What if the key to healing your deepest wounds lies not in resistance, but in saying “yes” to your emotions? Are you ready to uncover the gold within and embrace your true, compassionate self? Inspired by the wisdom of the Buddha and Desmond Tutu's revelations, the practice of RAIN—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture—empowers you to face fear, shame, and anger with compassion.

Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN

We often find ourselves lost in the dense forest of our lives, entangled in worry, planning, and the demands of everyday existence. It’s easy to forget who we are and what truly matters. This forgetting is like being in a trance—a state where we’re disconnected from reality and our hearts are closed off. But the good news is that we can create a clearing in this forest and reconnect with our true selves through presence and mindfulness.

Enter RAIN: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. This tool helps awaken us to mindfulness and compassion, guiding us out of emotional suffering. An inspiring story about this practice involves the author’s own experience with anxiety and her elderly mother. Caught up in a whirlwind of tasks, she paused and used the RAIN steps to address her anxiety and guilt, ultimately allowing her to be more present with her mother.

The practice of RAIN is akin to inviting the shadow god Mara, a representation of fear, anger, and delusion, to tea, as the Buddha did. Recognizing and Allowing these feelings instead of resisting them can lead to freedom. 

The journey of Roger, a quick-tempered executive, illustrates the power of RAIN. Initially, his anger controlled him, but with practice, he began to pause, breathe, and recognize his feelings. This shift allowed him to respond with empathy, transforming his interactions.

Our habitual “no” to life's challenges often traps us in suffering. By practicing “yes” through RAIN, we open ourselves up to change and connection. This shift helps us respond to life with clarity and compassion, ultimately leading us out of the trance and into presence.

Can RAIN Help You Navigate Anxiety?

When life throws us intense emotions, we often need to deepen mindfulness and self-compassion, moving through the RAIN process: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. This transformative practice, akin to having tea with Mara, helps us heal entrenched patterns. By pausing to reflect, we can face strong emotions like hurt, anger, or shame, not by dismissing them, but by acknowledging them with a “yes” to our inner experience.

Saying yes to our feelings doesn’t mean condoning harmful behavior, but rather acknowledging and understanding them. This approach, counterintuitive as it may seem, can prevent us from lashing out in anger or being trapped in self-judgment. Emotions, like storms, have an arc—they arise, peak, and pass unless we fuel them with persistent thoughts.

The journey of RAIN is beautifully illustrated by the story of the Golden Buddha. In the 1950s, monks in Bangkok discovered a solid gold Buddha beneath a clay covering, a protective layer applied centuries earlier to guard it from invaders. This allegory reveals how we, too, cover our innate goodness with protective layers, forgetting the loving awareness intrinsic to our being.

Consider Sophia, a college student heartbroken after a breakup. Overwhelmed by anxiety, she withdrew from school. With the help of RAIN, she recognized her self-critical voice, allowed her feelings, and investigated the source of her pain—a belief she was unlovable. By nurturing herself with compassion, she began to reconnect with her true self, her "future self," which guided her through tough times.

After practicing RAIN, we can rest in what’s called “After the RAIN,” where we let go and embrace the fullness of our presence, experiencing the gold beneath our protective coverings. This practice invites us to trust our inherent goodness and live from a place of compassion, connecting with our highest nature, whether we call it our future self, Buddha nature, or divine presence.

RAIN isn’t about perfection, but practice. It guides us to recognize our protective layers and gently peel them back, revealing the gold within. By embracing this process, we learn that our true nature is love and compassion, always accessible, waiting to shine through.

Unlocking Inner Gold: The RAIN Process Inspired by the Golden Buddha

Have you ever felt trapped by the belief that something is inherently wrong with you? That you're stuck in a cycle of self-judgment and negativity? This is what many call the "trance of unworthiness," a deep-seated conviction that keeps us from realizing our true potential. 

Our brains tend to cling to negative experiences and thoughts, a concept Rick Hanson describes as the brain's tendency to be Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive. This fixation often begins in childhood and is reinforced by confirmation bias, which makes us focus on information that confirms our negative self-beliefs.

But what if we could change this narrative? Writer Carlos Castaneda suggests that altering our inner dialogue can change our world. A traditional Polynesian story illustrates the cost of adhering to self-doubt: a woman who sheds her skin for renewal is forced to put it back on to comfort her frightened daughter, symbolizing how we often trap ourselves in outdated self-perceptions.

