Ever wondered how ADHD impacts adult women, particularly in entrepreneurship and relationships? How does it affect time management, sleep, and emotional regulation? Can ADHD traits be transformed into superpowers? Dive into this riveting narrative that explores the unique challenges and strengths of women living with ADHD. Discover practical strategies to manage symptoms, build successful enterprises, and foster fulfilling relationships.

ADHD for Smart Ass Women: How to Fall in Love with Your Neurodivergent Brain

Monday morning, 6:30 a.m. Tracy Otsuka, the author, heads to the garage for a spin on her bike. But the watch she uses to track her workouts is in the kitchen, so she clomps back up the stairs, greeted by her demanding dog, Mo, who wants treats from the garage. On her way, she notices flies and starts swatting them, gets distracted by a UPS package, and ends up almost falling on the hardwood floor. Before she knows it, it’s 7:15 a.m., and she’s missed her workout.

This chaotic morning is a snapshot of life with ADHD. One moment she's scattered, the next she's hyperfocused on a task, losing track of everything else. It's a rollercoaster. ADHD isn’t just a childhood issue; many adults have it too, often undiagnosed, especially women. They hyperfocus intensely on things they love, but struggle with tasks they're less interested in, which can be a mixed blessing.

ADHD impacts the prefrontal cortex, affecting planning, organization, focus, and emotional regulation. Symptoms vary widely, making diagnosis tricky. ADHD doesn't equate to a lack of intelligence; many of those with it are curious, resilient, and creative. The condition is highly heritable and influenced by both genetics and environment.

Three types of ADHD exist: 
1. Hyperactive and Impulsive, 
2. Inattentive, and 
3. Combined. 
Each has distinct symptoms, and the intensity can change over time. Childhood trauma can exacerbate symptoms, adding another layer of complexity.

Despite stereotypes, ADHD is not overdiagnosed. In fact, it's underdiagnosed, particularly in women, who are often misdiagnosed with mood disorders. Public awareness and understanding are crucial for accurate diagnosis and treatment.

For instance, Tracy once forgot to pick up a friend’s kids, even though she saw them standing with her son. This kind of absent-mindedness is common among women with ADHD. Yet, many women remain undiagnosed, suffering from low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression as a result.

Gender biases in ADHD research have led to misconceptions. Boys are more likely to be diagnosed because their symptoms are more obvious. Girls often internalize their symptoms, making them harder to spot. They might appear dreamy or distracted, behaviors that are easily overlooked.

Women with ADHD often overcompensate, working harder to avoid judgment. Many of them have a strong intuition about their condition, but finding the right diagnosis can be challenging. Doctors may not be adequately trained, and there’s no single test for ADHD. A comprehensive evaluation, including personal history and behavior rating scales, is essential.

Medication can be life-changing for some but not for all. It’s crucial to combine it with other treatments like exercise, good sleep, and a healthy diet. Always trust your instincts and track how you feel on any new medication. The journey to managing ADHD is personal and unique for everyone.

Understanding ADHD is the first step to harnessing its strengths and managing its challenges. Let’s continue to explore how our ADHD brains work, especially in women.

Is ADHD Really Underdiagnosed in Women?

In high school, Tracy aspired to become a dentist like her dad, despite her lack of interest in the required subjects. By the end of her first college semester as a biochemistry major, her grades were dismal. Realizing her mistake, Tracy switched to political science, driven by her interest in law and a desire to prove her intelligence. This pivot led Tracy to summer school, where she discovered her true passions in creative writing and women’s studies.

These experiences taught Tracy that women with ADHD often face additional challenges due to societal expectations and gender roles. Women are disproportionately responsible for household chores and childcare, tasks that require executive function skills that ADHD makes difficult. 

For instance, Monica, an ADHD woman, struggles with managing her family’s schedule, a task her mother-in-law eventually took over. Research at Emory University found that messy spaces are judged more harshly when associated with women, reinforcing gender biases that exacerbate the struggles of ADHD women.

