Ever wondered how your decisions, big or small, shape your life's story? How did historical figures like George Washington and Martin Luther King Jr. make choices that shaped history? Are you aware of the Plastic Truths we tell ourselves to justify poor choices? Dive in to explore how every decision we make writes our legacy, and how asking the right questions can guide us to a story worth telling.

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move

Life revolves around decision-making. Every day, we face countless choices that shape our lives. Whether we're decisive or hesitant, our decisions steer our life's direction. They form our personal stories and even influence how others perceive us. While some decisions lead to joy and accomplishments, others bring regret and disappointment. 

Reflecting on the decisions we wish we could undo, like skipping breakfast or missing a workout, highlights how even small choices matter. Often, people fail to learn from their mistakes, blaming others instead. We should strive to take responsibility and make better decisions.

Emotions and appetites heavily influence our choices, sometimes overriding intelligence and experience. This is why we often know what's best for others but struggle to apply the same wisdom to ourselves. 

Observing others' poor decisions can seem like they're sabotaging their own happiness, but it's important to recognize that we too can fall into similar traps. Planning and safeguards can help avoid unnecessary, bad choices.

Surprise decisions, those we didn't anticipate, are particularly challenging. They often require quick thinking without adequate information, making them even more difficult. Toxic relationships, for example, force us to make tough decisions that affect our well-being.

Legacy, a term often overlooked, plays a significant role in our decision-making. Our choices leave lasting impacts, not just on our lives but on future generations. Historical figures like George Washington and Martin Luther King Jr. made decisions that shaped history. Similarly, our personal decisions can influence the lives of our children and grandchildren.

Ultimately, our private decisions have public outcomes. They shape our stories and leave fingerprints on the future. By consistently asking five crucial questions, we can ensure our choices lead to a story worth telling and a legacy worth celebrating. 

Are Your Decisions Crafting a Legacy as Impactful as Martin Luther King Jr.'s?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and asked, "Am I being honest with myself... really?" It's astonishing how easily we deceive ourselves. We are the masterminds behind our own bad decisions—financial, relational, professional, and more. Despite outside pressures, we often ignore wise counsel and sell ourselves on what we want in the moment, leading to regret. Self-leadership is crucial for success, but it starts with honesty.

We justify our actions with "Plastic Truths," as professor Erin Brown calls them, false narratives we create to avoid confronting our mistakes. These justifications can lead us into destructive habits, doomed relationships, and dumb purchases. We've all been there—talking ourselves into a new gadget we don't need or a relationship we know is bad for us.

Why do we lie to ourselves? Psychologists point to confirmation bias, our tendency to seek out information that supports what we already believe. This bias blinds us to reality, making us prone to poor decisions. Even ancient wisdom, like that of the prophet Jeremiah, highlights this flaw: "The heart is deceitful above all things."

So, how do we break free? First, admit you deceive yourself. Embrace this uncomfortable truth to develop a healthy suspicion of your internal salesman. Second, ask yourself tough questions, like "Am I being honest with myself... really?" Finally, be curious. Push through discomfort to understand why you feel or act a certain way.

Being honest with yourself is liberating. It cuts through the fog of self-deception, allowing you to make better decisions. Remember, you rarely have to sell yourself on a good idea. If you find yourself justifying a choice, pause and ask, "Why am I doing this... really?" Your future self will thank you.

Question 1: Am I Being Honest with Myself?

Every decision you make becomes a part of your life story. So, what story do you want to tell? Andy Stanley's dad's story was shaped by his own father's absence and his determination to be a present and caring father. Growing up in the harsh conditions of the 1930s and 40s, he became fiercely independent and disciplined, determined to give his family the stable life he never had.

His nightly routine of lying beside his kids as they drifted off to sleep, answering their questions, and sharing stories from his childhood made a lasting impact on Andy. He told them about delivering newspapers at 5 a.m., breaking windows with frozen newspapers, and his tough relationship with his stepfather. His perseverance led him to a scholarship and a successful life. His stories, along with those of his grandfather, shaped Andy's life and decisions.

