Ever wondered how givers can avoid exhaustion while still contributing to others' growth? How can 'otherish' generosity lead to professional resilience and success? How do altruistic platforms like Freecycle inspire a giving culture? Dive into the fascinating dynamics of giving and taking, and learn how balancing self-interest with generosity can revolutionize professional relationships and lead to lasting influence.

Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success

On a bright Saturday afternoon in Silicon Valley, two proud fathers, Danny Shader and David Hornik, found themselves chatting on the sidelines of a soccer field, each watching their daughters play. Shader, an intense serial entrepreneur, had a history of successful startups, while Hornik, a venture capitalist with eclectic interests, had spent a decade deciding which innovative companies to fund.

Shader, intrigued by Hornik’s background, pitched his new business idea to him. Hornik loved it and quickly offered to invest. But unlike most venture capitalists, Hornik didn’t pressure Shader with a deadline; instead, he encouraged Shader to explore other offers, putting Shader’s best interests first.

Shader eventually chose another investor, fearing Hornik's affable nature wouldn't challenge him enough. This decision left Hornik questioning his generous approach. Yet, Hornik’s story didn’t end there. Despite being turned down, Hornik’s reputation for integrity and supportiveness led Shader to eventually invite him back into the fold. Hornik’s advice proved invaluable, and Shader’s startup, PayNearMe, flourished.

Hornik’s giving nature turned out to be a strength. His willingness to prioritize others’ needs built strong relationships and trust, which paid off in the long run. Entrepreneurs began to seek Hornik out, and his investment success rate soared.

This narrative challenges the notion that nice guys finish last. While givers like Hornik may face initial setbacks, their approach often leads to greater long-term success. Givers create value that extends beyond themselves, fostering environments where everyone can thrive.

Hornik's story exemplifies the principles of giving and taking in professional settings. Research by Wharton professor Adam Grant explores these dynamics, identifying three types of people: takers, givers, and matchers. Takers prioritize their own interests, matchers seek fairness, and givers focus on helping others without expecting returns. While givers often end up at the bottom of the success ladder, they also dominate the top, as seen in studies across engineering, medical school, and sales.

In essence, success isn’t just about ability and opportunity; it’s also about how we interact with others. Those who give without expecting immediate returns can find themselves at the top of the ladder, proving that generosity and ambition can indeed go hand in hand.

Can Being Nice in the Cutthroat World of Venture Capitalism Lead to Greater Success?

Several decades ago, a man named Kenneth Lay rose from humble beginnings to become the chairman and CEO of Enron, a company valued at $110 billion. Despite his charitable contributions and public service, Lay's legacy was marred by scandal. 

Enron's collapse in 2001 exposed fraudulent practices, leaving thousands jobless and Lay convicted of conspiracy and fraud. Lay's success was largely built on a network of influential contacts, demonstrating how takers—those who use connections for personal gain—can initially thrive, but often at great cost to others.

In contrast, Adam Rifkin, a software engineer known as the "giant panda of programming," exemplifies the power of giving. Rifkin’s approach to networking is governed by the "five-minute favor" rule: doing something that takes five minutes or less to help someone else. His extensive and influential network includes founders of major tech companies like Facebook and Twitter. Rifkin's selfless contributions have earned him the title of Fortune's best networker in the United States.

Rifkin's network is built on genuine generosity. He founded 106 Miles, a network of over five thousand entrepreneurs who help each other succeed. This giver mentality creates a culture where adding value, rather than expecting immediate returns, fosters long-term success. Research supports this, showing that giving can be contagious and that networks based on altruism can lead to greater collective benefits.

Moreover, reconnecting with dormant ties—people we once knew well but have lost touch with—can be incredibly valuable. Studies reveal that these reactivated connections often provide fresh perspectives and novel information. Givers like Rifkin, who maintain trust and goodwill, find it easier to reestablish these ties, leading to mutual benefits.

The stories of Lay and Rifkin highlight the contrasting outcomes of takers and givers. While takers may achieve short-term success through manipulation and self-promotion, givers build lasting networks that generate enduring value. As Rifkin’s journey shows, generosity not only enhances personal success but also creates a ripple effect, inspiring others to give and fostering a supportive community.

