Ever wondered how to break free from the societal molds and stereotypes that can hinder your professional growth? How can you effectively leverage your unique skills, emotional intelligence, and personal branding to elevate your career? How can women transition from being 'nice girls' to 'winning women'?

Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers

After the Olympics, Lois, the author, and her friend debated the competitive nature of the games. Lois' friend disliked the medal obsession, while Lois found the competition thrilling. 

This got Lois thinking about women's hesitation with competition, a sentiment she encountered again during an online Scrabble game. Lois' female opponent apologized after a winning move—something she'd never seen a man do. This reluctance to embrace competition often stems from a lack of exposure to competitive environments like sports or the military, especially for women who grew up in the 60s and 70s.

In the business world, this hesitance can be a setback. Many women view business as a dirty game, but it's just that—a game. It's about understanding rules, strategies, and the playing field. Women naturally excel in emotional intelligence (EQ), crucial for modern leadership. However, they often struggle with the unspoken rules of business. For instance, knowing when to collaborate or compete can transform a "nice girl" into a "winning woman."

A poignant example is a women's softball game where opposing players helped an injured senior complete her home run. While heartwarming, it highlights a tendency to prioritize kindness over competition. In business, though, playing to win is sometimes necessary.

Barbara, a successful marketing director, struggled when she moved industries, unable to adapt to the competitive nature of her new role. This illustrates the importance of understanding and adapting to different "games" within the business world.

The key is playing smart, not just hard. Knowing when to push boundaries, capitalizing on relationships, and understanding the needs of your constituents are vital. Successful navigation of office politics and leveraging mentors and advocates can also propel one's career.

Ultimately, it's about striking a balance—being strategic, taking calculated risks, and sometimes learning from mistakes. Women can thrive in business by embracing competition, understanding the game, and playing it skillfully.

Can Women Leverage Their Unique Skills to Outplay Men in the Business Game?

In the world of business, success hinges on knowing your role and playing it well, akin to actors on a stage. It's not about being inauthentic, but about mastering professional conduct. This is particularly crucial for women who often face stereotypes that undermine their competence. A common pitfall is the struggle to transition from a "nice girl" to a "winning woman," a term coined by Carol Frohlinger, which emphasizes achieving goals with emotional intelligence rather than seeking approval.

Take Deeana, for instance, who missed a key opportunity at a company party because she hadn't prepared to pivot a casual chat into a strategic discussion. Preparation for social interactions is vital. This preparation includes knowing your audience and being ready to steer conversations toward your objectives.

Another challenge is multitasking, a skill women are biologically inclined towards due to brain structure. However, Dr. Jeremy Hunter warns that multitasking can diminish efficiency and harm the brain over time. Focusing on one task at a time not only increases productivity but also prevents chronic stress and its negative health impacts.

Women often face unfair stereotypes, such as being perceived as unsupportive of one another. But personal experience refutes this myth, emphasizing that respect and constructive feedback are crucial in the workplace. For example, in "A League of Their Own," Tom Hanks's character points out, "There's no crying in baseball!" highlighting the need for resilience.

Then there's the issue of decision-making; women like Jennifer, who consult everyone before acting, risk being seen as indecisive. Similarly, balancing the need to be liked with the need to be respected is a delicate art. Sally Field's infamous Oscar acceptance speech exemplifies the trap of needing approval.

Financial security is another essential aspect of career success. Women often avoid discussing money or aiming for wealth, but financial independence provides freedom and choice. Liz Weston, a personal finance expert, advocates for having "F.U. money" to ensure independence and confidence in career decisions.

Lastly, being authentic is key. Women shouldn't feel pressured to act like men or be one of the guys to fit in. Instead, they should leverage their unique strengths, such as high emotional intelligence, to navigate and succeed in the workplace.

From Nice Girl to Winning Woman: Lessons from Carol Frohlinger and Beyond

Changing how you think about work is crucial to overcoming self-defeating behaviors. Many of us cling to superstitious beliefs reinforced by outdated parental messages or early career habits. Moving from thinking like an employee to thinking like a partner is essential. Employees do their jobs, while partners seek ways to improve efficiency and company success. Coaching tips include asking for skill-expanding assignments and reading industry trends.

