Are you a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) struggling with overstimulation? Do you identify more as an introvert or an extrovert, and how does that impact your daily life? Have you ever explored the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the Enneagram for personality insights? Dive into this enriching narrative that explores the nuances of our personalities and how understanding them can transform our lives.

Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything

Anne Bogel's fascination with personality began one memorable family dinner during her early teens. Her mom mentioned her church group was reading a book that updated the ancient Greek and Roman idea of categorizing people by their "humors" into four modern types: popular sanguine, powerful choleric, perfect melancholy, and peaceful phlegmatic. Intrigued, Anne devoured the book, hoping to find answers to life's big questions: What should she study? Who should she marry? 

But it took years for her to realize that she was approaching personality typing all wrong. She wasn't seeing herself as she was; she was seeing what she wished she were. It was like trying to park her car in a tight garage—she'd think she was closer to the wall than she really was. 

In college, Anne dove into the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and initially identified as an INTJ—smart, analytical, and suited for a career like law, which was highly valued in her family. But she was misidentifying herself based on aspirations, not reality. 

Her real aha moment came after a fight with her husband, Will, in their first year of marriage. Frustrated by their inability to resolve conflicts, Anne turned to David Keirsey’s "Please Understand Me II." Reading about how different personality types handle conflict, she realized she wasn't an INTJ but an NF (Idealist). This explained why she was emotionally expressive while Will, an NT (Rational), remained calm during disagreements. Understanding their true types transformed their conflicts from epic battles to ordinary disagreements. 

Knowing oneself is hard, but it's worth it. Anne's journey taught her the value of accurate self-perception and the importance of facing the truth about who she is. Through this understanding, she learned to navigate relationships better and live more authentically.

Can Understanding Your True Personality Type Transform Your Relationships?

When Anne was six, her mom would introduce her to her friends with the hope that she'd respond politely. But as an introverted child, Anne struggled to find the words and felt awkward in such social settings. Her mom, an extrovert who thrived on social interactions, couldn't understand Anne's reluctance. This dynamic continued for years until they both learned about the fundamental differences between introverts and extroverts.

Introverts are often perceived as shy or antisocial, while extroverts are seen as outgoing but sometimes shallow. However, these are misconceptions. Introversion and extroversion are deeply rooted in our brain chemistry and nervous systems, shaping how individuals interact with the world. Introverts prefer quiet, minimally stimulating environments and need alone time to recharge. Extroverts, on the other hand, seek out social interactions and external stimulation to feel energized.

A key turning point in understanding these traits came with the publication of Susan Cain's book "Quiet" in 2012, which highlighted the strengths of introverts in a world dominated by extroverted norms. Research has shown that introverts and extroverts are born with their tendencies, though these can shift over time. For instance, studies indicate that caffeine boosts extroverts' performance but hinders introverts. 

Personal anecdotes illustrate these differences well. For example, Anne enjoys social gatherings but finds them draining and needs time alone to recover. In contrast, her extroverted friend leaves such events feeling energized. Similarly, an extroverted author friend of Anne's can spend hours alone writing but will eagerly socialize once her work is done.

Understanding these traits can help individuals navigate their daily lives more effectively. For instance, Anne's friend Ashley, an extrovert who homeschools her children, realized she needed more adult interaction. She made small changes like scheduling regular coffee dates and walking with a friend to meet her social needs. Conversely, Anne's introverted friend Kim, who works alone as a seamstress, finds ways to incorporate social interactions into her routine, such as working in a coffee shop.

Places can also have introverted or extroverted personalities. Anne's family once attended a large, extroverted church where social interactions were encouraged, making introverts like Anne feel uncomfortable. They later found an Episcopal church with a quieter atmosphere that suited them better.

Recognizing and respecting these differences can improve relationships. For example, during the holidays, Anne balances her need for quiet time with her family's social activities. Anne and her husband also navigate their differing needs by discussing and compromising, ensuring both of them feel understood and valued.

Understanding introversion and extroversion helps individuals appreciate their own needs and those of others. It fosters empathy and better communication, allowing them to create environments where both introverts and extroverts can thrive.

