narratives (The Rumble), and transforming our perspectives (The Revolution). This process applies to both major life challenges and everyday struggles.

True resilience involves facing tough emotions and being honest about our experiences. Contrary to the culture of glorifying sanitized recovery stories, real strength lies in embracing our vulnerability and discomfort. This approach fosters deeper connections and a more authentic life.

Assuming people are doing their best can transform how we interact with the world. It allows us to focus on what is, rather than what should be, and it leads to setting boundaries, leading to a more compassionate and fulfilling life. 

Our minds often create stories driven by emotion and self-protection to make sense of pain or frustration. These stories are rarely accurate but are necessary to explore as they help in understanding ourselves and our relationships better. However, unchecked false narratives can harm our relationships and sense of self-worth. 

Ultimately, the rising strong process is about embracing our stories and emotions, leading to profound self-discovery, growth, and stronger relationships. It’s a courageous act that transforms not only ourselves but also the world around us.

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