From Enron's Scandal to Tech's Top Networker: Contrasting Tales of Kenneth Lay and Adam Rifkin

You may not know George Meyer's name, but you've surely encountered his work. This comedic genius has left an indelible mark on popular culture, especially with his contributions to "The Simpsons," the longest-running sitcom and animated program in the U.S. He's a seven-time Emmy winner and the creator of words that have entered everyday language. Yet, his path to success was anything but smooth.

Meyer attended Harvard, where he was nearly expelled twice but found a bright spot as president of the Harvard Lampoon. Despite facing an attempted coup from his peers, he emerged as a resilient leader. After college, he hit rock bottom, gambling away his money at a dog track. 

However, his fortunes changed when he sent writing samples to "Late Night with David Letterman," impressing Letterman with his unique humor. This led to stints at "Saturday Night Live" and eventually "The Simpsons," where he became a driving force behind the show's success.

But what sets Meyer apart isn't just his talent; it's his collaborative spirit. His story unfolds a fascinating dynamic between givers and takers. While takers often push their ideas aggressively, Meyer exemplifies the generosity of a giver. He dedicated himself to rewriting and refining scripts, often forgoing credit. This selflessness earned him immense respect and credibility among his peers.

Meyer's collaborative ethos began with Army Man, a humor magazine he self-published and shared freely with friends. This generosity attracted a cult following and eventually led to his recruitment by "The Simpsons." In the writers' room, Meyer was known for his integrity and supportiveness, helping others polish their work and encouraging a culture of high standards. His approach contrasts sharply with figures like Frank Lloyd Wright, who, despite his genius, faltered during periods of isolation due to his taker tendencies.

Studies on creativity and teamwork reveal that givers like Meyer foster environments where ideas flourish. In fields as diverse as architecture, surgery, and financial analysis, success often hinges on effective collaboration. For instance, cardiac surgeons improve patient outcomes when they work consistently with the same team, and star analysts maintain their performance only when they move with their colleagues.

Meyer's humility and willingness to share credit stand in contrast to those who hoard recognition. For example, Jonas Salk, who developed the polio vaccine, failed to acknowledge his team's contributions, resulting in strained relationships and diminished acclaim. In contrast, Meyer’s approach of giving credit and fostering psychological safety enabled him to excel and elevate those around him.

George Meyer: The Unsung Hero Behind 'The Simpsons' - A Giver or a Taker?

When President Barack Obama named his favorite app as "iReggie," he wasn't referring to software but to Reggie Love, his personal assistant. Love was a star athlete but failed in his NFL tryouts. Shifting gears, he took a Capitol Hill internship, eventually becoming indispensable to Obama. Love's story of transformation illustrates the profound impact of recognizing and nurturing potential.

Similarly, Beth Traynham, a mother of three with a weak math background, aced the CPA exam against all odds, thanks to the encouragement of her professor, C.J. Skender. Skender's extraordinary ability to spot talent, even when hidden, has shaped many lives. He teaches at both Duke and UNC, winning countless teaching awards and mentoring students who consistently excel in their fields.

Psychologist Dov Eden's research on the Israeli Defense Forces showed that believing in someone's potential can significantly enhance their performance. This aligns with the classic study by Harvard psychologist Robert Rosenthal, which found that students labeled as "bloomers" by their teachers—regardless of their actual initial abilities—showed remarkable intellectual gains.

Givers, like Skender, excel because they see the hidden potential in everyone. They don't wait for signs of talent but invest in people's growth, often leading to self-fulfilling prophecies. This approach contrasts with the typical corporate model that only develops identified high-potential individuals.

Studies reveal that motivation often precedes talent. World-class musicians and athletes frequently start with teachers who make learning enjoyable, fostering a love for the subject that drives their exceptional practice and development.

In professional sports, the ability to recognize potential is crucial. Stu Inman, a noted NBA talent scout, found success by looking beyond obvious physical talents to the inner attributes of players. Despite a few high-profile draft mistakes, Inman's approach of valuing character and grit over immediate skill led to the assembly of championship teams.