Embracing 'Quiet': Susan Cain's Revolution on Introverts vs. Extroverts

It was a Thursday in 2007 when Anne found herself screaming once again. Her friends would never imagine her angry, given her typically mellow demeanor. But as a part-time working mom with three kids, Thursdays—their designated stay-at-home days—often pushed her over the edge.

Anne loved the idea of "nowhere to be" and "nothing to do," but those mornings quickly turned chaotic. After an extra cup of coffee, she would dive into house cleaning. The clutter from three kids in a small space—papers, crayons, small toys—became overwhelming. Her tension rose as she cleaned, and asking the kids for help only added to the chaos. The noise from the kids and their barking dog would finally push her to her limit, resulting in an ugly outburst.

Anne didn’t understand it at the time, but she eventually realized the issue wasn’t her parenting skills or her dislike for cleaning. The problem was her highly sensitive nervous system. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), her nervous system was overwhelmed by the clutter and noise. HSPs, comprising 15-20% of the population, have nervous systems more receptive to stimuli, making them easily overwhelmed by their environment.

HSPs are not just introverts; they can be extroverts too. This sensitivity affects various aspects of life, from avoiding violent imagery and feeling empathy deeply to being disrupted by clutter and noise. Simple tasks like making dinner in a messy kitchen or listening to multiple conversations at once can be exhausting.

Raising highly sensitive children (HSCs) brought its own challenges. Scratchy clothes, loud noises, and daily transitions were particularly tough for them, often leaving parents baffled. Understanding high sensitivity helped Anne better manage her reactions and create a more harmonious environment.

HSP brains process information more thoroughly, making them intuitive and detail-oriented but also prone to overstimulation. Elaine Aron, in "The Highly Sensitive Child," describes this with an analogy of an orange-packing plant: HSPs have more slots for sorting information, leading to jams when overloaded.

Common triggers for HSPs include noise, clutter, certain textures, people, and consecutive tasks. Big feelings and information overload can also be overwhelming. Understanding these triggers and managing them, while not always possible, makes life more manageable for HSPs.

Recognizing herself as an HSP brought relief to Anne. She wasn’t alone, nor was she broken. Knowing her triggers and needs—like quiet, clutter-free environments, downtime, and minimal information intake—allowed her to create a more balanced life.

Parenting HSCs required additional awareness and adjustments. Avoiding overstimulating environments and understanding their unique needs helped immensely. While being an HSP has its challenges, it also brings strengths like empathy, insight, and creativity.

Embracing her sensitivity has helped Anne stop screaming on Thursday mornings, and for that, she is grateful. Understanding high sensitivity can transform chaos into calm, allowing HSPs and their families to thrive.

Could You Be a Highly Sensitive Person Like Me?

For as long as Anne has known her husband, Will, his mother has sent her greeting cards for every possible occasion. She even orchestrated card blitzes, like sending eighty cards for her mother’s eightieth birthday, which delighted her mom. 

Anne never understood the fuss over these commercial messages on paper. Often, she’d save the cards out of guilt before tossing them. But then she read Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages,” and it changed her perspective. Chapman’s book has sold over ten million copies because it offers a simple framework that transforms relationships. The five love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, giving and receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch—highlight how everyone expresses and receives love differently.

A funny misunderstanding Anne had as a teenager in Germany illustrates how easily communication can go awry. After a filling dinner, she told their server in German that she was too full for dessert. The server looked puzzled, and their friend laughed, explaining Anne had said she was too pregnant to eat more. This language mix-up was harmless, but similar misunderstandings in love can create barriers in relationships.

Chapman’s book introduced Anne to the concept of an “emotional bank account.” When someone expresses love in a way you understand, it’s a deposit. Conversely, actions that make you feel unloved are withdrawals. This metaphor became real when a friend from her church group, who seemed happily married, got divorced. She said, “He said he loved me, but I never felt it.” Her emotional bank account was empty.

Knowing your partner's love language is crucial. For example, Will and Anne both value quality time. When they first dated, they loved running errands together, and they still do. But imagine a Saturday where Anne plans to show love by doing yard work (an act of service) while Will wants to spend quality time together. Misaligned intentions can lead to hurt feelings.

Children also need to feel loved in their primary love language. Whether it’s words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch, expressing love in a way they understand is crucial for their emotional health.