To break free, we need to challenge these limiting beliefs. Janice, a single mom, believed she was failing her family. Through meditation and a practice called RAIN—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture—she began to question the truth of her negative self-perceptions. This process helped her uncover the "real but not true" nature of her beliefs, allowing her to see herself with more compassion and less judgment.

The transformation doesn't stop with self. As Janice's perspective shifted, so did her relationship with her son, Bruce. Her newfound openness made space for Bruce to flourish, illustrating how releasing self-judgment can positively impact those around us.

The journey of shedding old skin and embracing a fuller, more compassionate self is what Mark Nepo calls "the exquisite risk." It involves stepping into the unknown, an act both dangerous and beautiful. Yet, it's through this risk that we uncover the gold within us, the essence of our true selves.

In times of shame and self-doubt, accessing a larger source of love—be it spiritual, familial, or even from nature—can be transformative. This is what Henri Nouwen discovered in Rembrandt's "Return of the Prodigal Son," and what countless others have found in their own spiritual practices.

Ultimately, the path to self-compassion and release from negative self-beliefs is a deeply personal journey. It involves recognizing our worth beyond ingrained narratives and allowing ourselves to be nurtured by the larger, loving presence that surrounds us. Through this process, we find freedom and the ability to live and love more fully.

Can You Escape the 'Trance of Unworthiness' and Unlock Your True Potential?

The question posed by the holy man, "What are you unwilling to feel?" challenges us to confront our deepest fears. Often, we resist feeling fear because it seems overwhelming, trapping us in cycles of anxiety or depression. This resistance can manifest in various forms, from chronic irritation to addictive behaviors. By avoiding fear, we disconnect from our full presence and vitality.

A story highlights this: a boy constantly chased by a monster in his dreams finally faces it, only to find it was an illusion. This mirrors our real-life fears; facing them can dissolve their power, allowing us to tap into our natural resourcefulness.

The RAIN practice—Recognizing, Allowing, Investigating, and Nurturing—provides a framework to engage with fear and other emotions constructively. Brianna, a marketing VP, used RAIN to manage her anxiety about meetings, finding that acceptance of her fear reduced its power over her.

When emotions become overwhelming, it's crucial to access a sense of safety first. Psychiatrist Daniel Siegel's "window of tolerance" model helps us understand our emotional limits. When we're outside this window, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking—shuts down, leaving us in survival mode.

Terry, whose daughter struggled with addiction, learned to hand over her fears to a larger entity, like the Divine Mother. This helped her maintain composure and strength, even when she couldn't control her daughter's path.

Ultimately, facing fear with compassion allows for a more expansive presence. Although life is unpredictable and fear is a constant companion, practices like RAIN help us cultivate a "fearless heart," capable of holding fear without being consumed by it. Through this, we can connect with our deepest longings and live more fully in the present moment, finding contentment in the "enoughness" of now.

Embrace the Fear: Unleashing Your Inner Calm with RAIN

A poignant tale from a meditation community captures the essence of forgiveness. Charlotte, a hospice patient, was burdened with unresolved resentment toward her husband. 

As she neared death, a dream prompted her to reconcile, leading to a dramatic retreat of her tumor. She found peace by expressing love and regret to her husband, illustrating that forgiveness doesn't alter the past but enriches the future. Like Charlotte, we often cling to anger and blame, fearing the vulnerability beneath. Yet, releasing these emotions liberates us, allowing for deeper connections with ourselves and others.

The story of Stefan and his father further exemplifies this. Stefan, trapped in resentment, felt empowered when he recognized his father's vulnerability. Through meditation, he shifted from blame to compassion, paving the way for healing. This transformation underscores that forgiveness is less about absolving others and more about freeing ourselves.

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It doesn't mean condoning harmful behavior or suppressing anger. Rather, it's a journey toward self-compassion and understanding. This process can be aided by practices like RAIN, which help us investigate and nurture our emotional wounds.

Moreover, seeing the goodness in others, as illustrated by Jono's parents, can profoundly impact relationships. By focusing on his strengths, they fostered an environment of trust and encouragement, allowing Jono to thrive.

These narratives highlight the power of forgiveness and compassion in transforming our lives. They remind us that by embracing vulnerability and recognizing our shared humanity, we can cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections.

Can Forgiveness Heal Our Emotional Wounds and Transform Lives?