While givers invest heavily in developing potential, they are also adept at recognizing when to cut their losses. Research shows that givers are less likely to fall into the trap of escalating commitment to failing investments due to their focus on overall benefit rather than personal ego.

Givers, by their nature, are uniquely equipped to bring out the best in others, proving that with the right encouragement, anyone can become a diamond in the rough.

Unearthing Hidden Gems: The Power of Recognizing and Nurturing Potential

Dave Walton, an accomplished lawyer specializing in trade secrets, found himself facing his first high-stakes jury trial in 2008. Representing a Pennsylvania castor oil distributor, Dave meticulously prepared his case against Jayant Oils and Derivatives, which had allegedly stolen trade secrets. Despite his preparation, Dave faced a formidable opponent, an experienced and highly decorated lawyer who argued that Jayant's actions were legitimate competition.

During the trial, Dave's stammering surfaced—a remnant of his lifelong struggle with stuttering. This vulnerability, however, unexpectedly endeared him to the jury. They admired his courage and sincerity, which helped him secure a $7 million verdict, the largest trade-secret victory in Pennsylvania at the time. Dave’s stutter, once seen as a weakness, turned into a powerful tool in building trust and credibility with the jury.

Research reveals that there are two fundamental paths to influence: dominance and prestige. Dominance is about asserting power and authority, often through forceful communication. Prestige, on the other hand, involves earning respect and admiration by showing vulnerability and seeking advice. While dominance might provide immediate authority, prestige tends to offer lasting influence.

This was evident in Dave's case, where his stutter—an element of powerless communication—helped build a genuine connection with the jury. Expressing vulnerability, asking questions, and seeking advice are key aspects of this communication style, which is naturally adopted by givers. Givers prioritize helping others, making them more open to expressing doubt and seeking input, which in turn builds trust and rapport.

In various fields, from sales to leadership, powerless communication has proven effective. For instance, Bill Grumbles, a top HBO salesperson, excelled by asking customers questions and showing genuine interest in their needs, leading to higher sales. Similarly, in negotiations, seeking advice rather than asserting dominance fosters cooperation and positive outcomes. 

Even in leadership, where dominance is often expected, powerless communication can be beneficial. Speaking tentatively and using inclusive language fosters team loyalty and productivity. 

Powerless communication, characterized by asking questions, expressing vulnerability, and seeking advice, can be more powerful and effective than traditional assertive approaches. This style, rooted in genuine interest and sincerity, is a key factor behind the success of many givers, helping them build lasting influence and strong connections.

Can Vulnerability and Powerless Communication be the Secret to Lasting Influence and Success?

Ever wondered why some people give endlessly without burning out while others quickly exhaust themselves? Nobel laureate Herbert Simon once said, “The intelligent altruists… will be fitter than both unintelligent altruists and selfish individuals.” Successful givers, it turns out, are those who balance self-interest and generosity. They’re not just selfless; they’re "otherish," blending ambition with altruism.

Canadian psychologists Jeremy Frimer and Larry Walker studied winners of the Caring Canadian Award, individuals who had dedicated their lives to humanitarian causes. Surprisingly, these givers scored high in both self-interest and other-interest, unlike those who only chased personal goals. This dual motivation—helping others while also seeking personal success—differentiates thriving givers from those who burn out.

Consider Conrey Callahan, a Teach For America teacher at Overbrook High School, a challenging environment in West Philadelphia. Despite the high stress, Conrey's burnout faded when she began mentoring other teachers and founding a nonprofit program, Minds Matter. By diversifying her giving, she found renewed energy and purpose, highlighting that giving more strategically can actually prevent burnout.

Research reveals that seeing the impact of one’s work is crucial. Call center employees who met the scholarship recipients they were fundraising for saw a dramatic increase in motivation and performance. Similarly, radiologists who saw photos of their patients made more accurate diagnoses.

Organizations are also catching on to this concept and are finding ways to make the impact of employees' work more visible. Wells Fargo shows employees videos of customers benefitting from low-interest loans, and Medtronic connects employees with patients who’ve benefited from their medical technologies. These connections invigorate employees, showing that understanding the human impact of their work can be a powerful antidote to burnout.