Chapman believes our primary love language remains stable over time, though temporary shifts can occur due to circumstances. For instance, when Anne was busy writing, Will took over cooking and other chores as acts of service, even though they both usually prioritize quality time.

Understanding and speaking the love languages can also improve workplace relationships. For instance, appreciating a colleague in their preferred way boosts job satisfaction and productivity. Everyone wants to feel their work is valued, whether through words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch (like a handshake).

Learning the love languages is like receiving detailed directions to navigate relationships. Simple instructions like “show your love” can easily go wrong without understanding the nuances. With the right guidance, you can ensure your loved ones truly feel your affection. So, why not take all the help you can get to strengthen your connections?

How Gary Chapman's '5 Love Languages' Transformed My Relationships

A few years ago, Anne was worried about her daughter, Bronte. Born cautious, Bronte always needed advance notice for everything—dinner plans, weekend activities, even the route home from Grandma’s house. Meanwhile, Anne thrived on spontaneity and minimal planning, which made their relationship challenging. Anne feared their differences meant she was failing Bronte as a parent.

Then Anne stumbled upon David Keirsey’s book "Please Understand Me II," which categorizes personalities into four temperaments: Artisan, Guardian, Idealist, and Rational. It was an eye-opener. Bronte, it turns out, is a classic Guardian—detail-oriented, security-seeking, and routine-loving. In contrast, Anne is an Idealist, valuing harmony, spontaneity, and deep relationships. 

Keirsey’s framework helped Anne realize that Bronte’s need for structure wasn’t a flaw—it was her natural temperament. Anne learned to stop projecting her Idealist traits onto Bronte and started embracing her Guardian needs. This shift in perspective improved their relationship almost overnight.

Keirsey’s temperaments aren't a new concept. They date back to ancient times, with roots in Hippocrates’ four humors and references in literature from Plato to Shakespeare. Understanding these temperaments helps us appreciate the diversity of human behavior and reduces conflicts born from our differences.

For example, during a dinner with friends, Anne noticed a husband constantly correcting his wife’s minor factual errors—a typical Guardian behavior. This dynamic created tension, but once they understood their differing temperaments, they adjusted and improved their relationship.

The key takeaway? Embracing our differences, rather than trying to change them, fosters better relationships. Keirsey’s work teaches us that any combination of temperaments can be a good fit if we accept and support each other’s uniqueness. This understanding transforms how we interact with everyone around us, making us more empathetic and appreciative of the rich variety of human nature.

Can David Keirsey's Temperament Theory Save Your Relationships?

A few years ago, Anne and her family planned a vacation to Lake Michigan. Anne took charge of the arrangements, spending months researching and finally booking a rental just three days before leaving. When she shared this with a friend, she was labeled as spontaneous, which shocked her—Anne considered herself a planner. 

Reflecting on her past, like meticulously mapping out college courses, she realized she thrived on possibilities, not fixed plans. This epiphany helped her understand her Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) type better: she was a Perceiving type (P), not a Judging type (J).

The MBTI, developed by Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers, helps people understand their personality preferences. It originated during World War II to assist women entering the workforce in finding suitable roles. The MBTI identifies eight psychological preferences across four dichotomies: Introversion/Extraversion, Intuition/Sensing, Thinking/Feeling, and Judging/Perceiving, resulting in sixteen possible personality types.

For example, Anne is an INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving). Knowing this has helped her manage her tendencies and interactions better, like recognizing her idealistic nature can lead to unrealistic expectations in relationships. Understanding her type also highlights her strengths, such as creativity and dreaming up possibilities, while acknowledging her weaknesses, like struggling with follow-through.

The MBTI is widely used in colleges, workplaces, and even marriage counseling to promote self-awareness and improve communication. However, it’s crucial to get an accurate assessment, ideally administered by a trained professional, to avoid common pitfalls like mistyping due to misunderstood questions or personal biases.

Ultimately, the MBTI fosters empathy and understanding by revealing the diverse ways people perceive and interact with the world. Whether for personal growth, career choices, or improving relationships, it’s a valuable tool for navigating life’s complexities.

