Do you feel the constant pressure to be perfect, just like Erica, a successful political consultant who's still haunted by her teenage perfectionism? Have you ever wondered what fuels this relentless pursuit of perfection in women and how it creates a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt? Want to know how the #MeToo movement redefined bravery and how everyday acts of courage can help you claim your voice? Dive in to explore how embracing bravery over perfection can empower you to make a difference.

Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More, and Live Bolder

Meet Erica, a vibrant sixteen-year-old with a beaming smile and a perfect life. She's a class leader, a stellar student, and the sweetest friend. Yet, her journal tells a different story—a tale of a girl overwhelmed by the pressure to be perfect. 

Erica's life is a swirl of endless obligations, from volunteering at the hospital she despises to maintaining her grades to please her parents. Her fear of failure is so intense that it once made her physically ill over a simple scheduling mishap. Fast forward to today, Erica is a successful political consultant, yet still trapped by the same perfectionism that haunted her teenage years. She confided a list of dreams she’s too afraid to pursue, like moving out of the city or having a child on her own.

Erica's story is a familiar one, echoing the experiences of countless women who feel pressured to be perfect in every role they take on. From childhood, girls are bombarded with societal messages to be nice, polite, and flawless. These expectations stifle their bravery and reinforce the notion that failure is unacceptable. The impact of this mindset becomes evident in various aspects of life, from academics to social interactions. Many women, like Erica, struggle with a relentless inner critic that questions their worth and abilities.

Studies show this pattern starts young. Girls begin to fear failure around age eight, coinciding with the arrival of their inner critic. This critic convinces them they must excel in everything or risk being labeled a failure. As they grow, this fear morphs into a desire to please everyone, often at the expense of their own happiness and aspirations.

Perfectionism is further fueled by societal norms and media portrayals, which glorify flawless images and accomplishments. Social media exacerbates this, with its curated perfection pressuring women to uphold an unrealistic standard of beauty and success. The result is a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt, where the fear of imperfection stifles authentic expression and growth.

Yet, beneath this cultural conditioning lies the potential for change. By understanding how perfectionism took root, women can begin to rewrite their internal narratives. The journey toward bravery involves embracing imperfections, challenging societal norms, and pursuing passions without fear of judgment. Erica's story serves as a reminder that while perfectionism may be deeply ingrained, the courage to break free and live authentically is within reach.

Is Erica's Journey from Perfectionism to Authenticity a Wake-Up Call for Women Everywhere?

From a young age, girls are taught to be perfect—polite, agreeable, and meticulous. This pursuit of perfection serves well in school, but once in the real world, these behaviors can backfire, hindering promotions, raises, and even personal relationships. Perfectionism encourages playing it safe, following expected paths, and avoiding risks. It may seem like a shield against criticism, but it’s bravery that truly propels success and happiness.

Bravery allows women to veer off the "supposed to" path, speak up against workplace injustices, and pursue meaningful careers. It empowers mothers to let their children explore and make mistakes, despite the instinct to protect them. Bravery is essential to overcoming losses, facing fears, and creating a life that’s authentically joyful and uniquely ours.

Many women realize too late that they have choices in life beyond the expected norms. The pressure to please parents and society often leads to unfulfilling paths. This narrative resonates with women from diverse backgrounds who face cultural and familial expectations. For example, Julianne abandoned her medical career against her family's wishes to pursue something she truly loves, still grappling with feelings of failure.

The myths of perfection—polished equals perfect, perfection brings happiness, failure is not an option—are deeply ingrained. Women spend years chasing these ideals, only to find themselves unhappy and trapped in roles they didn’t authentically choose. The fear of making mistakes and receiving negative feedback prevents many from stepping up to leadership roles or negotiating for fair pay.

Perfection is boring and unfulfilling. It’s the messy, imperfect edges that make life interesting and rich. Embracing imperfection creates joy and opens the door to genuine accomplishments and adventures. Bravery, not perfection, is the key to living a fulfilling life. It allows us to face fears, learn from failures, and pursue dreams with resilience and authenticity.

Embracing Imperfection: Julianne's Brave Leap Beyond Perfection

In the fall of 2017, the New York Times exposed Harvey Weinstein's decades-long history of sexual harassment, sparking a tidal wave of personal stories from women across various sectors - entertainment, sports, academia, media, and politics. This moment marked the birth of the #MeToo movement, where women united to reject silence and reclaim their voices. It was a historic shift, showcasing the power of collective female bravery. 