Givers are not immune to stress, but those who blend personal and others' interests—otherish givers—build stronger psychological resilience. They avoid burnout by maintaining a support network and strategically managing their giving. They give in ways that are meaningful and energizing, not out of mere obligation.

So, the secret to sustained giving isn’t just about more effort; it’s about smart, impactful, and balanced giving. By being “otherish,” balancing self-care with helping others, givers can avoid burnout and thrive, making a lasting difference in their own lives and the lives of others.

Thriving Not Burning Out: The Art of 'Otherish' Giving and the Secret to Sustainable Altruism

Lillian Bauer was a star manager at an elite consulting firm, known for her talent and generosity. Recruited from Harvard and later returning after her MBA, she was on a fast track to becoming a partner. However, her generosity became her downfall. She was delayed in her promotion because she couldn't say no to clients and colleagues, spending countless hours mentoring and helping others, which compromised her productivity.

Despite her brilliance and dedication, Bauer was criticized for lacking the assertiveness expected of a partner. She was too giving, not pushing back on clients when necessary, which hampered her progress. This pattern was not unique to Bauer. A study of over 3,600 consultants revealed that givers earned lower salaries, advanced more slowly, and were less likely to be promoted compared to takers and matchers.

In contrast, Jason Geller at Deloitte used his giving nature to skyrocket his career. He created a knowledge management system, the "J-Net," and mentored new hires, quickly rising to partner in just nine years. Geller’s success was due to his strategic approach to giving; he helped others while also managing his own reputation and productivity.

Bauer, on the other hand, learned the hard way. She needed to become more strategic in her generosity. She began to screen for sincerity, distinguishing genuine givers from takers. She also adopted a "generous tit for tat" approach, starting with trust but adjusting her strategy based on others' behavior.

Bauer's transformation involved advocating not just for herself but for her team. She used relational accounts to push back against unreasonable client demands, explaining how these requests would affect her team. This approach allowed her to maintain her giving nature while setting necessary boundaries.

Like Bauer, many givers struggle with assertiveness, fearing it will harm their relationships or violate social norms. However, research shows that givers can be effective negotiators when they advocate for others. This strategy helped Bauer and others like her to push back without feeling like takers.

Ultimately, Bauer’s journey from a doormat to a successful giver involved learning to protect her time and energy, investing in those who reciprocated, and leveraging her natural strengths in advocacy. Her story illustrates that the key to successful giving lies in flexibility and strategic reciprocity, ensuring that generosity doesn't come at the expense of one's own success.

Can Being Too Generous Sabotage Your Career Success?

In 1993, Craig Newmark, a former IBM employee, moved to San Francisco and started an email list to share local events with friends. This list quickly expanded beyond events to job openings and items for sale, leading to the creation of Craigslist in 1996. By 2011, Craigslist had become one of the top ten most popular websites in the U.S., appealing to people's natural inclination to trade value fairly.

Inspired by Craigslist, Deron Beal launched Freecycle in 2003, an online community where everything had to be given away for free. Initially, people were skeptical, posting items like partially used hair dye or fishing tackle with strings attached. However, the community grew rapidly, reaching a million members by 2005. Researchers found that Freecycle encouraged even those who joined to take advantage to start giving, thanks to a strong sense of community and mutual benefit.

The success of Freecycle can be attributed to a phenomenon known as "generalized reciprocity," where giving to one person leads to receiving from another, creating a cycle of generosity. This contrasts with direct exchanges like those on Craigslist. Freecycle's model appealed to people's empathy and desire for community, motivating even takers to give.

Psychologists have long debated whether giving can be purely altruistic. C. Daniel Batson argues that empathy drives selfless giving, while Robert Cialdini believes that helping others ultimately reduces our own distress. Despite their differences, both agree that empathy leads to helping.

Freecycle's success also highlights the power of a common identity and optimal distinctiveness—being part of a unique yet inclusive group. This sense of community fosters a giving culture, as seen in experiments where people are more likely to help those with whom they share uncommon commonalities, like a rare type of fingerprint.