Moreover, women with ADHD are prone to lower self-esteem and self-harm due to societal pressures and internalized shame. For example, Emerald, a successful therapist, struggled with feelings of inadequacy because she couldn't keep up with household chores. By focusing on her strengths, she recognized her value beyond traditional gender roles.

Hormonal fluctuations add another layer of complexity. Tracy's journey through various medical consultations before her ADHD diagnosis revealed how female hormones can affect ADHD symptoms. Estrogen boosts mood and cognitive function, but its levels drop during menstrual cycles and menopause, worsening ADHD symptoms.

Despite these challenges, ADHD traits can be superpowers. Their creativity, driven nature, and risk-taking propensity can lead to remarkable achievements. Fran, an ADHD woman, turned her creative thinking into a successful career in the arts. Raquel leveraged her hyperactivity and drive to fund her travel dreams by organizing a music festival in college.

They also possess a heightened sense of empathy and justice. Taylor, an immigration lawyer, uses her empathy to advocate effectively for her clients. Their nonconformity and intuition often lead them to forge unique paths, as seen in Jayne, who transformed her struggles into a successful hair-styling business.

Ultimately, finding their passions and purpose is crucial. Identifying their values, strengths, skills, and purpose helps them navigate life more effectively. Katelyn, who struggled in school, found her calling in special education, helping children with ADHD.

By embracing their ADHD traits and aligning them with their values and passions, they can turn their challenges into opportunities for growth and success.

Unleashing Potential: Women with ADHD and Their Path to Success

Emotional dysregulation, or the inability to control emotions, is common in ADHD. It affects both negative and positive emotions, making us more excitable. Recognizing this isn’t a character flaw but a neurodivergent trait helps reduce shame and opens the door to strategies for managing emotions.

Women with ADHD face higher rates of emotional dysregulation than men, leading to rumination, overwhelm, and shame. This can also cause RSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Emotional dysregulation was once a primary symptom of ADHD in diagnostic criteria, and many experts advocate for its reinstatement due to its prevalence.

Trauma also plays a significant role in emotional dysregulation. Childhood trauma can increase the likelihood of developing ADHD and vice versa. Trauma symptoms often mimic ADHD traits, leading to misdiagnosis. Understanding that emotional dysregulation and trauma are part of ADHD can help us manage them better.

Strategies for managing emotional dysregulation and trauma include psychotherapy (CBT, DBT, EMDR), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), mindfulness, and cold-water immersion. Psychotherapy can be life-changing, helping identify and work through trauma while addressing mood disorders.

CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns. DBT teaches acceptance of emotions before trying to change them. EFT, or tapping, helps reduce anxiety and manage emotions. Mindfulness and meditation physically change our brains, improving attention, cognition, and emotional regulation. Cold-water immersion can immediately reduce anxiety and stop panic attacks.

Finding a good therapist experienced in ADHD is crucial. They can help build new neuropathways and provide new perspectives. Social connections and community with other ADHD women help us see our strengths and reduce feelings of shame.

Positive emotions like pride, hope, and joy increase emotional regulation and resilience. Focusing on our strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small, generates positive emotions and fuels self-worth and motivation.

Overthinking, overwhelm, and self-doubt often derail us. Techniques like questioning thoughts, channeling positive emotion, trying new things, getting creative, and celebrating small achievements can help. 

Imposter syndrome is common among ADHD women due to struggles in school, work, or home. Recognizing and celebrating successes, big or small, helps combat self-doubt.

In short, understanding and managing emotional dysregulation, trauma, and associated challenges can improve the quality of life for those with ADHD. Recognizing our strengths and generating positive emotions help us leverage our ADHD traits and feel accomplished and capable.

Can ADHD and RSD Transform Sensitivity into Empathy and Strength?

When Tracy decided to marry Rich, she didn't wait for him to propose. Tracy hired a plane to fly over a beach with a banner that read, "Rich, Marry Me!, Tracy." Despite a rough day prior and fleeting doubts about being impulsive, she knew he was the one. Rich said yes, and they planned a memorable wedding. Tracy's spontaneity is a hallmark of ADHD, bringing excitement but also challenges to relationships.