The concept of work-life balance is a myth, especially for ambitious women. Instead, focus on work-life integration, striving for quality time in both domains. Research shows that women often sabotage themselves by striving for perfection and reluctance to ask for help. Coaching tips include reading Anne-Marie Slaughter’s “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,” and resisting multitasking.

Women often take pride in making miracles happen, but this can set unrealistic future expectations. Anita, a hardworking consultant, found herself unable to sustain her initial high performance. Instead, manage expectations and set realistic goals. When assigned a project, delegate and seek help to effectively manage it.

Viewing male authority figures as father figures can hinder career progress. Carolyn and Suzanne both projected their relationships with their fathers onto their bosses, affecting their professional interactions. Coaching tips include identifying these patterns and using self-talk to maintain a professional, equal footing.

Limiting possibilities based on societal norms or past experiences can stifle career growth. A nonprofit worker, initially content with her second-in-command role, eventually pursued and won the top job by changing her mindset. Sherry Lansing’s journey to becoming CEO of Paramount Pictures exemplifies breaking out of these limitations. Coaching tips include brainstorming options at career forks and reading biographies of successful women.

Networking is vital for long-term career success. Alexis’s strong network saved her job when her new boss considered firing her. Conversely, failing to build relationships can lead to career derailment. Coaching tips include maintaining a relationship plan and participating in professional associations.

Accepting perks and not making up negative stories are also important. Toni and Nancy missed out on office perks due to reluctance or oversight, impacting their professional image. Striving for perfection, like Julia, can waste time and hinder career progress. Coaching tips include reducing work hours and seeking feedback.

Lastly, consider entrepreneurial ventures if dissatisfied with corporate life. Women have been starting businesses at higher rates than men for decades. Mary Kay Ash’s success story is a testament to the potential of women-led enterprises. Coaching tips include reading biographies of female entrepreneurs and joining supportive networks like Ladies Who Launch. 

Ultimately, overcoming these common mistakes and adopting new thought patterns can lead to a more fulfilling and successful career.

Are You Ready to Transform Your Career Like Sherry Lansing?

Think about big brands like Kleenex, Coke, and Google. These brands have become household names due to consistent quality and effective marketing. Dr. Bruce Heller emphasizes thinking of yourself as a brand. Highlight what makes you unique and market it. One of his favorite phrases is “outta sight, outta mind, outta business.” Women often work quietly, resulting in being overlooked for promotions. Define your brand, recognize its value, and create a marketing plan.

For example, during an interview with a woman for a coaching team, she failed to clearly define her specialty, leading to her not being selected. Peter Montoya, a personal branding expert, says a personal brand should promise performance and communicate values, personality, and abilities.

Consider your day-to-day work satisfaction to identify your strengths. Translate these into key strengths at your workplace and practice articulating them fluently. Distinguish how these strengths set you apart.

Your elevator speech should be impactful. Debra, an executive in minority recruitment, impressed someone at a fundraising event with her passionate introduction, leading to a job offer. In contrast, many women provide bland self-introductions. Your introduction should be factual, emphasize unique skills, and show how you impact the company.

Avoid minimizing your work or position. Every job is crucial to an organization's operation. Take pride in what you do and describe it proudly. Highlight your consultative skills, which are valuable and marketable.

Using only your nickname or first name can diminish your professional presence. Always use your full name to be taken seriously. Also, don’t wait to be noticed. Be proactive about expressing interest in promotions and assignments.

Refusing high-profile assignments is a mistake. Sandra turned down a request to join her company's executive committee, missing an opportunity for recognition. Accepting such opportunities showcases your capabilities.

Sitting at the table, literally and figuratively, is crucial. Don’t give up seats near powerful people. Women often take seats on the periphery, missing chances to be heard.

Being modest can hold you back. When you achieve something significant, acknowledge it. Display awards and recognitions proudly.

Use social media effectively. Avoid inappropriate content and maintain consistent branding across platforms. Engage positively and share valuable information.

Rebranding yourself is important when transitioning roles or industries. Assess your current satisfaction and consider reinventing yourself if needed. Small changes can lead to bigger transformations.