Implementing these principles in other settings, such as the Reciprocity Ring exercise at Wharton, where students and professionals make and fulfill each other's requests, shows that creating opportunities for public giving can bring out the giver in everyone, even those who initially seem like takers. By fostering a culture of generosity and making giving visible, both individuals and organizations can thrive through mutual support and collaboration.

From Craigslist to Freecycle: Harnessing the Power of Generosity and Community in Online Exchange Platforms

Years ago, Derek Sorenson was a fearsome competitor in the sports world, known for his ruthless negotiation tactics. After his athletic career ended due to injury, he transitioned into a prominent role as a contract negotiator, rapidly rising in his career. His sharp, aggressive style initially brought him success, but it also earned him a notorious reputation as the "Most Ruthless" negotiator, even among peers who had never met him.

This reputation began to weigh on Derek. One pivotal moment came when he lowballed a minor league player's contract, only to feel uneasy about the agent's frustration. Realizing he might be causing long-term damage to his relationships, Derek tore up the contract and met the agent’s original request. This act of generosity built goodwill, leading the agent to call him first when the player became a free agent.

Derek’s shift from a taker to a giver wasn’t about new values; it was about expressing long-held values in a new way. Growing up, Derek had always been seen as generous and team-oriented. His transformation was about confidence in applying those values to his professional life. Today, Derek attributes his success in building a championship-winning team to this shift.

Derek's story is echoed by others who found success through giving. Financial adviser Peter Audet gained a major client by helping a seemingly poor scrap metal worker who turned out to be wealthy. He continued to assist by connecting clients with job opportunities, ultimately benefiting his firm. Sherryann Plesse, a financial services executive, initially hid her compassionate nature but later embraced it, leading to personal and professional success.

These stories illustrate that givers can rise to the top across various fields. From venture capitalists like David Hornik, who helps entrepreneurs refine their pitches, to comedy writers like George Meyer, who boosts his collaborators' careers, givers succeed by expanding the pie for everyone. Even in competitive environments, giving can create lasting relationships and success.

The idea is to redefine success not just as personal achievement but as making a positive impact on others. Organizations can foster this by recognizing and rewarding contributions to others, encouraging job crafting, and promoting peer recognition programs. Initiatives like the Love Machine at Linden Lab and peer recognition programs at companies like Google and Zappos highlight how acknowledging and rewarding giving can benefit organizations.

Ultimately, by shifting slightly toward giving, we can find greater success, richer meaning, and lasting impact in our professional lives.

Can Embracing Generosity Transform Your Professional Success?

Reflecting on various professional settings, it's clear that the dynamics of giving and taking significantly influence success. Givers, who focus on helping others without expecting returns, often find themselves at both ends of the success spectrum. 

While takers may experience short-term gains, their self-serving behavior can lead to negative long-term consequences. Conversely, genuine givers build strong, lasting networks and foster environments where ideas and collaboration thrive, often leading to greater success and fulfillment.

In professional relationships, balancing self-interest with generosity—being "otherish"—is crucial for sustained giving without burnout. Successful givers strategically manage their generosity, ensuring they protect their own interests while contributing to others'. This approach not only prevents exhaustion but also strengthens their psychological resilience.

Recognizing and nurturing potential in others can lead to profound impacts. Givers excel in this area by investing in people's growth, creating environments where hidden talents can flourish. This contrasts with a typical corporate focus on identified high-potential individuals, emphasizing the importance of fostering motivation and grit.

In leadership and negotiations, adopting a communication style that expresses vulnerability and seeks advice—known as powerless communication—can be more effective than dominant approaches. This builds trust and rapport, proving particularly beneficial in collaborative settings.

The success of platforms like Freecycle illustrates how creating a culture of giving can transform communities. Encouraging visible small acts of generosity can motivate even takers to contribute, fostering a supportive environment.

Ultimately, redefining success to include making a positive impact on others can lead to richer, more meaningful professional lives. By slightly shifting towards a giving mindset, individuals and organizations can achieve lasting influence and success.

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