ADHD traits like distractibility and impulsivity can complicate relationships. Individuals may forget plans, struggle with attention, and make hasty decisions. Research shows that couples affected by ADHD dispute more and have a higher divorce rate. Understanding ADHD can help soften these impacts. When Tracy's friend Sandra was diagnosed, her husband read "ADHD 2.0" to better understand her, strengthening their relationship.

For those with ADHD, it’s beneficial to communicate calmly about conflicts and celebrate small successes. Tips for peace in relationships include discussing acceptable standards, dividing tasks by strengths, and making mundane tasks fun.

Parenting with ADHD can be overwhelming due to poor executive function skills. Many ADHD mothers thrive by creating custom parenting roles and negotiating a division of labor that leverages strengths. Asking for support and automating tasks can also help manage the chaos. Hiring help, like a cleaning person or nanny, can provide structure and alleviate stress.

Friendships can be challenging for ADHD women due to difficulties in following social rules and maintaining contact. Janet, a successful entrepreneur with ADHD and RSD, found that understanding her ADHD traits improved her friendships. ADHD women often have big personalities and struggle with social cues, but they can be empathetic and intuitive, making them good at reading the room.

Fitting in while being a nonconformist is another challenge. ADHD women like Jayne, a hair-styling entrepreneur, often feel socially awkward and struggle with traditional social norms. Justice sensitivity and the need to feel understood can make ADHD women strong advocates for fairness but also challenging in social settings.

Maintaining friendships requires structure. Finding friends who share similar values and appreciate you for who you are can make social rules easier to follow. Surrounding oneself with like-minded friends, as Tracy did through her podcast "ADHD for Smart Ass Women," can create a supportive and fun social circle.

To strengthen friendships, find friends who value you, communicate openly about your ADHD challenges, and plan future get-togethers to maintain connections. Joining clubs or groups with built-in structure can also help.

ADHD & Love: Tracy's Sky-High Proposal and Navigating Relationships

Tracy had three hours to get ready before meeting Rich for Swan Lake. She didn't want to be late and make a bad impression on their new relationship. But soon, Tracy was running late, stalling her car in a panic, and facing Saturday night traffic in San Francisco. By the time she reached his apartment, he was already back from checking the theatre, worried she’d been in an accident. He hugged her, relieved she was safe, but they missed the show. It was another instance of Tracy's chronic lateness due to ADHD.

ADHD affects their executive functions—planning, prioritizing, and time management. Their brains often prefer an unconstrained flow of time, leading to "time blindness" where they lose track of time and hyperfocus on interesting tasks, making time management challenging. This isn't a character flaw but a difference in brain wiring.

To manage time better, Tracy learned several strategies:
1. Use Analog Clocks: Seeing time pass helps understand its flow better than digital clocks.

2. Invest in a Smartwatch: It provides subtle reminders and syncs with calendars, helping avoid missed appointments.

3. Use Timers: Countdown timers in her morning routine showed her how long tasks actually took, keeping her on schedule.

4. Create Challenges: Turning routines into games made them engaging and helped create lasting habits.

5. Visible Reminders: Placing reminders around the house kept her goals in sight.

6. Create Workarounds: Simplifying routines, like doing makeup in the car, helped manage time better.

7. Slow Down: Taking time to do things right the first time saved more time in the long run.

8. Customize Strategies: Finding personal strategies that work best for her unique brain wiring.

Planning is another struggle for ADHD brains. They often procrastinate and resist scheduling. To improve this, Tracy uses techniques like scheduling the next event before the current one ends and planning backward from deadlines to understand the actual time needed for tasks.

Visualizing end results can motivate them to push through tasks they dislike. For instance, Tracy schedules all her annual doctor appointments over two days, focusing on the relief of being done for the year.

Understanding their ADHD brains helps in accepting that they’re not flawed but different. They can develop strategies to stay on track and appreciate their unique strengths.

Can Strategies for Managing ADHD Improve Your Time Management Too?

