Ever wondered why Pixar chose Sadness over Fear as the protagonist in the Oscar-winning movie Inside Out? Do you know how Dacher Keltner, a psychology professor, influenced this shift? Are you curious about the science of emotions and the role of compassion and connection in human success? Dive in to explore the transformative power of sadness, its link to empathy, and how it can foster profound human bonds.

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole

In 2010, Pixar director Pete Docter set out to create an animated film about the complex emotions of an eleven-year-old girl named Riley. Initially, he wanted to place Fear alongside Joy as the central characters. However, three years into the project, with the movie partially animated, Docter realized the narrative was failing. Fear had nothing significant to teach Joy.

It was then that Docter experienced an epiphany: Sadness, not Fear, was the key to human connection. Despite concerns that Pixar executives would reject the idea of a glum character at the center of a film, Docter pushed for Sadness to be the main protagonist. This decision transformed "Inside Out" into a profound story about the importance of all emotions, particularly Sadness, in fostering compassion and connection. The film ultimately won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature and became Pixar's highest-grossing original film.

The journey to this understanding was influenced by Docter’s collaboration with Dacher Keltner, a psychology professor from UC Berkeley. Keltner educated Docter on the science of emotions, emphasizing that Sadness triggers compassion and bonding. Keltner's own life, marked by a childhood filled with frequent relocations and family turmoil, had taught him the deep value of compassion and connection.

Keltner’s research at the Greater Good Science Center explores the "compassionate instinct," showing that our nervous systems are wired to respond to others' pain. This instinct is as fundamental as our need to eat and breathe and is crucial to human success. Compassion, literally meaning "to suffer together," is one of humanity’s strongest bonding agents. Keltner's work reveals how our brains and bodies are designed to respond to suffering with care, furthering our understanding of compassion as a deeply rooted, evolutionary trait.

Keltner’s findings are supported by other studies showing that sadness and empathy are closely linked. For example, depressed individuals often display heightened empathy, viewing the world from others' perspectives. This interconnectedness of emotions and compassion suggests that embracing our sadness can lead to greater empathy and stronger social bonds.

Keltner’s personal experiences, including the loss of his beloved brother Rolf to cancer, have deepened his understanding of sadness and its role in fostering compassion. Through his brother’s struggles and kindness, Keltner learned the importance of caring for others. Despite his achievements and vibrant community, Keltner still grapples with feelings of rootlessness and sadness, yet he views these emotions as integral to his capacity for compassion.

Ultimately, Keltner's work and experiences highlight the transformative power of sadness. By acknowledging and honoring our sadness, we can deepen our connections with others, fostering a more compassionate and empathetic society. This understanding is crucial in a world where connection is often lacking, demonstrating that even the most challenging emotions can lead to profound human bonds.

Did Sadness Propel "Inside Out" to Oscar Glory and Redefine Human Connection?

The story of Francesca from "The Bridges of Madison County" explores the deepest yearning of the human heart. Francesca, an elegant Italian woman, marries an American soldier and moves to a small town in Iowa. Her life is filled with the simplicity of a loving family and a kind, devoted husband. 

However, when her family leaves for a week, she experiences solitude for the first time and relishes it. Her life takes a turn when a National Geographic photographer knocks on her door, leading to a passionate four-day affair. Ultimately, Francesca decides not to run away with him, recognizing that their time together was a glimpse of a perfect, beautiful world that cannot be sustained in reality. They part ways, longing for each other for the rest of their lives.

The story resonates with many because it captures the essence of longing, a theme explored by many thinkers and artists. Alain de Botton, in his essay "Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person," argues that the idea of a perfect soulmate is a fantasy, and we should focus on accepting our partners' imperfections and improving ourselves. However, longing is not just about romantic love; it is a profound and creative state that can be seen in our reactions to music, art, and nature.

Studies show that people who are moved by sad music tend to have higher empathy and experience a deep connection and transcendence through these emotions. This yearning is not a craving for something specific but a desire for a more perfect and beautiful world. Philosophers and mystics have long recognized this longing as a sacred and generative force. The Sufi tradition, for example, views longing as a path to divine love, a theme echoed by many other mystical traditions.

In the end, Francesca's story is not just about a marriage and an affair but about the moments when we glimpse our own Eden. It is about the transience of these sightings and why they mean more than anything else that might happen to us. This longing is a fundamental part of our human experience, connecting us to the sublime and the divine.

Francesca's Yearning: A Glimpse of Eden in 'The Bridges of Madison County'

In 1944, nine-year-old Leonard Cohen experienced his first artistic expression amid tragedy, writing a poem for his deceased father and burying it in a bowtie. This act foreshadowed a Grammy-winning career filled with verses of heartache and longing. Known as a "boudoir poet," Cohen's love life was transient, with his muse, Marianne Ihlen, inspiring iconic songs about farewells. His work, often somber, was a testament to creativity's link with sorrow. 