Discovering Myself: How the MBTI Transformed My Understanding of Personality

Once Anne and her friend Kim were deep into figuring out Kim's Myers-Briggs type over iced coffees, a laptop, and a yellow legal pad. Frustrated by online tests, Kim wanted a definitive answer. "Am I the entertainer or the entrepreneur?" Kim asked, unsure if she was ESTP or ESFP. The crux of the issue was Cognitive functions, the unsung heroes of the MBTI framework.

Think of cognitive functions as the unique ways brains process information and make decisions. Understanding these functions is like learning a new language—challenging at first, but incredibly rewarding. There are eight core functions divided into two categories: perceptive (how information is gathered) and judging (how decisions are made). Each MBTI type has a specific "function stack," a hierarchy of mental processes that shape personalities.

Kim's dilemma boiled down to the differences in the function stacks of ESTP and ESFP. Both types share the same dominant function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), making them action-oriented and focused on the present. But their secondary functions diverge—ESTP leans on Introverted Thinking (Ti), which excels at understanding systems and logical principles, whereas ESFP relies on Introverted Feeling (Fi), which seeks deep emotional authenticity.

Kim, an engineer with a knack for dissecting and reconstructing handbags, resonated more with the logical, system-oriented approach of Ti. This insight led her to confidently identify as an ESTP.

Understanding Anne's own stack was equally enlightening. As an INFP, her dominant function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), drives her to seek deeper meaning and emotional consistency. Her auxiliary function, Extraverted Intuition (Ne), fuels her love for exploring new ideas and seeing possibilities. Recognizing these functions in action has helped her understand her strengths, like her capacity for empathy and creativity, and her challenges, like overthinking.

Learning about cognitive functions transforms the MBTI from a mere label into a powerful tool for self-awareness and personal growth. It’s like using a label maker to organize your life—initially tedious but ultimately worth it. By sorting behaviors into the right "boxes," clarity is gained on natural talents, needs, and the areas ripe for development. The goal isn’t to confine but to help understand and leverage unique mental processes, guiding towards becoming the best self.

Are You the Entertainer or the Entrepreneur? Discover the Secret Behind Your Myers-Briggs Type!

Anne's friend’s enthusiasm for reading took her by surprise. “I’ve always enjoyed reading, but it was the StrengthsFinder that made me love it,” the friend said. Curious, Anne asked her to elaborate. Her friend discovered her top talent was Input, which thrives on absorbing new information. By selecting books that fed this talent, she transformed her reading experience into something she eagerly anticipated.

The Clifton StrengthsFinder, developed by Tom Rath and Gallup scientists in 1998, flips the script on traditional self-help methods. Instead of focusing on weaknesses, it highlights individual strengths. Published in 2001 in "Now, Discover Your Strengths" and updated in 2007 as "StrengthsFinder 2.0," the assessment identifies 34 talent themes, divided into categories like Executing, Influencing, Relationship Building, and Strategic Thinking.

These themes range from Achiever, driven to be productive, to Futuristic, inspired by future possibilities. The tool is widely used in workplaces, schools, and even marriage counseling, helping people harness their strengths in diverse settings.

Taking the StrengthsFinder assessment involves answering 177 rapid-fire questions online, which helps pinpoint one's top five talent themes. Anne's own results—Input, Ideation, Intellection, Strategic, and Futuristic—initially puzzled her but made more sense as she dug into the detailed explanations and action plans provided.

The real magic of the StrengthsFinder is in its application. It’s not just about identifying strengths but also about developing them. For instance, Anne's friend who realized her neighbor wasn’t disinterested in her but simply didn’t share her passion for intellectual discussions. Another friend, a stay-at-home mom, found peace in understanding why she needed to check off daily tasks to feel fulfilled—her Achiever theme at work.

In a world that often emphasizes fixing our flaws, the StrengthsFinder offers a refreshing perspective: build on what you’re already doing right. It’s an invitation to become more of who you truly are, making life not just productive but profoundly satisfying.

Unlocking Potential: How StrengthsFinder Revolutionizes Personal Growth

At thirty-one, Anne took a deep breath and called a counselor—an awkward, rambling call that left her feeling exposed. The receptionist's keen insight led her to Patty, who specialized in boundary issues—a term Anne hadn't even considered but came to understand deeply over the years. This marked the beginning of Anne's journey with the Enneagram, a tool that starkly contrasts with other personality frameworks by focusing on our weaknesses to foster personal and spiritual growth.