It was a chilly December afternoon, and Tracy was home from law school for the holidays. All of a sudden, she heard her parents yelling and running around the house. A man in a mechanic’s jumpsuit was scanning their property, and a tow truck loomed in the distance. Her mom, flustered, whispered urgently to open the door. Her dad, calm as ever, asked if it was true that a collections agency was here to tow Tracy's car for nonpayment. 

She had always been bad with money, and it wasn’t until her ADHD diagnosis that she began to understand why. Managing finances requires organization and attention—traits that ADHD often robs sufferers of. This can lead to missed payments and impulse spending. Many people with ADHD struggle with money for these reasons. But the story doesn't end there.

Tracy's journey into entrepreneurship began at age eight with a Christmas card business that flopped. But she didn't give up. She started knitting, crocheting, and even founded a designer women’s wear company that sold to high-end stores. These ventures were fueled by ADHD superpowers like creativity, hyperfocus, and resilience. Studies show people with ADHD are more likely to be entrepreneurial, leveraging strengths like energy, creativity, and risk-taking.

To better manage money, Tracy had to change her mindset and create strategies that worked for her ADHD brain. She learned to generate positive emotions around finances. For instance, she started planning purchases a day in advance to avoid impulsive buying. She also set up an "impulse saving" account where she transferred money she would have spent on impulse buys. This gave her the same dopamine hit as spending but helped her save.

Investing played a big role, too. She started with small amounts using an app that automated her investments, making her feel more in control and interested in finances. Visualizing her money doing good in the world also helped. When paying bills, she imagined the positive impact her money could have on others, which eased her anxiety and made her more generous.

These strategies transformed Tracy's approach to money management. By understanding her ADHD and leveraging its strengths, she turned a lifelong struggle into a success story, and others can too.

From ADHD Struggles to Success: An Entrepreneur's Journey

The best ADHD treatment Tracy discovered is exercise. Moving the body consistently can help manage ADHD symptoms effectively. Exercise boosts mood, focus, and productivity, acting like a drug for the brain by reducing unnecessary mental chatter and calming anxiety. A single workout can immediately increase attention span, lower impulsivity, and help regulate emotions. 

For years, Tracy relied on exercise without realizing its impact on her ADHD. From ballet to running and strength training, physical activity has always been a part of her life. It wasn't until she became an ADHD coach that she understood why exercise made her days happier and more productive. Exercise balances brain chemicals, sometimes more effectively than medication. 

During the pandemic, Tracy invested in home exercise equipment and created a walking trail on her property. Working out first thing in the morning grounds her and sets a positive tone for the day. Even a short workout can significantly improve focus and productivity. For example, when she forgot to exercise one hectic day, she felt unfocused and distracted. A 30-minute spin bike session restored her calm and helped her complete her tasks efficiently.

Exercise benefits ADHD brains by spiking dopamine and norepinephrine, improving executive function, and promoting brain growth through increased production of BDNF. It enhances memory, learning, emotional regulation, and helps prevent depression and anxiety. For hyperactivity, exercise burns off excess energy and calms the mind.

If traditional exercise feels daunting, Tracy suggests thinking of it as movement. Simple activities like walking, gardening, or dancing can have positive effects. The best time to exercise is in the morning, as it boosts dopamine and sets a productive tone for the day. However, any movement at any time is beneficial.

Structured activities like yoga, martial arts, or team sports can help harness focus and provide social connection. Outdoor exercise is particularly effective, lowering cortisol levels and resetting the brain. Extreme sports like rock climbing or skiing engage the survival response, keeping the ADHD brain alert and focused.

Incorporating exercise into one's routine can revamp the ADHD brain, making one feel more grounded, focused, and productive. Whether it's a morning workout or a fun activity with friends, moving the body consistently is a powerful tool for managing ADHD symptoms, as per Tracy's findings.

Can Exercise Really Be the Ultimate ADHD Treatment Over Medication?

ADHD women often battle sleep issues, a struggle that can feel never-ending. A survey of 90,000 women in Tracy's ADHD Facebook group revealed that up to 95% have sleep problems. Research suggests that four out of five adults with ADHD suffer from a sleep disorder. 