Studies throughout history, from Aristotle to modern researchers, suggest that creativity thrives in adversity. Marvin Eisenstadt's research found a high percentage of creative leaders were orphaned young, while others, like Kay Redfield Jamison, noted artists' susceptibility to mood disorders. Even negative emotions, as studied by Karol Jan Borowiecki, can predict creative output.

This intersection of sorrow and creativity is evident in Cohen’s music, which juxtaposes darkness with light—a theme mirrored in Beethoven's "Ode to Joy." Despite his personal tragedies, Beethoven's composition remains a symbol of joy, illustrating the transformative power of creativity.

Arts therapy underscores this, as engaging with creativity—whether as a creator or consumer—boosts health and satisfaction. This idea resonated with the author when she attended a Leonard Cohen memorial concert, where Damien Rice's rendition of "Famous Blue Raincoat" touched her deeply. This highlights the power of music to transform grief.

Creativity is a means to transform pain, as seen in the journey of Min Kym. After her prized Stradivarius was stolen, she found new expression through writing, illustrating that loss can spark rebirth. Her story, like Cohen’s and Beethoven's, reminds us that the interplay of sorrow and creativity can lead to transcendence. Whether creating or experiencing art, we find solace and connection, transforming the fragments of brokenness into beauty and light.

Did Leonard Cohen's Tragic Childhood Spark His Grammy-Winning Creativity?

One of Susan Cain's earliest memories is of her mother, who meant everything to her. Her mother was always there with a loving smile, ready with chocolate ice cream or a gentle joke. Her mother’s life, however, was shaped by deep sorrows; her own mother had been very ill, and her father, a rabbi, had lost his family to the Holocaust. This history imbued her mother with a sense of fear and unworthiness, though she managed to shield Susan from these burdens during her childhood.

As Susan grew older, the relationship with her mother became fraught with tension. Her mother imposed strict, religiously motivated rules, which Susan frequently broke in her quest for independence, leading to cycles of conflict and reconciliation. The real rupture occurred when Susan went to Princeton and, in a moment of naive trust, handed her mother her diaries. Her mother read them, which felt to Susan like an emotional guillotine.

Her mother’s reaction to Susan’s college life was one of fear and anger. The phone calls were filled with accusations, and her visits were marked by threats to withdraw Susan from school. Through it all, Susan sought solace in writing, documenting her pain and confusion.

Decades later, the love and conflict with her mother still haunted Susan. She learned to navigate life’s challenges, partly through practices like loving-kindness meditation, which helped her balance boundaries with compassion. This meditation, taught by Sharon Salzberg, involved wishing well to oneself and others, embracing both love and loss.

In her mother’s final years, Alzheimer’s disease softened her mother’s edges. She forgot the conflicts and only remembered love, repeatedly affirming Susan’s goodness as a daughter. This bittersweet reconciliation allowed Susan to cherish the good in their relationship, even as she acknowledged the pain.

Stories of loss, such as those shared by Maya Angelou or Rene Denfeld, show that healing often involves transforming personal wounds into acts of empathy and kindness. This theme is echoed in the fictional tale of Kafka comforting a grieving girl by writing letters from her lost doll, teaching that love can return in different forms.

Her mother’s love, despite their tumultuous history, remained a powerful force in Susan’s life. Those final, tender affirmations from her mother confirmed the deep, enduring bond they shared, despite the imperfections and heartbreaks. Susan’s story is a testament to the complex, enduring nature of love and the ways it shapes us.

Finding Healing Through Sharon Salzberg's Meditation

"Loser" is a term spoken with contempt, yet our losses often teach us valuable lessons. America’s culture of enforced positivity, explored through the lens of psychologist Susan David’s personal story, reveals the pressure to remain upbeat despite hardships. 

At fifteen, Susan’s father was diagnosed with cancer and everyone insisted on staying positive. Even as he canceled his life insurance in blind optimism, leaving the family in financial ruin, Susan maintained a façade of strength. It wasn’t until her English teacher encouraged her to write honestly about her grief that she began to process her pain authentically, transforming her life.

This culture of relentless positivity has deep roots in American history, tied to economic development and the doctrine of success or failure. From Calvinism’s predestination to the New Thought movement’s emphasis on positive thinking, Americans have been conditioned to mask their sorrows and project an image of success. This expectation persists in modern society, especially on college campuses where "effortless perfection" reigns. Students feel pressured to appear as if they succeed without trying, masking any signs of struggle or failure.

This phenomenon is evident in the tragic story of Madison Holleran, a Penn student who died by suicide despite outward appearances of happiness. The pressure to maintain a perfect image leads to widespread anxiety and depression, as students hide their true feelings. The concept of "effortless perfection" extends beyond college, influencing our workplaces and personal lives.