Lastly, think about your legacy. Your career choice and the brand you establish are part of your legacy. Mentor others, take risks, and create new systems or processes to leave a lasting impact.

Branding Yourself Like Google: Dr. Bruce Heller’s Guide to Career Success

In the realm of communication, the art of persuasion is often lost not in the ideas themselves but in how they are conveyed. Imagine having a brilliant concept but lacking the confidence to express it effectively. Words have power, not just in their content but in their delivery. The tone, volume, and even body language play crucial roles in shaping perception and credibility. This is why mastering the nuances of communication is essential.

Many women, in an effort to avoid being perceived as assertive, often couch statements as questions, diminishing the strength of their ideas. Consider the difference between asking, "Do you think we should...?" versus stating, "I propose we should...". The latter exudes confidence and ownership, leaving little room for doubt. Similarly, preambles—those lengthy introductions—can diffuse the clarity of a message, making it less impactful.

The tendency to over-explain or apologize unnecessarily can undermine authority. It's important to make statements concise and to the point, saving apologies for moments that truly warrant them. When faced with direct questions, responding decisively rather than with equivocation is key.

Another pitfall is speaking too quickly or softly, which can convey uncertainty or a lack of entitlement to occupy space and time. Practicing a measured pace and using one's natural pitch can enhance the authority of a message. Additionally, adapting communication styles to fit the listener's preferences can increase the effectiveness of the interaction.

The journey to effective communication involves shedding habits that weaken one's position. It requires speaking with conviction, using language that demonstrates confidence, and avoiding the pitfalls of minimizing achievements or sounding ambivalent. By embracing these strategies, one can transform the way they are perceived, ensuring that their ideas resonate and command respect.

Are You Sabotaging Your Own Ideas with Ineffective Communication?

Navigating the intricate world of workplace dynamics requires more than just competence; it demands a keen awareness of how one is perceived by colleagues and superiors. Often, subtle behaviors and choices can impact perceptions of professionalism and competence. From the way one presents themselves to the gestures they use, each element contributes to the overall impression made in professional settings.

The myth that the most competent individuals naturally rise through the ranks is dispelled by the reality that appearances and demeanor play crucial roles. Competence may open doors, but it's how you carry yourself that can propel your career forward. For instance, visible tattoos and body piercings, while trendy, might negatively affect job prospects or professional advancement, as perception often outweighs personal expression in the corporate realm.

Facial expressions, such as smiling inappropriately, can inadvertently undermine one's authority. Women, socialized to smile more than men, might find themselves less taken seriously if smiles appear incongruous with their message. Similarly, taking up too little space physically, whether in meetings or presentations, can signal a lack of confidence or assertiveness, while gestures should be deliberate and in harmony with one's spoken message to avoid coming across as overly emotional or detached.

Balancing animation in communication is essential—being overly animated can distract and diminish perceived confidence, while under-animation may convey disengagement or boredom. Even the tilt of one's head can impact how messages are received—sometimes softening them unnecessarily.

Appearance extends beyond behavior to include attire, makeup, and hairstyle. Dressing appropriately for the workplace and ensuring makeup is neither too heavy nor too sparse are vital in crafting a professional image. Hair, often overlooked, plays a significant role; overly long styles may detract from professional presence.

Sitting postures, such as the tendency to tuck a foot under oneself, can appear juvenile rather than professional. Public grooming, too, diminishes credibility, as does avoiding eye contact, which can signal uncertainty or discomfort. Accessories, while a means to personalize attire, should be chosen carefully to enhance rather than overshadow one's professional message.

Ultimately, the path to success and recognition in the workplace is paved not just with skill and knowledge but with a conscious effort to align one's external presentation with the desired professional persona. By honing these aspects, individuals can more effectively navigate their careers, ensuring that they are seen as capable, credible, and poised for advancement.

Mastering Workplace Perception: Elevate Your Professional Persona

Let's explore how our responses to others' behavior can impact our credibility and careers. Often, these responses are automatic, influenced by past experiences, and need reevaluation. 

For instance, women are often socialized to respond passively to inappropriate treatment. This reaction isn't uncommon as many women are taught to be polite rather than to defend themselves, a mindset that can be unlearned to live more empowered lives.