These issues can range from taking hours to fall asleep due to an overactive mind, to waking up frequently during the night, or engaging in revenge bedtime procrastination (RBP). RBP is when we delay sleep to reclaim leisure time lost during the day, often leading to late-night TV binges or social media scrolling.

ADHD can also cause intrusive sleep, where one falls asleep at inappropriate times, such as during meetings or while driving. Many ADHD women, myself included, struggle with consistent bedtime routines, leading to a cycle of sleep deprivation that exacerbates our ADHD symptoms.

To improve sleep, consider these five habits: maintain a consistent sleep schedule, create a dark, quiet, and cool bedroom environment, avoid caffeine after 4 p.m., limit alcohol, and skip technology one hour before bed.

Sleep deprivation impairs our executive function, memory, learning abilities, and overall health. It can worsen ADHD symptoms, leading to increased impulsivity, anxiety, and mood swings, and can strain relationships.

To tackle ADHD-related sleep problems, try resetting your circadian clock by getting morning sunlight, exercising early, doing a brain dump before bed, removing bedtime prep resistance, developing a wake-up plan, finding fun bedtime motivations, taking your medication wisely, and trusting your unique needs.

Understanding and addressing learning differences can also be crucial. Many ADHD adults have undiagnosed learning disabilities like dyslexia, dyscalculia, or dysgraphia. Recognizing these can lead to targeted strategies that improve learning and reduce frustration.

Finally, consider working with an ADHD coach. A good coach helps you leverage your strengths, break tasks into manageable steps, and celebrate your successes. They can guide you to reinvent yourself, not into someone different, but into the best version of you.

Unlocking Better Sleep: ADHD Women's Struggle and Solutions

Living with ADHD can feel like a rollercoaster, with shifting between scattered thoughts and intense hyperfocus. This condition affects planning, organization, focus, and emotional regulation, and its symptoms vary widely. ADHD isn't just a childhood issue; many adults, especially women, remain undiagnosed and suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

There are three types of ADHD: Hyperactive and Impulsive, Inattentive, and Combined. Childhood trauma can exacerbate symptoms, making diagnosis complex. ADHD is highly heritable and influenced by genetics and environment. Symptoms can often be misdiagnosed, especially in women, due to gender biases in research. Girls often internalize their symptoms, making them harder to spot compared to boys.

Managing ADHD involves recognizing and harnessing strengths while addressing challenges. Medication can be helpful but should be combined with other treatments like exercise, good sleep, and a healthy diet. Emotional dysregulation is common and can be managed through psychotherapy and other techniques like mindfulness and cold-water immersion.

Societal expectations and gender roles add additional challenges for women with ADHD, impacting household chores and childcare responsibilities. Hormonal fluctuations further complicate symptoms. ADHD traits can be superpowers, leading to creativity, empathy, and nonconformity, which can drive remarkable achievements.

Time management and planning are significant struggles for those with ADHD, often leading to "time blindness." Strategies like using analog clocks, timers, and creating engaging routines can help manage time better. Understanding their unique brain wiring can lead to developing effective personal strategies.

Financial management is another challenge due to the need for organization and attention. Strategies like impulse saving accounts and automated investments can help improve control over finances. Exercise is a powerful tool for managing ADHD symptoms, boosting mood, focus, and productivity.

Sleep issues are prevalent among ADHD women, affecting their executive function and overall health. Implementing consistent bedtime routines and addressing circadian rhythms can improve sleep quality. Understanding and addressing learning differences can also be crucial.

Working with an ADHD coach can help leverage strengths, break tasks into manageable steps, and celebrate successes, guiding individuals to become the best version of themselves.

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ADHD for Smart Ass Women: How to Fall in Love with Your Neurodivergent Brain

Tracy Otsuka

9 Key ideas

25 MINS

4.7 (264)

Ever wondered how ADHD impacts adult women, particularly in entrepreneurship and relationships?

How does it affect time management, sleep, and emotional regulation?

Can ADHD traits be transformed into superpowers?

Dive into this riveting narrative that explores the unique challenges and strengths of women living with ADHD. Discover practical strategies to manage symptoms, build successful enterprises, and foster fulfilling relationships.

Key Ideas

#1