This movement redefined bravery, showing that it's not confined to men or defined by physical prowess. Brave acts come in many forms, from Serena Williams challenging bias at the U.S. Open to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testifying before the Senate about her assault. These examples underscore that bravery is about standing up for justice, breaking stereotypes, and claiming one's voice.

In contrast to outdated views that men are inherently braver due to evolutionary reasons, modern examples prove otherwise. Women like Chelsea Manning, who exposed government corruption, and Australian senator Larissa Waters, who breastfed in Parliament, demonstrate diverse forms of courage. The #MeToo movement, in particular, shattered the myth that bravery is a male trait. 

Bravery isn't just about grand gestures; it's also about personal acts of courage. Author Reshma Saujani shares her own story of overcoming fear by bungee jumping during a difficult time in her life, which helped her regain control and restart her career. True bravery, she argues, includes making tough personal choices, whether it's leaving a toxic relationship, surviving cancer, or simply asking for help.

Examples of everyday bravery abound. A five-year-old girl named Ainsley chose to dress as a hot dog for "Princess Week," and Jasmine, a young transgender girl, bravely shared her truth with her classmates. These acts, along with women standing up to powerful figures like Bill Cosby and Bill O'Reilly, illustrate that bravery often involves taking unpopular stands and refusing to back down.

Bravery also requires redefining success on one's own terms. Women like Carla, who left a successful business due to a toxic partnership, and those who confront societal expectations, embody this. Bravery is about making choices that align with personal values, whether it's staying in a challenging marriage, quitting breastfeeding, or standing up against administration policies.

Ultimately, bravery is about being true to oneself and challenging societal norms. It empowers us to pursue our dreams, build authentic relationships, and face life's challenges with resilience. In a world full of princesses, dare to be a hot dog. Bravery, in all its forms, is the true armor that allows us to navigate life's ups and downs and claim our voices.

Did the #MeToo Movement Redefine Bravery for Women Globally?

One early morning at JFK airport, Reshma Saujani, the author, found herself walking through security with giant curlers in her hair, much to the amusement of onlookers. This moment of not caring about others' opinions was a revelation of how far she had come in making bravery a habit. This realization led her to compile strategies for cultivating bravery, which she shares in her book.

Bravery is not about fearlessness but about acting despite fear. Reshma's journey from chasing perfection to embracing bravery started with an eighth-grade incident where she stood up to a group of mean girls, resulting in a black eye but also a newfound sense of courage. This experience taught her that showing up as her whole self, even in failure, is powerful.

Bravery is a muscle that needs regular exercise. The strategies Reshma has gathered, from both experts and personal experiences, are designed to help you build or reinforce your bravery habit. For instance, if saying no causes anxiety, focus on strategies to nix the need to please. If fear of rejection is your issue, practice getting caught trying. Building a supportive sisterhood or learning to survive failures are equally essential.

To cultivate a bravery mindset, prioritize wellness. Exhaustion kills bravery, so make self-care a priority. Exercise, sleep, and meditation are not just good for health but essential for sustaining the emotional energy bravery demands. Embrace the "power of yet," which shifts your mindset from a fixed to a growth perspective. Challenge your fears by discerning whether they stem from drama or wisdom, and push beyond your comfort zone.

Taking on daily bravery challenges, seeking feedback, and normalizing rejection can desensitize you to failure. Surround yourself with stories of resilience and learn to reframe mistakes as opportunities for growth. Doing things you're not good at, taking on physical challenges, and using your hands to build or fix things can further strengthen your bravery muscle.

Ultimately, bravery is a lifelong commitment. It requires consistent practice, resilience, and a willingness to embrace imperfection. By integrating these strategies into your daily life, you can transform bravery from a conscious effort into an automatic habit, empowering you to face challenges and pursue your dreams with confidence.

From JFK to Bravery: Transforming Fear into Fearlessness

Reshma Saujani, the author, was invited to speak at a major tech conference, just as the #MeToo movement was gaining momentum and a controversial Google memo suggested women were biologically unsuited for tech roles. 

The organizers expected a feel-good talk about girls coding, but Reshma addressed the urgent need for Silicon Valley to change its sexist culture. Her talk wasn't well-received, and the Q&A session was canceled. Despite feeling blackballed, she realized not everyone needs to like or understand her.

Her executive coach, Rha, helped Reshma see that being okay with not being liked is key. This led her to reflect on trusting herself, just like Bridget Moynahan learned early in her career. Moynahan ignored her instincts during an audition and didn't land the role, but it was a turning point that taught her the importance of self-trust.

