Want to learn how mentorship can change lives and foster growth? Ever wondered how respecting young people's drive for status and recognition can lead to their long-term success? How can high expectations paired with adequate support make a profound impact? How can mentorship bridge the generational divide and help in understanding the developmental needs of young workers? Dive in to discover how mentorship goes beyond just guidance and instills a mindset that nurtures, motivates, and transforms lives.

10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People: A Groundbreaking Approach to Leading the Next Generation―And Making Your Own Life Easier

Terrie Hall’s life story is a heartbreaking testament to the dangers of smoking. At a young age, Terrie fell into the trap of smoking, influenced by cool and rebellious advertising from tobacco companies. 

Despite a landmark 1964 report warning about the dangers of smoking, tobacco companies cleverly marketed smoking as a symbol of rebellion, attracting countless teenagers, including Terrie. Her addiction led to cancer, multiple surgeries, and ultimately, her deathbed advice to the CDC, urging better methods to prevent youth smoking.

Efforts to combat smoking through anti-smoking campaigns often backfired, making smoking appear even more rebellious. This phenomenon isn’t unique to smoking; anti-obesity and anti-bullying programs also showed counterproductive results. To truly help young people, society needs to better understand their motivations and needs.

Dr. Steven Alexander’s experience with kidney transplant patients highlights another area where young people’s behavior is misunderstood. Despite life-saving transplants, many young patients fail to adhere to their medication regimen. The issue isn’t a lack of understanding but a failure to connect the importance of taking medication with their need for respect and autonomy.

Research, including the impactful “Truth” campaign, demonstrates that when young people are respected and given autonomy, they make better choices. The “Truth” campaign effectively reduced smoking rates by empowering youth to fight against tobacco companies’ manipulative practices, aligning with their desire for status and respect.

Dr. Ron Dahl’s work on adolescence reveals that young people’s brains are highly attuned to social status and respect, driven by pubertal hormones. Studies show that respectful communication significantly impacts young people’s willingness to engage in healthy behaviors. The Vegemite study, for example, demonstrated that respectful instructions led to higher compliance, especially when paired with a dose of testosterone, highlighting the importance of respect.

Dr. Bill Berquist’s liver-transplant clinic offers a successful model by treating young patients as valuable contributors, respecting their autonomy, and fostering a sense of community. This approach, which includes collaborative troubleshooting and respectful communication, significantly improves adherence to medication.

To truly support young people, society must shift from the neurobiological incompetence model to one that respects their drive for status and respect. By understanding and addressing the adolescent predicament, we can inspire healthier choices and better long-term outcomes.

Can Respect and Autonomy Be the Key to Curbing Youth Smoking and Health Challenges?

In late July, a group of teenage boys and girls gathered in a neighborhood square. Amidst their showboating and jockeying for status, a geeky boy named Melvin watched from the sidelines, conflicted and anxious about fitting in. 

Melvin's concerns were valid—he was an easy target and at the bottom of the social ladder. But that evening, Dexter, an older boy with high social status, noticed Melvin and allowed him to join the group. Dexter subtly guided Melvin, helping him navigate the complex social dynamics. This mentorship transformed Melvin from an outsider to a confident, respected member of the group.

Years later, anthropologist Dr. Rachna Reddy was amazed by Melvin's transformation. He had become strong, well-adjusted, and respected. Melvin and Dexter's story is a profound example of mentorship in its most primal form—because both were chimpanzees living in Uganda. Reddy and Aaron Sandel's research on chimpanzees revealed that mentorship is essential for survival, contradicting the idea that mentoring is a modern, fluffy concept.

Mentorship, as seen in the chimpanzee example, involves aligning resources and actions with a young person's long-term best interests. It's not just a formal job obligation or volunteering role but an informal support system that helps young individuals earn respect and status.

Stef Okamoto, a manager at ServiceNow, exemplifies the mentor mindset in the workplace. When her direct report, Melanie Welch, faced an anxiety-provoking moment of presenting her work to senior executives, Stef combined high standards with high support. She expected Melanie to own the project but provided critical feedback and guidance, ensuring Melanie felt validated and confident. This approach led to Melanie's success and earned her a positive reputation at the company.

The mentor mindset, characterized by high standards and high support, contrasts with the enforcer and protector mindsets. Enforcers focus solely on high standards, often leading to punishment and failure. Protectors prioritize support but lower expectations, resulting in limited growth. The mentor mindset resolves the adolescent predicament by creating opportunities for young people to earn prestige and respect.

Research by Kurt Lewin, Diana Baumrind, and Rosalie Wax highlights the effectiveness of the mentor mindset across various contexts. Lewin's experiments with leadership styles in arts and crafts clubs, Baumrind's studies on parenting, and Wax's observations of teachers all demonstrate that combining high expectations with support leads to better outcomes.