We don't often think of our lives as stories, but they are. Our decisions, big or small, shape the narratives we tell. Like the story of Joseph from the Bible, who, despite being sold into slavery and facing numerous challenges, made decisions that led to a remarkable life story. His integrity and faithfulness ultimately positioned him as a key leader in Egypt.

Our decisions, especially in tough times, are opportunities to write a story we are proud of. Andy's friend Jimmy, during a painful divorce, chose to write a story he could proudly tell his kids, despite the temptation to retaliate against his wife.

So, when making decisions, consider the story you want to tell. Avoid choices that you’ll regret or make you a liar for life. Write a story worth telling, one decision at a time.

Question 2: What Life Story Are You Crafting with Each Decision?

Why do people who’ve had too much to drink make poor decisions? While alcohol might be the obvious culprit, it's more about what it does to our brains. Alcohol increases norepinephrine, a stimulant that makes us impulsive and less inhibited. It also impairs the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking and decision-making.

But here's the twist: even sober people often ignore the cues and internal tensions that should guide their decisions, something intoxicated people simply can't do. This leads us to an important question—one that everyone should ask when making decisions: Is there a tension that deserves my attention?

Sometimes, an option we're considering creates a subtle unease—a red flag moment. Ignoring this internal tension can lead to regret. For example, Andy's mom felt compelled to tell him not to sell a piece of property he owned. Despite no logical reason, he heeded her advice and was glad he did. Similarly, Andy's dad’s call made him reconsider his graduate school choice, leading him to a more challenging but ultimately rewarding path.

Even David in the Old Testament faced a crucial moment of tension. When given the chance to kill King Saul and end his fugitive status, David felt an internal conflict and spared Saul's life. This decision, driven by a gut feeling, ultimately led to David becoming king without bloodshed.

It's not just parents who create this tension. Friends can highlight potential pitfalls too, making us pause and reconsider our choices. This tension, whether from within or from others, deserves our attention because it often points us toward a better decision.

In essence, when a decision causes internal tension, don't ignore it. Embrace it, understand it, and let it guide you. This approach can help you avoid regret and make more thoughtful, conscientious decisions.

Question 3: Is There a Tension That Deserves My Attention?

Remember those curfews from our teenage years? They often turned us into aggressive drivers trying to beat the clock. When Andy's boys started driving, he changed the approach and told them what time to leave for home instead. Thanks to cell phones, he could ensure they left on time.

This "just five more minutes" mentality extends beyond curfews. As adults, we often push limits—one more drink, one more bite, one more swipe of the card—until we find ourselves in trouble. We drive slightly over the speed limit, living on the edge of what's legal, moral, or responsible, trying to avoid consequences while flirting with disaster.

Our culture encourages this behavior, prompting us to question how close we can get to the line without crossing it. This mindset is dangerous and often leads to regret. The real question we should ask instead is, "What is the wise thing to do?"

Our greatest regrets are usually the result of a series of unwise decisions. They might not have been wrong or illegal, but they were certainly unwise. To avoid future regrets, we need to create moral, ethical, and financial margins by asking ourselves this question in every situation.

Paul's advice to the Ephesians is timeless: "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity." This means living with caution and not taking unnecessary risks. Wisdom helps us make the most of our time and avoid pitfalls, ensuring our decisions align with our long-term goals.

We need to establish reference points to guide our decision-making. In light of our past experiences, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing for us to do? This approach helps us navigate life's challenges and avoid the slippery slope of unwise choices.

Consider your past experience. What has tripped you up before? Use that knowledge to inform your decisions today. Reflect on your current circumstances. What emotions or pressures are influencing you right now? And finally, think about your future hopes and dreams. What decisions will help you achieve them?