Letting go of the need to please isn't easy, but it's liberating. Reshma admires women like Madonna, Beyoncé, and Amy Schumer who embody the "no fucks given" attitude. Their unapologetic authenticity inspires her to prioritize her own voice over others' opinions.

When Reshma started Girls Who Code, she vowed never to be unkind like a high-powered woman was to her. But saying yes too often drained her. Learning to say no has been empowering, aligning her choices with her true priorities.

Asking for what she wants isn't always easy, but research shows people see us as less assertive than we perceive ourselves. It's time to negotiate, request, and articulate our needs without apology.

Elizabeth Warren's persistence despite being silenced during a hearing reminds Reshma of the importance of reclaiming her voice. Promoting oneself is crucial for career advancement, even if it feels uncomfortable.

After a failure, Reshma allows herself a short pity party, then celebrates the effort. Like scientists at Biogen who toasted their failed ALS trial, it's about recognizing achievements along the way. Shaking off disappointment through physical activity and reassessing situations with cognitive flexibility helps her realign with her purpose.

Gratitude and altruism also play a role. Writing down what Reshma is thankful for and helping others lifts her from negativity. Failure becomes a badge of honor, preparing her to try again.

Being brave is a powerful form of activism. Shalene Flanagan's support for fellow female runners exemplifies the "Team Brave" spirit. By sharing our successes and messes, supporting each other, and promoting a culture of authenticity, we can drive change.

In the end, embracing bravery over perfection empowers us to make a difference. Let's say goodbye to the perfect girl and claim our power.

Is Silicon Valley Ready to Embrace the No Fucks Given Attitude of Madonna, Beyoncé, and Amy Schumer?

Erica, a radiant sixteen-year-old with a seemingly perfect life, faced a hidden struggle with perfectionism. Despite being a class leader and stellar student, her journal revealed the immense pressure she felt to maintain her flawless image. The fear of failure was so overwhelming that it once made her physically ill. Now a successful political consultant, Erica still battles the same perfectionism that haunted her youth, holding back from dreams like moving out of the city or having a child on her own.

Erica's story mirrors that of many women, conditioned from a young age to be perfect and polite, leading to an ever-present inner critic. Studies show that girls start to fear failure around age eight, which stifles their bravery and reinforces the notion that they must excel in everything. This relentless pursuit of perfection, fueled by societal norms and media portrayals, creates a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt.

The #MeToo movement, ignited by the exposure of Harvey Weinstein's sexual harassment, marked a historic shift in redefining bravery. Women from all walks of life stood up, showcasing that bravery isn't confined to men or physical acts. From Serena Williams challenging bias to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's testimony, these acts of courage highlight the power of standing up for justice and claiming one's voice.

Bravery isn't just about grand gestures but also personal acts of courage. Reshma Saujani, for example, overcame fear by bungee jumping during a tough time, which helped her restart her career. Everyday bravery can be seen in a five-year-old dressing as a hot dog for "Princess Week" or a young transgender girl sharing her truth with her classmates.

Bravery involves redefining success on personal terms. Women like Carla, who left a successful business due to a toxic partnership, embody this. It's about making choices that align with personal values, whether it's staying in a challenging marriage or standing up against societal expectations.

To cultivate bravery, prioritize wellness and self-care. Embrace the "power of yet" and challenge fears. Daily bravery challenges, seeking feedback, and normalizing rejection can desensitize you to failure. Surround yourself with stories of resilience and reframe mistakes as growth opportunities.

Bravery is a lifelong commitment, requiring consistent practice and resilience. By integrating strategies for bravery into daily life, you can transform it from a conscious effort into an automatic habit, empowering you to face challenges and pursue dreams confidently.

Embracing bravery over perfection empowers us to make a difference. Let's say goodbye to the perfect girl and claim our power.

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Brave, Not Perfect: Fear Less, Fail More, and Live Bolder

Reshma Saujani

6 Key ideas

16 MINS

4.5 (944)

Do you feel the constant pressure to be perfect, just like Erica, a successful political consultant who's still haunted by her teenage perfectionism?

Have you ever wondered what fuels this relentless pursuit of perfection in women and how it creates a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt?

Want to know how the #MeToo movement redefined bravery and how everyday acts of courage can help you claim your voice?

Dive in to explore how embracing bravery over perfection can empower you to make a difference.