Sergio Estrada, a teacher at Riverside High School, uses the mentor mindset to achieve extraordinary results. He sets high standards but provides ample support, creating an environment where students thrive. His success with students like David, who struggled in other classes, showcases the power of the mentor mindset.

Beliefs play a crucial role in shaping leadership styles. Enforcer and protector mindsets stem from neurobiological-incompetence beliefs, whereas mentor mindsets arise from neurobiological-competence beliefs. Changing these beliefs can transform how we lead and inspire young people, helping them earn respect and achieve their potential.

In short, the mentor mindset combines high standards with high support, enabling young people to navigate social dynamics, earn respect, and thrive in various contexts. Whether in the animal kingdom or the corporate world, mentorship is a timeless and essential practice for fostering growth and success.

Chimpanzee Mentorship: Unveiling the Primal Power of High Support and Standards

After selling Whole Foods to Amazon for $13.7 billion, CEO John Mackey embarked on a series of interviews criticizing the younger generation. He couldn't understand why Gen Z employees were hard to hire and retain despite offering good wages and aligning with their values like environmental sustainability. 

Mackey's complaints revealed a lack of understanding of the developmental needs for status and respect among young workers, which resulted in Whole Foods receiving twice as many negative ratings compared to competitors.

Mackey's view was rooted in the belief that work should be transactional, with young people putting up with nonideal conditions until they found meaning and fulfillment later in life. This neglect of teenagers’ needs for respect led to bitterness and high turnover.

The generational divide, however, is not new. It has been a recurring theme throughout history, with older generations often viewing the younger ones as immature and lacking moral values. Harvard researchers found that older people consistently believed that the younger generation had declining moral character, despite evidence to the contrary.

Stanford psychologist Geoffrey Cohen’s concept of wise feedback—appealing to high standards and high support—offers a solution to bridge this divide. When feedback is given with a clear intent of support and respect, it can break the barrier of mistrust that often leads to misinterpretations and conflicts.

Ole, a manager at Obs supermarket chain in Norway, exemplifies the opposite of Mackey’s approach. By forming a treaty over meaning with his employees, Ole created a work environment where young staff were eager to seek feedback and improve. His store became the third-ranked nationwide in profits and was a place where people wanted to work.

Encircle, an after-school program for LGBTQ+ youth in Utah, has successfully bridged the generational divide by focusing on common goals and values, helping parents and children understand each other's concerns and fears. Their approach of "no sides, only love" has prevented any suicides among the thousands of youth they serve.

The mentor mindset, defined as a professional alliance supporting growth and development, can help both sides win the war over meaning. By respecting each other's needs and maintaining open communication, adults and young people can form authentic treaties that lead to mutual understanding and progress.

Can John Mackey Learn from Gen Z to Bridge the Generational Divide at Whole Foods?

Stef Okamoto and Sergio Estrada both embody the mentor mindset, though they come from vastly different backgrounds and career paths. Stef grew up in Longview, Washington, facing economic hardships and stereotypes. 

Despite this, she excelled in school and sports, eventually earning her associate’s degree and transferring to the University of Washington for her bachelor’s in psychology. Her journey led her to Microsoft, where she trained thousands of managers, despite the toxic culture fostered by CEO Steve Ballmer. Stef rejected the enforcer mindset prevalent at Microsoft, instead adopting a collaborative approach that balanced high standards with meaningful support.

Sergio Estrada’s story began in El Paso, Texas, where he faced poverty and family instability. Despite these challenges, he excelled academically, influenced by his high school teacher Nancy Arroyo’s rigorous yet supportive approach. 

After a series of career changes, including a stint at Apple and a brief, unhappy period at Verizon, Sergio found his calling in teaching. His first year was tough, as he emulated demanding leaders like Oscar, the top AP Physics teacher in his district, and the fictionalized Jaime Escalante from "Stand and Deliver," focusing on high expectations without sufficient support.

After receiving critical feedback from his students, Sergio realized the importance of balancing high expectations with adequate support. He adopted a collaborative troubleshooting approach, focusing on understanding and addressing students' needs, which transformed his teaching effectiveness. His students began to excel, passing rigorous college-level exams and appreciating his supportive yet challenging methods.

Both Stef and Sergio demonstrate that the mentor mindset is a learned approach, not an innate trait. Their stories illustrate the importance of high standards paired with human-first, respectful support, making a profound impact on the lives and careers of those they mentor.

From Microsoft to the Classroom: Stef Okamoto and Sergio Estrada's Transformative Mentor Journeys

Transparency breeds trust and security. Without it, actions can be misinterpreted, leading to unnecessary tension and resentment. This principle applies across various mentor-mentee relationships, whether in schools, workplaces, or even policing.