Susan David’s journey from enforced positivity to embracing her authentic emotions highlights the importance of acknowledging our sorrows and longings. By accepting both our losses and our wins, we can find true meaning, creativity, and joy.

Is America's Culture of Enforced Positivity Masking a Deeper Crisis?

Susan David, a psychologist, teaches "emotional agility," a concept about embracing and moving past difficult emotions to spark life changes. She sees many people trapped in what she calls the "tyranny of positivity," where expressing sorrow or vulnerability is frowned upon. 

Susan, who lost her father at fifteen, uses her experiences to highlight how suppressing emotions can make them stronger, much like ignoring a tempting chocolate cake. Her TED Talk emphasizes that internal pain will always surface, affecting us and those around us.

Susan's work is part of a broader movement in organizational psychology that recognizes the importance of compassion and emotional expression at work. Scholars like Peter Frost and Jane Dutton have founded initiatives like the CompassionLab to encourage workplaces to be more empathetic environments. This shift is evident in places like Midwest Billing, where compassion has created a supportive culture and improved business outcomes.

In the business world, there is a growing appreciation for leaders who embrace their melancholic sides. Research shows that leaders who express sorrow rather than anger can foster stronger relationships and inspire loyalty. Tim Chang, a venture capitalist, and Lara Nuer, a leadership coach, have both tapped into their vulnerabilities to become more effective leaders by integrating their personal histories and emotional truths.

One striking example of this shift is Rick Fox, a leader on an oil rig who transformed its macho culture by encouraging his team to share their vulnerabilities, leading to improved safety and productivity. Similarly, James Pennebaker's research on expressive writing shows that articulating one's emotions can lead to better mental health and professional success.

Susan's workshops, which encourage participants to face their emotional truths, demonstrate the power of this approach. By embracing our full emotional spectrum, including the bittersweet, we can achieve greater authenticity and connection both at work and in our personal lives.

Susan David's 'Emotional Agility' Revolution: Embracing Vulnerability for Authentic Leadership

When the descendants of humanity spread across the stars, they may delay telling their children about Ancient Earth's history, especially about Death, until they’re old enough to bear it. Such a thought resonates deeply with Susan Cain, as her brother, an abdominal radiologist at Mount Sinai hospital, succumbed to COVID-19 complications in April 2020. 

This loss brought a profound sense of nausea, a realization of the finality of death. It wasn't just the sorrow of missing her brother's humor and devotion to family, but the stark truth that what once was will never be again.

Susan's brother, who met his love Paula later in life and married just before the pandemic, was a dedicated physician known for his selfless care and significant contributions in his field. As she grappled with memories and the stoic grief of her father, who also died of COVID within the same year, she found herself contemplating the impermanence of life.

This reflection leads us to explore a contrasting view at the RAADfest 2017 conference in San Diego, dubbed “the Woodstock of radical life extension.” Here, immortalists, or advocates of anti-death and radical life extension, gather to discuss and promote the belief that we can and should live forever. Figures like Aubrey de Grey advocate for achieving "longevity escape velocity" to extend human lifespans indefinitely, challenging death itself.

At the conference, Susan encountered a mix of scientists, investors, and enthusiasts, all united by the belief that death is an enemy to be conquered. The program featured presentations from renowned figures like Dr. Greg Fahy and Dr. Mike West, who are pushing the boundaries of science to extend life. Bernie, an eighty-year-old co-founder of People Unlimited, passionately declared her rejection of death and her commitment to living fully.

Among these immortalists was Keith Comito, a technology pioneer driven by a personal history of loss and a fervent desire to extend human life. His enthusiasm and dedication to the cause reflect a profound belief in the possibility of a deathless future.

However, this quest raises philosophical and practical questions: Can we truly eliminate death? Would we still be human without it? Immortalists argue that solving mortality could lead to solving other global issues, fostering harmony and reducing conflict. Yet, others believe that the very sorrows and longings of life, perhaps even mortality itself, are what unite us and give life its deepest meaning.

In exploring these ideas, we confront the reality that even if we achieve a deathless existence, the conditions of disappointment and heartbreak remain. The longing for a perfect world, as described by mystics and religious teachings, suggests that our ultimate yearning is for a deeper connection to the source of love itself.

The immortalists' pursuit of eternal life is a powerful testament to humanity's desire to overcome death, but it also highlights the enduring nature of our quest for meaning and connection. As we navigate this complex journey, we must remember that learning to walk the path of sorrow and longing may be our greatest task.

Can Humanity Truly Conquer Death as Immortalists Like Aubrey de Grey Believe?

Issa, the Japanese Buddhist poet, married late in life and endured incredible hardships—losing his mother, facing cruelty from his stepmother, caring for his sick father, and the devastating loss of his children to disease. 