Jarvis Masters, a prisoner and meditator, witnessed a fellow inmate about to harm a seagull at San Quentin. Instead of escalating the situation, Jarvis calmly intervened by saying, “That bird has my wings,” diffusing the tension and leaving others curious about his words. His response exemplifies our shared connection with all beings, yet we often fall into the trance of “Unreal Others,” distancing ourselves from those who seem different.

Our deep-seated biases, rooted in survival instincts, persistently create divides, fueling racism, classism, and environmental destruction. Despite this, our evolved brain holds the potential for empathy and compassion. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, for instance, shared a personal revelation of internalized bias during a turbulent flight with black pilots, highlighting how deeply ingrained these perceptions can be.

Mindfulness practices, like RAIN—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture—offer a path to undo these biases. Ruby Sales, a civil rights activist, exemplifies this approach by asking, “Where does it hurt?” to understand and heal others’ pain. Similarly, Valarie Kaur extended compassion to the man who murdered her uncle after 9/11, seeking to understand his wounds rather than hardening in anger.

Facing the racial divide, we must recognize our own biases and privileges. In a community group, the author confronted her white privilege and learned to view racial healing as a collective process. This awareness helps dismantle the “Unreal Othering” in everyday interactions, fostering genuine connection and compassion.

Compassion, unlike empathy, involves mindful presence, preventing burnout and fostering resilience. Mitch, a meditator, applied RAIN to his overwhelmed emotions while caring for his parents, transforming his empathy into compassionate action.

The story of Phil, a volunteer in Peru, illustrates true compassion. While helping an elderly man with a broken hip, the man insisted on sharing his bread with Phil, erasing the distinction between helper and helped. This mutual care reflects the interconnectedness that true healing requires.

To cultivate compassion, we must practice presence, saying yes to our experiences, turning toward love, and resting in awareness. Cheri Maples, a beloved Buddhist teacher, embodied these principles even after a debilitating accident, finding joy and connection despite her circumstances.

Ultimately, trusting in our inherent goodness and interconnectedness allows us to live with an open heart. As we sow seeds of radical compassion, we nurture a world where every being is seen, valued, and celebrated.

Radical Compassion: Lessons from Desmond Tutu, Jarvis Masters & Others

Life often feels like a dense forest where we lose ourselves amidst the chaos of daily demands and worries. It's easy to become disconnected from our true selves, as if in a trance, forgetting what truly matters. 

The concept of RAIN—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture—offers a way to break free from this emotional suffering. This practice encourages mindfulness and compassion, allowing us to face our emotions like fear, anger, and shame, not by resisting them, but by acknowledging them with acceptance. This shift from saying "no" to life's challenges to embracing them with a "yes" helps us connect with our true nature, which is inherently compassionate.

The journey of self-compassion involves shedding old beliefs and embracing the gold within us, revealing our innate goodness. It's about challenging and transforming negative self-beliefs, recognizing our worth beyond ingrained narratives, and allowing ourselves to be nurtured by a larger, loving presence. This path leads to freedom and deeper connections with ourselves and others.

Forgiveness plays a crucial role in this process, not as a way to condone harmful behavior but as a journey toward understanding and self-compassion. By releasing resentment and focusing on the goodness in others, we cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections.

Mindfulness, particularly through practices like RAIN, helps us undo biases and foster empathy and compassion. It's about recognizing our shared humanity and dismantling the "Unreal Othering" that divides us. This awareness allows for genuine connection and compassion, transforming empathy into resilient action.

Ultimately, trusting in our inherent goodness and interconnectedness allows us to live with an open heart. By embracing radical compassion, we nurture a world where every being is seen, valued, and celebrated, creating a space for healing and transformation.

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Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN

Tara Brach

7 Key ideas

17 MINS

4.8 (566)

What if the key to healing your deepest wounds lies not in resistance, but in saying “yes” to your emotions?

Are you ready to uncover the gold within and embrace your true, compassionate self?

Inspired by the wisdom of the Buddha and Desmond Tutu's revelations, the practice of RAIN—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture—empowers you to face fear, shame, and anger with compassion.

What if the key to healing your deepest wounds lies not in resistance, but in saying “yes” to your emotions?

Are you ready to uncover the gold within and embrace your true, compassionate self?

Inspired by the wisdom of the Buddha and Desmond Tutu's revelations, the practice of RAIN—Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture—empowers you to face fear, shame, and anger with compassion.

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Key Ideas

#1