Consider Andrew, a junior teacher who felt judged by his principal's frequent classroom observations. The principal never explained his purpose, leaving Andrew feeling insecure and unmotivated. Years later, Andrew discovered that these visits were meant to support his growth, not to criticize. Now a principal himself, Andrew ensures clarity in his intentions when he observes teachers, fostering trust and motivation.

Similarly, Jane, a senior attorney, faced issues with a junior associate who perceived feedback as personal criticism. Jane realized that transparency about her intentions—to help the associate improve—was crucial. Without this clarity, the associate felt attacked rather than supported, leading to a breakdown in communication and performance.

In policing, transparency can transform interactions. Officers engaging in community policing often face mistrust from civilians, leading to tense encounters. However, when officers clearly state their benevolent intentions upfront, civilians feel more at ease. This approach, called a transparency statement, fosters positive relationships and effective community engagement.

Transparency also plays a vital role in parenting. Lorena Seidel, a renowned parenting coach, advises parents to shift from enforcer or protector mindsets to a mentor mindset. For example, when Kate's son came home drunk, instead of yelling, she engaged in honest conversations, understanding his need for social connection. This approach helped her son navigate his social life responsibly, fostering a healthier parent-child relationship.

Effective questioning is another crucial mentor-mindset practice. Authentic questions with uptake—where the asker genuinely seeks to understand and builds on the answer—can lead to collaborative problem-solving. This method builds trust and encourages deep thinking, helping young people feel respected and motivated.

In short, transparency and questioning are powerful tools for mentors. By clearly stating intentions and engaging in open dialogue, mentors can transform relationships, foster trust, and support growth. Whether in education, the workplace, policing, or parenting, these practices can bridge gaps, resolve conflicts, and promote healthy development.

Can Transparency Transform Relationships Like Andrew's and Jane's?

Stress is an inevitable part of life, but it can actually be beneficial. Stanford psychologist Dr. Alia Crum highlights the shift from seeing stress as debilitating to viewing it as enhancing. This new mindset can improve performance under stress, as shown in various studies. For example, Jeremy Jamieson’s research demonstrated that students perform better on exams when they view stress as a resource.

Take Hawi, a student who faced immense grief after her mother’s death. Her professor didn’t just excuse her from assignments; instead, he offered flexibility while maintaining high standards for her final project. This approach helped Hawi find meaning and motivation during a tough time, ultimately leading her to excel.

Similarly, the mentor mindset applies to parenting. When Scarlett felt nervous about her cello audition, her father reminded her that stress indicates she cares and can enhance her performance. This supportive approach helped Scarlett succeed.

In classrooms, teachers like Pearla struggle to show students the purpose behind their learning. Instead of offering short-term incentives or long-term self-interest arguments, connecting learning to a meaningful, real-world purpose can ignite student motivation. Programs like EL Education exemplify this, where students undertake community projects that require rigorous academic skills, fostering a sense of purpose and immediate gratification.

The norm of self-interest often limits how adults motivate young people. Studies show that appealing to beyond-the-self motives, like social justice, can be more effective. For instance, a values-aligned intervention reframed healthy eating as a way to fight deceptive food marketing, leading students to make healthier choices.

Purpose-driven learning can transform mundane tasks into meaningful endeavors. When students see their work as contributing to a greater good, they’re more likely to persist and excel. This principle applies beyond education; leaders can motivate teams by connecting their work to broader, impactful narratives.

Ultimately, fostering a sense of purpose in young people not only motivates them but also helps them achieve higher standards and overcome challenges, leading to long-term success and fulfillment.

Unlocking Potential: Dr. Alia Crum's Revolutionary Approach to Stress and Purpose-Driven Learning

Christina, a college physics instructor, struggled to make her students feel like they belonged in her complex course. Despite her friendly demeanor and extra office hours, students from poor families or low-quality high schools performed worse than their peers. On the other hand, Ingeboerg's seventh-grade daughter, Nora, faced exclusion and bullying from her friends, leaving her in tears every night. Both Christina and Ingeboerg sought solutions to these problems.

Stanford psychologist Greg Walton's research on belonging offers insights. From birth, humans need to belong and feel accepted. This desire evolves with age, transitioning from caregiver interactions to larger groups during adolescence. Teens' need to belong becomes tied to their need to feel competent, forming a basis for earned prestige and status. Walton discovered that adolescents often struggle with belonging due to uncertainties about their competence, leading to a cycle of doubt and poor performance.