Despite his sorrow, Issa became one of Japan’s "Great Four" haiku masters, poignantly capturing his struggle with impermanence in his poetry. His famous haiku, “This world of dew / Is a world of dew. / But even so…,” reflects his heartache and resistance to letting go of his losses. Issa's words resonate deeply as they address the universal human experience of grief and the difficulty of practicing nonattachment.

Living with awareness of life’s fragility connects us all. This awareness isn’t about fully accepting impermanence but acknowledging it and feeling its sting. Researchers like Dr. Laura Carstensen have found that this awareness can lead to living more in the present, experiencing more gratitude, and less stress. Her studies show that as people age, they tend to focus on meaningful relationships and positive experiences, a perspective often gained from understanding life’s limited time.

Accepting the pain of separation as part of life helps us appreciate the fleeting beauty of our experiences and connections.

The wisdom of acknowledging impermanence and moving forward, rather than simply moving on, is essential. It’s about carrying the memory of lost loved ones with us, finding joy in the present, and understanding that grief and happiness can coexist. This bittersweet perspective, much like Issa’s enduring message, reminds us that while we may never fully let go of our losses, we can continue to live fully and meaningfully, connected through our shared human experience.

Issa's Haiku: A Poetic Journey Through Grief and Impermanence

Silence in the first generation is carried in the body by the second. Susan Cain began writing this book to unravel the mystery of bittersweet music and its profound impact on humanity. However, a deeper quest emerged for her: understanding the tears she shed for her mother and finding a way to stop them.

This journey led Susan to a workshop in Manhattan designed for those working with the dying and bereaved. In a yoga studio turned seminar room, she encountered Dr. Simcha Raphael, a death awareness educator. Simcha, who combined the wisdom of an Orthodox rabbi with the free-spirited nature of a California hippie, guided participants through their grief stories. One of them, Maureen, a 'tough Irish' social worker, shared her unresolved sorrow over her father's death and her struggles with self-forgiveness and sobriety.

As Susan shared her own story, her tears flowed uncontrollably, revealing a deep, inherited grief. Simcha observed that Susan was carrying not only her own sorrow but also that of her ancestors, victims of the Holocaust. This profound realization aligned with the emerging field of epigenetics, where scientists like Dr. Rachel Yehuda study how trauma can affect genes across generations.

Dr. Yehuda's research with Holocaust survivors and their children revealed that the impact of trauma could be inherited, leading to higher rates of PTSD and depression. This scientific validation of transgenerational trauma resonated deeply with Susan, suggesting that healing, too, could be passed down through generations.

Healing, as Susan discovered, can take many forms. Therapy, enriched environments, and meaningful connections with both the past and present can transform inherited pain. She found inspiration in the work of individuals like Farah Khatib, who supports Syrian refugees, and Dr. William Breitbart, who helps dying cancer patients find meaning in their final days.

Ultimately, Susan’s journey taught her to honor her ancestors' stories while liberating herself from the weight of their pain. She concluded that it is essential to embrace one's unique life, acknowledging both the influence of the past and the singularity of one's own existence. And if an insatiable longing for a perfect world remains, she believes that longing should be embraced as well, for it draws humanity toward deeper understanding and connection.

Can Trauma Be Inherited Across Generations?

Creating "Inside Out" was originally a challenge since pairing Joy with Fear didn't provide significant insights. Pete Docter then realized that Sadness was essential for human connection, transforming the movie into a story about the importance of all emotions, especially Sadness, for compassion and bonding. This shift, influenced by psychologist Dacher Keltner, highlighted how Sadness fosters empathy and connection, integral to human success.

Francesca's story in "The Bridges of Madison County" and Leonard Cohen's creative journey both illustrate how longing and sorrow can lead to profound artistic expression and emotional depth. Cohen's work, marked by personal tragedies, shows how adversity can fuel creativity, while Francesca’s tale underscores the deep human yearning for connection.

Personal accounts and research emphasize the transformative power of embracing sorrow and vulnerability. Susan David’s concept of "emotional agility" advocates for acknowledging difficult emotions to foster genuine connections and personal growth. This approach is mirrored in the business world, where leaders who express vulnerability build stronger, more loyal teams.

The quest for immortality at RAADfest highlights humanity's desire to overcome death, yet it raises questions about the nature of life and meaning. Embracing the bittersweet aspects of existence can lead to greater appreciation and presence in the moment.

The realization that trauma can be inherited underscores the importance of addressing and healing from past sorrows. Engaging with our grief, as seen through workshops and therapeutic approaches, can lead to personal and collective healing, allowing us to honor our past while living fully in the present.

Home

Trending Books

News & Mags

Relax

Curated

Collections

Key Ideas & Notes

Insights

Highlights & Bookmarks

Listening History

Improve your Career, Health & Life with 15min insights from 9000+ non-fiction books

Key Ideas

#1