The Enneagram, with murky origins tracing back to a fourth-century Christian monk, categorizes personalities into nine types, each with unique fears, desires, and motivations. It's a powerful map for self-awareness and growth, emphasizing brokenness and core struggles. While daunting, it opens the door to profound positive change.

Each type, from the perfectionist Reformer to the harmonious Peacemaker, operates on a spectrum of emotional health. Discovering your type can be a challenging, sometimes uncomfortable process. Anne mistyped herself several times before realizing she was a Nine—a Peacemaker—during a stressful decision-making moment that highlighted her aversion to conflict and need for harmony.

Understanding her type brought clarity and relief. It explained Anne's behaviors and reactions, allowing her to focus on healthier responses instead of spiraling into self-doubt. The Enneagram isn't about locking us into behaviors but recognizing and freeing ourselves from unhealthy patterns.

For personal growth, the Enneagram offers a step-by-step process: awareness, acceptance, action, and adherence. Acceptance means embracing our whole selves—good and bad—while action involves consciously choosing healthier responses. Adherence is the ongoing practice of these steps, leading to lasting change.

Anne's journey with the Enneagram has been transformative, helping her understand and manage her tendencies. It's not about changing who we are but becoming better versions of ourselves by confronting and working through our core struggles.

Self-discovery is a lifelong process, and tools like the Enneagram can illuminate the path. Whether you're just starting or well along your journey, understanding your personality can empower you to make informed, meaningful changes and step out of the box that once confined you.

Is the Enneagram the Secret Tool to Unlocking Your True Self?

Personality typing can be a powerful tool for self-understanding and growth. It's crucial to approach personality assessments with a clear and honest view of oneself, rather than being influenced by aspirations or desires. This was the lesson learned from the journey with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). 

Understanding the fundamental differences between introverts and extroverts can significantly improve relationships and daily life. It's essential to recognize that these traits are deeply rooted in our brain chemistry and nervous systems, and not just a matter of being shy or outgoing.

Highly sensitive persons (HSP) make up 15-20% of the population and have nervous systems more receptive to stimuli, making them easily overwhelmed. Recognizing and managing these traits can bring harmony to the lives of HSPs and their families.

The concept of "love languages" can transform relationships by helping individuals understand how they express and receive love. Misunderstandings can create barriers in relationships, but recognizing each other's love language can help fill the "emotional bank account."

Keirsey’s four temperaments— Artisan, Guardian, Idealist, and Rational—offer a framework to appreciate the diversity of human behaviour and reduce conflicts. Embracing our differences, rather than trying to change them, fosters better relationships.

The MBTI framework, with its eight psychological preferences across four dichotomies, can be a valuable tool for personal growth, career choices, or improving relationships. An accurate assessment, ideally administered by a trained professional, is crucial to avoid pitfalls like mistyping.

Understanding cognitive functions, the unique ways brains process information and make decisions, can transform the MBTI from a mere label into a powerful tool for self-awareness and personal growth.

The Clifton StrengthsFinder flips the script on traditional self-help methods by focusing on individual strengths rather than weaknesses. It's not just about identifying strengths but developing them, offering a refreshing perspective in a world that often emphasizes fixing flaws.

The Enneagram, a tool focusing on our weaknesses to foster personal and spiritual growth, offers a step-by-step process for personal growth: awareness, acceptance, action, and adherence. It's not about changing who we are but becoming better versions of ourselves by confronting and working through our core struggles. 

In short, understanding your personality can empower you to make informed, meaningful changes and step out of the box that once confined you.

Home

Trending Books

News & Mags

Relax

Curated

Collections

Key Ideas & Notes

Insights

Highlights & Bookmarks

Listening History

Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything

Anne Bogel

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) struggling with overstimulation?

Do you identify more as an introvert or an extrovert, and how does that impact your daily life?

Have you ever explored the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the Enneagram for personality insights?

Dive into this enriching narrative that explores the nuances of our personalities and how understanding them can transform our lives.

Key Ideas

#1