Another mistake is airing grievances on social media, as exemplified by Dawnmarie Souza, who was fired for derogatory comments about her boss on Facebook. This incident highlights the importance of addressing issues directly with the person involved rather than online, where it can backfire.

Inconsistent responses, like holding in emotions until they explode, can create mistrust. A woman breaking dishes as a first step towards mental health shows the need to express feelings regularly rather than letting them build up.

Holding grudges can damage relationships and careers. Two women in a company couldn't stand each other, affecting their boss and the workplace. Focusing on future needs rather than past grievances can help resolve such conflicts.

Childhood messages often shape our strengths and weaknesses. Claudia, who grew up in an alcoholic home, became hyper-responsible, a trait that initially served her well but later hindered her career. Recognizing and balancing these learned behaviors can be crucial.

Women often underestimate their knowledge, as shown by Betty, a consultant who doubted her expertise when a client insisted on a less suitable team-building approach, resulting in failure. Trusting one's expertise is vital.

Tasks like taking notes or making coffee can reinforce stereotypes. Women should assertively decline such tasks to avoid being pigeonholed.

Tolerating inappropriate behavior, like Ebonisha's delayed office computer, shows the need for assertive communication. An edited note demanding action illustrates effective self-advocacy.

Patience is often misconstrued. Kyoko's story of waiting for a promotion that never came stresses the need to advocate for oneself.

Accepting dead-end assignments without research can derail careers. A young woman transferred to a struggling division found herself in a dead-end job after it was sold.

Putting others' needs first can lead to unmet personal goals. Women should regularly assess their needs and negotiate for them.

Denying one's power, as Juanita did in her law firm, can lead to depression. Recognizing and redefining personal power is crucial for career advancement.

Being scapegoated, like Eva in HR, can be avoided by diplomatically clarifying misunderstandings. Direct communication can prevent future occurrences.

Accepting fait accompli, such as office space decisions, without challenge can limit opportunities. Assertive negotiation can change outcomes.

Permitting others' mistakes to inconvenience you, as Maria experienced, requires setting clear expectations to prevent recurrence.

Lastly, women often wait to speak in meetings, missing opportunities. Speaking early and often enhances credibility and leadership potential.

These anecdotes and coaching tips encourage women to respond assertively, trust their expertise, and advocate for themselves to avoid common career pitfalls.

Are You Sabotaging Your Career or Empowering Yourself?

Competition can be both thrilling and daunting, particularly for women who may have had less exposure to competitive environments. In business, understanding the "game" of competition, balancing collaboration with assertiveness, and navigating office politics are crucial for success. 

Women naturally excel in emotional intelligence, which is invaluable in leadership, yet they often struggle with unspoken business rules. Transitioning from being a "nice girl" to a "winning woman" involves embracing competition strategically and developing a professional persona while remaining authentic.

Communication and personal branding are critical in establishing oneself in the professional realm. Presenting oneself with confidence and authority can influence career advancement more than competence alone. Women are encouraged to refine their communication styles, assert their capabilities, and leverage their natural strengths in emotional intelligence. Networking and mentorship play pivotal roles in career progress, and women should not shy away from discussing financial aspirations.

Additionally, overcoming self-imposed limitations and societal stereotypes is vital. Women should aim for work-life integration rather than balance, and embrace opportunities for growth, whether in corporate settings or entrepreneurial pursuits. Recognizing one’s value, preparing for strategic interactions, and maintaining a strong professional presence are key to thriving in business.

By reevaluating automatic responses to others’ behaviors and actively advocating for themselves, women can enhance their professional credibility. It’s essential to address workplace interactions assertively, trust one's expertise, and not shy away from speaking up. Ultimately, embracing these strategies can lead to a fulfilling and successful career.

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Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers

Lois P. Frankel

8 Key ideas

21 MINS

4.4 (1.8k)

Ever wondered how to break free from the societal molds and stereotypes that can hinder your professional growth?

How can you effectively leverage your unique skills, emotional intelligence, and personal branding to elevate your career?

How can women transition from being 'nice girls' to 'winning women'?