By making decisions with wisdom and foresight, we can avoid regrets and build a life we're proud of. So, next time you're faced with a choice, ask yourself: "In light of my past experience, my current circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do?"

Question 4: What Is the Wise Thing to Do?

Let's cut to the chase: What does love require of us? This question, while powerful and clarifying, can also be terrifying. Most of the time, we already know the answer before we finish asking it. And once we know, we're accountable. That's the hard part.

Andy's mentor, Regi Campbell, used to ask him, "Andy, what do you hope I don't ask you about?" It was his way of making Andy confront the uncomfortable truths he wanted to avoid. Our final question is like that. It's about relationships—about ensuring the people we care about stay in our lives. It’s about love.

We all know the Golden Rule: Treat others how you want to be treated. But Jesus raised the bar with a new command: "Love one another as I have loved you". This isn't just about feeling love; it's about doing love. Jesus's example of love was radical and selfless, culminating in his ultimate sacrifice.

Jesus didn't play the "God card"; he led by example. His love was gritty, sacrificial, and personal. He left his disciples a simple but demanding command: "Love as I have loved you". This higher standard of love is what we should aim for in our relationships.

Andy and his wife Sandra are foster parents, and they never relied much on rules. Instead, they emphasized honor. Rules can create loopholes, but honor builds relationships. When their forever foster daughter Sierra asked about their rules, Andy handed her a card that simply said "HONOR." It didn’t revolutionize her behavior overnight, but it laid the foundation for their relationship.

So, the heart of our final question is this: "What does love require of me?" It’s a question that should guide every interaction and decision, whether we're parenting, partnering, or working with others. It’s about doing what's best for others, not just what's convenient for us. 

Paul's description of love in 1 Corinthians 13 gives us a clear roadmap: Love is patient and kind. It isn’t jealous or proud. It honors others, seeks their good, and is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

This kind of love is demanding, but it's what we hope to receive from others. When two people commit to this kind of love, it transforms relationships. It’s not always easy, and it doesn’t promise immediate returns. But it’s how we make our world better and reflect the love we’ve received.

In the end, love fills the gaps left by our limited knowledge and changing beliefs. While we may not always know what to believe, we almost always know what love requires of us. And that’s the best guide we can have.

Question 4: What Does Love Require of Me?

Life is a series of decisions that shape our stories and influence how others see us. Each choice, big or small, leads to different outcomes, from joy to regret. It's essential to take responsibility for our decisions rather than blaming others, and to learn from our mistakes.

Our emotions often cloud our judgment, making it hard to follow the wisdom we easily offer others. Planning and safeguards can help mitigate poor choices, especially those made in moments of surprise or high emotion.

Legacy plays a crucial role in our decision-making, as our choices impact future generations. Reflecting on historical figures, we see how their decisions shaped the world, just as our decisions shape our personal stories and those of our descendants.

Honesty with oneself is vital for better decision-making. We often deceive ourselves, justifying poor choices with false narratives. Admitting this self-deception and asking tough questions can help us make wiser decisions and avoid regret.

Internal tensions or red flags should not be ignored, as they often guide us toward better choices. Acknowledging these feelings can prevent future regret and lead to more thoughtful decisions.

We must avoid pushing limits and instead ask, "What is the wise thing to do?" This question helps create ethical and moral margins, avoiding unwise decisions that lead to regret.

Finally, love should guide our actions. Asking, "What does love require of me?" ensures that our decisions prioritize the well-being of others and align with a higher standard of selfless, sacrificial love. This approach transforms relationships and fosters a better world.

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Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets: 5 Questions to Help You Determine Your Next Move

Andy Stanley

7 Key ideas

14 MINS

4.9 (158)

Ever wondered how your decisions, big or small, shape your life's story?

How did historical figures like George Washington and Martin Luther King Jr. make choices that shaped history?

Are you aware of the Plastic Truths we tell ourselves to justify poor choices?

Dive in to explore how every decision we make writes our legacy, and how asking the right questions can guide us to a story worth telling.