The need for belonging isn't just a feel-good concept; it's crucial for well-being and achievement. For instance, during COVID-19 school closures, the impact of isolated learning was underestimated. Similarly, the case of Dr. Maitland Jones Jr. at NYU highlighted how harsh academic standards without support can undermine students' feelings of belonging and competence, leading to poor performance.

Belonging can be nurtured through storytelling and promoting beliefs in the possibility of change. Aneeta Rattan's study on the "It Gets Better" campaign showed that messages emphasizing people's ability to change were more comforting and effective than those suggesting acceptance could only come from finding new people.

Greg Walton’s intervention, which involved reading stories from upper-year students about their struggles and successes, significantly improved the grades and long-term well-being of Black students. This intervention taught students that struggles are normal and can improve with effort, helping them take steps to become integrated on campus.

Christina Markert adopted this approach, sharing her own struggles in physics with her students. Her storytelling, coupled with flexible logistical support, led to increased student engagement and success, particularly among marginalized groups.

Similarly, Carol Dweck and David Yeager applied these insights to address bullying. They created interventions that conveyed the message that people can change, reducing victims' hatred and desire for revenge while promoting resilience and optimism.

Inclusive excellence, exemplified by Keivan Stassun's work with neurodiverse students in astrophysics, combines high standards with high support. Stassun's approach, which accommodates differences without lowering standards, has led to significant contributions from students like Dan, whose software is now used by NASA. This mentor mindset fosters a culture of earned prestige and genuine scientific contributions, proving that inclusive excellence benefits all.

Laura Vega's story illustrates the power of inclusive excellence. Despite attending a low-achieving high school, she became a successful astrophysicist through the Fisk-Vanderbilt Bridge Program, which values resilience and contributions over test scores. This program, founded by Stassun, promotes high standards and provides extensive support, helping students from diverse backgrounds thrive in demanding fields like physics.

Inclusive excellence isn't about lowering standards but about recognizing and nurturing potential through high expectations and support. When leaders adopt this mentor mindset, they can empower more young people to achieve greatness, making society stronger and more inclusive.

Can Inclusive Excellence Empower Students to Overcome Barriers and Achieve Greatness?

Imagine Ralph Cornell, the unsung hero of Los Angeles, whose century-old trees still thrive in the city. His mentor, Professor Charles Baker, recognized Ralph's potential and set him on a path to transform California's landscapes, despite early hardships. Cornell wasn’t just planting trees; he was laying the groundwork for future growth.

Fast forward to Daniel Lapsley, a bright kid who, thanks to a chance encounter at a gas station, was encouraged to pursue college. That single conversation sparked a lifelong academic journey, illustrating the lasting impact of a few words of respect and encouragement.

Now, consider Uri Treisman, a math educator who transformed the dreaded freshman calculus into a gateway for success. Inspired by Cornell’s principles of landscape architecture, Treisman focused on creating pathways of desire and planning for growth. His workshops helped minority students excel in math, ensuring their success long after the class ended.

At Camp Champions, Steve Baskin and I tested these mentoring insights with kids from underrepresented backgrounds. Through guided reflections on tenacity and purpose, camp became more than fun; it was a transformative experience that increased college persistence by over 10%. The campers learned to connect their camp struggles with real-life challenges, turning initial fears into a narrative of success.

These stories underscore a simple truth: mentoring isn’t just about guidance; it’s about instilling a mindset that empowers young people to grow beyond our reach. Whether through a thoughtful conversation or a structured program, the mentor mindset can create lasting change, igniting futures and transforming lives. Like planting a tree, it’s about envisioning the growth that follows long after we’re gone.

Mentorship Magic: From Ralph Cornell's Trees to Uri Treisman's Math Triumphs

Effective mentorship hinges on a balance of high standards and high support. This approach respects young people's drive for status and autonomy, enabling them to thrive in various contexts, from academic settings to professional environments. The mentor mindset contrasts sharply with the enforcer and protector mindsets, which either impose rigid expectations or excessively shelter, often stifling growth.

Transparency is critical in mentorship, fostering trust and understanding. By clearly communicating intentions and supportive actions, mentors can significantly influence young people's willingness to engage and succeed. Questioning, rather than telling, further supports this approach by encouraging collaboration and deeper learning.

Purpose-driven learning and beyond-the-self motives can transform mundane tasks into meaningful endeavors, motivating young people to persist and excel. This principle applies universally, from education to corporate leadership, where connecting work to broader, impactful narratives can inspire teams.

Belonging is essential for well-being and achievement, especially during adolescence. Inclusive excellence, which combines high standards with high support, can empower young people from diverse backgrounds to achieve greatness.

Ultimately, mentorship isn't just about guidance; it's about instilling a mindset that fosters long-term growth and success. By adopting the mentor mindset, leaders can create lasting change, igniting futures and transforming lives.

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